Just Try…and Then Let It Go

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It’s that time of year again…when students who want to vye for a Student Council Officer position run their campaigns: create posters, prepare speeches, record them and hope for the best.

As I recorded several children giving their speeches, I was touched by their earnestness and jitters. It’s impossible for all who run to win, yet they are all – each of them – winners.

If there’s one thing I think we don’t teach our children enough (at home or school) is that it’s OK to try, to take a risk and not reach our goal. That it doesn’t mean we’re failures or that we ought to be ashamed.

It might sound like common sense to you.

Yet the words “loser” and “ashamed” are so pervasive in our culture. And “risktaker” denotes a type of reckless stunt person.

Risk-taking is the only way we grow, and it often includes some degree of pain.

 

 

Hey, Jealousy!

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by Ivan Cabanas

Ahhhh! Love!

Love can be destroyed by jealousy.

 

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This is a mugshot of a man who was convicted for domestic abuse. You might say the signs were obvious from the beginning. But aren’t they always there in the beginning…  the temper, the irrational questioning, the possessive demeanor?

In the past week, several women in my life have told me their stories. It seemed like a sign to share it on my blog.

It starts with a whirlwind affair: the romance and attention. His questions and constant hovering are flattering. He really loves me!

I know far too many women who have dated and/or married such men. These women are smart, loving, and highly educated. It goes both ways, women do this to men, too.

Why do the perpetrators do this? Because (in most cases), they lack self-esteem. No one can give them self-esteem, which means that it’s not going to get better until they work on their self-confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the suspicious questions and constant angry surveillance take a toll:  paranoia, insecurity, resentment and finally, anger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can Work Be Joyful?

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“I don’t know what I’m passionate about! How do I find my passion?”

How about starting with a list of things you would do for free? Make a list. Don’t censor yourself.

You can also try to remember what you enjoyed doing when you were eight years old. Add those activities. Nothing is too silly.

I’d love to hear what you come up with. How can you incorporate this into your work?

Losing “Everything”

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Ellen DeGeneres decided to come out of the closet in 1997. She was at the top of her game at the time, starring in her popular “The Ellen Show.”

Why did she take the risk? Because she felt it was important -and healthier – than living in fear or denial of who she really was. The “secret” made her feel as if she was wrong and she knew she was right.

So she came out as the real Ellen and then had her character come out on the show.

What happened?

She lost her show. No one would call her. She got no gigs.

Three years.

For three years, she was stripped of all the external factors of identity: no career or the benefits that come with it. Not only that, some of her previous fans berated her and judged her. Christian groups picketed her studio and mentioned God while acting very un-Christian. Studios wouldn’t touch her.

You realize who you really are when you don’t have anything. – Ellen

And then “Finding Dory” came along. Ellen also got her own new talk show. She’s immensely popular all over again. Only now, she has no secrets.

Does she regret coming out?

NOT AT ALL.

“It’s the best -because I’m free.

I’m completely able to be exactly who I am.”*

 

*http://www.upi.com/Entertainment_News/TV/2011/10/04/DeGeneres-doesnt-regret-coming-out-as-gay/74651317701340/

 

Let ’em Go

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One day, a mother took her four year old and five year old daughters to their Montessori preschool. She apologized to the teacher for being late, and explained that it took some time to get her kids dressed.

“Why don’t you let them dress themselves?” The teacher asked.

“They’d look like disasters! Nothing would match.”

“So?”

The mother thought about it. She decided to let them dress themselves. Thegirls wore odd things: sweaters with light pants, short-sleeved shirts with boots…but eventually, each daughter forged her own style. The girls laughed loudly, and they walked proudly. It was clear that each girl was her own person.

It was challenging for the mom. She wanted to help them so many times. “Relax.They’re doing great!” The father said.

 

As the girls grew, their mother made mistakes. She got some things right, but she learned that “letting go” was her biggest challenge. She noticed that they learned lessons most effectively through mistakes: forgetting an instrument at home and having points deducted at school taught them to plan the night before. When they didn’t eat well, they felt sick and chose to eat better next time.

Everyone – the father, the mother and the kids – are still learning. And it’s all good.