I finally told the girls about my cancer and impending treatment (surgery, reconstruction).
Here is how it went down:
Me: “Girls, remember how Auntie Kristin died of cancer?”
(Both girls nod yes)
“Well, when they found the cancer, she was in late stage 3, close to 4. When they find cancer at stage 4, it’s usually too late to do much. There are stages to cancer, 0, 1, 2, 3 and 4. If they find the cancer at 0, 1 or even 2 and sometimes 3, there are lots of things they can do to get rid of the cancer. Usually surgery is used to cut out the cancer and then sometimes you have to take medicine after wards.
They found cancer in my left breast. But it’s …”
Josie interrupts, big smile, “Stage 0!”
“Actually, Stage 1. But that’s good, I’m going to have surgery and they’re going to take it out.”
Ava: “When did you find out?”
Ava: Why didn’t you tell us right away?
“I wanted to know the date of surgery before I told you.”
Both girls: “When is the surgery?”
Ava: How long will you be in the hospital?
Josie: But you’re going to look weird! It’s going to be wavy on your chest!
“They are going to put something in and I’m going to have even bigger boobs, isn’t that great?!”
Both girls: “Ew! Like what?”
“Mmmm plastic bags with salty water in them.”
Ava: They’re going to put Ziploc bags in your boobs!?
Ava: Can we watch Spongebob now?
So there you have it.Clearly, they’re traumatized.
I’m still researching and looking at pictures of reconstruction. I see boobs everywhere. It’s always on my mind. I scar easily and I have hyper pigmentation big time. I am picturing myself post reconstruction and can’t help but see Jack Skellington’s girlfriend Sally in my mind.