Tammy Gann

“The thing that will give you your body and nervous system back is physical exercise. I can’t stress it enough. That’s how I got my body and nervous system back. You have to go to boot camp. It makes you feel better. It’s the only thing that does. Eventually, it scours the devil out of you.

James Taylor on his addiction to heroin and alcohol

My Sentinels

I never got to say goodbye

or thank you

swiftly and expectantly, you were taken

and questioned

never to return again

You reported there was no further intrusion

we all sighed in great relief

I had no need for the rays

or the poison

I’m grateful for your service

but your absence – albeit necessary –

has rendered the castle lacking

in slumber, the nerves misfire

and the crosswork tingles


Blister in the Sun

Hubby is singing “Blister in the Sun” and now I can’t get it out of my head. That is what he does lately: sing songs,  fill my head with repetitive, nonsensical lyrics and then leave the room. 

I haven’t written in several months. Now that I am publishing my “blah”g, I’m sure you’re expecting BIG news. Something grandiose in a bad or good way. I am sorry to disappoint. I’ve just been busy with life: completed my MA coursework (yay!), completed my 8 hour state exam (yay!) and recovered completely from breast reconstruction (double yay!)  Pardon the pun.

Here is the health update: I’m taking Tamoxifen daily. The hot flashes and back aches have mercifully subsided. I’ve completed my surgeries and have my permanent chest (for the next 15 years anyway, I’m told that implants need to be changed out every 10-20 years). I went from an “A” to a “C.” It’s both great and not so great.

Great: in bathing suits, bras, clothes.

Not so great: sleeping. I wish I could take them off and hang them up for the night! Also, running is easier when you are flat-chested.

In two weeks, I will go back to my oncologist for some kind of test. I should know what kind of test, but I don’t. I called them to ask, but they put me in hold limbo forever, so I just hung up. I have a list of questions at the ready, though.

Weird things happen during recovery, such as the sharp electrical shocks I feel as my nerves come back to life. Also, the dull throbbing pain from the muscles stretching to accommodate the implants.

I went to a kid birthday party a couple months ago. My “friends” had not seen me since my diagnosis. They greeted me with, “You have all your hair!” and “You look great!” If there is anything I can do with my experience, it is to spread awareness of the importance of going to your doctor for all your checkups.  There is a controversy brewing right now. Some health officials seem to think women don’t need a mammogram until 50! I shudder to think how far advanced my cancer would have been if I had waited eight years.  There is a very good article on this issue right here.

I want to help dispel the awful perception that cancer is a death sentence, or that once you’re diagnosed, you are forever “sick.” It’s simply not true. Just take care of it as early as possible.


When I’m a walking, I strut my stuff.