depression

Melancholy or Merriment?

 

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Yesterday’s blog was about being fierce and how to get there. Today’s post is about the opposite: sadness and lethargy.

2016 was a difficult and painful year for many people I know. The holidays can sometimes lead to funk, not cheer. According to Psychology Today, the anticipation of merriment might lead to pensive gloominess or even depression. We drink too much, eat too much and sleep too little. Some signs of the holiday blues include: “Headaches, insomnia, uneasiness, anxiety, sadness, intestinal problems, and unnecessary conflict with family and friends.” (Psychology Today)

How to beat it?

The article cites 10 tips. I’ll give them to you in a nutshell:

  1. Be reasonable with your schedule.
  2. Organize your time.
  3. Declare an amnesty with your friends and family.
  4. Manage your expectations. Holidays won’t be for you as an adult what they were when you were a child!
  5. Volunteer to help others in need.
  6. Alcohol is a depressant. Drink in moderation.
  7. Take breaks – especially physical ones, like exercise or just walking.
  8. Think half-full, not half-empty. The choice is yours!
  9. Take breaks – exercise, walk around the neighborhood. Get moving!
  10. Choose to see the glass half-full, not half-empty. You do have a choice.

 

 

 

 

I’ve Been Asking the Wrong Question

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As a recovering Tiger Mom, I’m working really hard to unlearn some bad practices. I don’t expect my kids to get straight A’s. I just want to ensure they always do their best. HOWEVER, I’m aware that I often use grades as a default metric. It’s so easy to buy into the hype: competitive college scholarships, high tuition, “name brand” universities, etc.

In my heart, I know it’s wrong. It’s the wrong place to stress priorities with my kids.

A blogger on Huffington Post bragged wrote about how he and his wife ask their daughters 3 questions each night:

  1. How were you brave tonight?
  2. How were you kind today?
  3. How did you fail today?

Aren’t these more important concerns? Won’t these values take them further than a perfect GPA? Their third question, “How did you fail today?” opens the discussion about effort and not achieving the goal. The parents wanted to stress lessons learned from this taboo subject and, to in fact, celebrate failing! The word “fail” is  leaden with negativity in our culture, but it’s really the only way we get stronger. It’s how we get resilient.

I’ve been asking my daughters a question each day, too. I thought I was being positive.  I shared my experience on FB with my friends:

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What is school for?

According to Seth Godin, school’s purpose should be to:

  1. teach kids to lead; and
  2. teach kids to try things and to FAIL.

He says, “Fine, getting an A is good. But it’s not the most important thing.”

Personally, I’ve known many “successful” (read: high income) folks who burned the midnight oil to get the excellent grades, get into the perfect college and then obtain the perfect,  high-paying job. They’re still not happy.

Don’t we want our kids to lead happy, productive, creative lives?

If you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions. Perhaps the right question is not, “How can my kid get into an Ivy League School?” but “How can I raise my child to be a compassionate, productive, happy citizen?”

What do we need to do to be happy? Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

*photo from unsplash.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suicide in First World Countries (Part II)

In yesterday’s post about First World Suicides, I mentioned that South Korea is #1 for suicide rates among the developed countries and they have held this position for the past eight years.

In a country where the pressures of ambition, achievement and success are omnipresent, students feel frustrated, anxious and ultimately, dejected. Up to 40 people commit suicide each day.

What is South Korea doing about this problem?

This:

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Daily Mail

 

Students are enrolling in “death experience” schools where they go undergo their own funerals. The hope and expectation is that students completing the program will learn to appreciate life again. Indeed, some of the graduates emerge with a sense of “cleansing” and “enlightenment.”

Young students are not the only clients. Others enrolling in these schools includes middle-aged people anxious about finances and the elderly who are afraid of being burdens on their families.

The program is designed to provide an opportunity for reflection. Suicidal clients are directed to reflect on the “collateral damage” their deaths might cause and they are reminded that a critical part of life is to have problems and to handle them.

One factor fueling the stress of success is South Korea’s rapid progress as a super power. In just a few decades, “South Korea has rocketed from one of the poorest countries in the world to the 12th biggest global economic power” (Daily Mail).¹

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. Answer below!

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Citations

¹http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3284587/Learn-dead-day-Suicidal-people-locked-coffins-bizarre-death-experience-schools-South-Korea-40-people-kill-day.html

 

 

 

 

Suicide in First World Countries (Part I)

Which country has the highest suicide rate?

Guyana. Experts believe it’s due to the extreme poverty rate, high levels of alcohol abuse and ease of access to pesticides. ¹ Additionally, Guyana has a shortage of social services, including suicide counselors.

The second? South Korea. Up to 40 people kill themselves each  day in South Korea, a strong, economic country. This, experts believe, is due to their extreme competitiveness and their hyper focus on “success.” In fact, suicide is the number one killer of people ages 10 to 30 in that country.

Silicon Valley in California is experiencing an alarming uptick in teen suicides. This, apparently, for the same reasons South Korea experiences suicides: overwhelming stress and competition to succeed in school and then work. “Twelve percent of Palo Alto high-school students surveyed in the 2013–14 school year reported having seriously contemplated suicide in the past 12 months.” (The Atlantic) ²

School administrators, community stakeholders and mental health professionals are rushing to prevent suicides and “suicide clusters” (phenomenon where three or more suicides occur in close  proximity for time and location (CDC)). A large part of working to prevent suicides lies in identifying the cause. Why are successful, talented teens committing suicide?

Suniya S. Luthar, Foundation Professor at Arizona State University, conducted a study of high socioeoconomic (SES) teens and low socioeconomic teens. Her findings surprised her: the high SES teens abused drugs and alcohol at a substantially higher rate. These teens also experienced very high levels of serious anxiety and depression. Why? The teens felt emotionally distant from their parents. They felt they had to achieve just as much, if not more, than their parents in academics and salary. (The Atlantic)

Social media seems to play a role in the speed with which suicides and suicide clusters appear. Students will know of a suicide on the CalTrain track within an hour of it happening and online bullying runs rampant and undetected by parents. Martyrdom of suicides is something school administrators work to avoid: students may not place memorials on school grounds.

Different cultures and countries are handling it differently. Tomorrow, a look at how South Korea is working to reduce suicides among their youth.

Citations

¹ http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/countries-with-the-most-suicides-in-the-world.html

² http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/12/the-silicon-valley-suicides/413140/

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