I rode my bike home from work twice last week. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for several years, but was afraid to try. The route home includes driving alongside very busy traffic and crossing two freeway ramps. But I (finally) conquered my fears and did it!
While riding, I couldn’t help but see how riding a bike home was analogous to life: there are choices you make that send you off (literally) on a different path. Every bit of the way, you make choices:
- smile or don’t smile at those you encounter;
- appreciate nature (or don’t);
- follow the rules/laws (or take dangerous risks);
- breathe and enjoy the journey OR stress and rush to get to your destination
All journeys (literal and figurative) share a common theme: It’s beneficial to look ahead and do a little planning (to be prepared), but most pleasant and constructive to be fully present.
It is rarely helpful to look back.
Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you know what my secret* is? I don’t mind what happens.”
By this, he did not mean blindly accept everything (oppression, violence, etc.) but to accept reality, and to not be “put off” by unforeseen circumstances. This is where you must start before exacting change or growth.
He lived by the tenet, “I don’t mind at all.” So I decided that would be my mantra today.
I sat down to paint. “Caroline, can you help me get my car to the garage for servicing?” I don’t mind at all.
And then I wanted to take a bath. “Honey, can you help me fix the window?” I don’t mind at all.
Throughout the day, I was called upon to do something unplanned and I thought, I don’t mind at all.
Saying it to myself in response to these events, I felt my body relax and my brain say, “This isn’t a big deal, I’m happy to help.”
I still managed to get my work done and I just completed a painting. I’m about to take a bath now…unless, of course, someone needs me.
*secret to complete inner peace
“If someone else can decide what will happen within you right now, isn’t that the ultimate slavery?”
“He’s a narcissist and he’s dating that whore.”
This is something she said for over eight years. Eight years. She wore bitterness on her sleeves, she spoke of her ex-husband – their father – like this openly. In her desire to vent and let her ego shine, she cast a dark shadow on her sons.
What she didn’t realize was that she had no control over his actions, but she DID (and still does) have control over her own thoughts and actions. When we get angry about the words and actions of others, we have just placed manacles on our own words and actions. We have become slaves to others, allowing our moods to be swayed by them.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Kiss your ex goodbye, wish him well and move on.
I’ve been on a “news fast “for almost four weeks now. Yesterday was the midterm elections and the itch to check in was inflammatory.
However, I have voted.
I’ve done my part.
That’s all one can do.
Worrying and hoping do no good.
This is the very best article I have ever read on marriage. It’s by Byron Katie.
If you are ready, reading this will feel like sitting in the light of truth.
It will feel like bathing in authenticity.
If you’re ready, reading this article can change all of your relationships – for the better.
My favorite line:
There’s no way to truly join your partner except by getting free of your belief that you need something from him that he’s not giving.
I was raised on conditions. I had to prove my worth in order to be loved. And I grew up and did the same to those I loved. I think this is the root of many dysfunctional relationships.
If you’re “climbing a ladder” in your work and you feel tired and discouraged, I recommend giving Seth Godin’s podcast a listen. If you have children who are considering a career in music (as I do), have them listen to it as well (click the link below):
With echoes of James Altucher’s “Choose Yourself,” philosophy, it’s a must hear. Always a little ahead of his time, Godin offers sound advice regarding “going for it” and not working to “pay one’s dues.” Don’t buy into outdated and ineffective advice.