self-improvement

You’re Projecting!

When I was a kid, we had all kinds of sayings:

Takes one to know one.

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

Take a chill pill!

But one that stands out is: You’re just projecting! I don’t think we really understood what we were saying, but it usually left the Complainer speechless.

And with good reason.

When we complain about others, we are projecting. Byron Katie’s work includes as “turnaround.” When you find yourself grumbling about someone, she has you turn it around:

“Sheila should not operate out of fear.”

Turn it around.

“I should not operate out of fear.”

With inquiry, we find that we are projecting our own fears and inadequacies.

Page 14*

 

img-3565-1.jpg

“Yeah! And I was just playing and being good, you know?  That’s what makes it fun! They’re just mad because I was winning.”   Kevin was burning with indignation.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah! And now they’re ignoring me. I bet they want me to apologize. But I won’t. I refuse. It’s a matter of principle.”

“Is that so?” Lily continued to eat her lunch.

“Yes! I am right. They are wrong. Period!”  Kevin fumed.

“Hm. Is that so?”  Lily popped a flower bud in her mouth.

Kevin stopped and looked at Lily.

 

 

*of my next book, Kevin the Complainer

Podcasts and Promises

IMG-1978
Daily Painting Challenge: Day 9

I just finished listening to a Rich Roll podcast. His guest was Jesse Itzler who wrote a best selling book about Living with a (Navy) SEAL. Itzler is also married to Sara Blakely who founded Spanx.

Pursuing outrageous physical feats is not my bag. However, I like to keep learning about motivation and what might help others (as well as me) get/stay motivated to constantly improve (work, relationships).

 The biggest takeaway from this podcast for me was to “circle a date in the future” for a goal I have in mind and then to tell everyone about it to hold myself accountable. As soon as I published “Esther, Mia and the Stars,*” I wanted to write my next book. But I haven’t. So here it is: by December 13th, 2018, I will write (and illustrate!) book #2. 

What have you put on the backburner? Share it now (here or elsewhere), and get going!

 

 

 

*Yes, it says “Mia, Esther and the Stars” on Amazon. But it’s the right book.  ;P

 

 

 

 

 

 

13 Habits to Cultivate Every Day* (#5)

IMG-1493

Read. Read. Read!

I still oscillate from watching Hulu/Netflix to reading a good book. Reading ALWAYS provides me with more value to share and enriches my work and life in general. I’ve learned that being observant and having a good partner improves chances of success (Elementary). But going down the path of writing from one’s imagination (obsessively) to producing shows like “Grey’s Anatomy” with Shonda Rimes (Year of Yes) is priceless.

 

*from Ryan Holiday’s Thought Catalog

The 13 Habits: 2/13

IMG-1461

From Ryan Holiday’s Thought Catalog blog:

#1: Prepare for the Day

#2: Take a Walk

Clear your mind and experience nature. Move!

I love taking walks. I’ve had epiphanies and inspiration while walking in the desert.  Strolling elevates my mood. Before you veg out in front of your screen to “relax” (by watching a video, movie or scrolling through Instagram)…go take a walk. You’ll feel refreshed.

 

 

A Force to be Reckoned With

John Force is an NHRA drag driver. He has over 144 victories and is a major player in his field.

As a child, he overcame childhood polio. As a young adult, he raced for twenty years and failed so miserably that he became the butt of jokes.

But he never gave up.

Most of us attempt something a few times and throw in the towel after a few failures.

What are you passionate about? Can you endure hundreds of fails? Public mockery? If you enjoy the process, (the learning and growth) instead of focusing on the end game, it takes care of itself.

Bank Your Account

viktor-forgacs-140590.jpg

I’m a teacher with a limited income. (How’s that for redundant?)

I contribute to my retirement funds, pay my bills, pay for my daughters’ violins, symphony fees and lessons. After that, I don’t have much left. And I don’t feel like I can treat myself to a manicure or purse. I just put the little morsels in savings, paycheck after paycheck.

But I’ve been finding myself feeling a bit empty. Do you know how Stephen Covey says you need to be mindful of emotional bank accounts in your relationships? I believe this pertains to the relationship you have with yourself, as well.

I decided to invest in myself and I have not felt this good in a very long time. I’m taking a class. It’s not cheap. But I believe it will help me achieve a lot more than if I didn’t take it. I feel empowered. Invigorated. Optimistic.

It might take just a small visit to a cupcake shop. It might mean you check yourself into a local hotel for a night or two to have peace and quiet to work on your screenplay. Or maybe it’s time for you to pursue that degree you’ve always dreamed of. Only you know for sure what will make a deposit into your own emotional bank account. But do it. Do what it takes. It will not only raise your spirits, but it’ll raise the spirits of those you love and who love you.

Two days ago, a car was t-boned right in front of me. My daughter was with me, sitting in the front passenger seat. The car flipped and landed upside down just 8 feet from my car. When it was in the air, I thought it might land on us. It didn’t. I realized at that moment – life is really short and unpredictable. When you’re on your deathbed, will you have regrets? That would be the saddest thing of all. It’s up to you. What are you waiting for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subtraction, Not Addition

iy3idsknnxi-kari-shea.jpg

You’re bored. You’re anxious. You’re angry or you’re sad.

You think you’ll be happy if…you get that new job, a raise, new clothes, a new car…

But actually, you already have everything you need to be happy.

Any sign of discontent means you need to SUBTRACT something: stress, work load, self-expectations, junk food, social engagements…THOUGHTS. 

Thoughts can be our enemy. Thoughts can drive you crazy. As Mickey Singer (The Surrender Experiment) points out, “anyone who has ever committed suicide did so through thoughts.”

So if you’re anything less than happy right now, consider subtracting something in your life.