It’s easy to complain and not realize it. Some believe that venting is healthy. It can even become a bonding experience: sharing complaints with your co-workers can provide a false sense of camaraderie. The problem is, it can become a habit and then become a part of your personality.
You don’t want to be that person!
Be firm and let people know your boundaries, but…
Focus, instead, on what you DO want. And get going!
I was preparing to do a backbend with pushups (yes, it’s just as fun as it sounds!) when I was filled with dread and doubt. But Jillian said, “One, two, three!” and I started bending my arms slowly, until my head touched the ground and then I straightened my arms. I did 15 of those. It was grueling. I hated it. I’m glad it’s over.
There’s something about counting…counting down or counting up, it doesn’t matter. Notice when parents tell their kids to do something and they start counting: “ONE…TWO…!” The kids hup to it before “THREE!” Why? They just know they better get going. It’s a weird motivator.
I love this Ted Talk from Mel Robbins. She says the key to success in anything is to know one thing:”You’re never going to feel like it.” You’re never going to feel excited to do those backbend pushups, you’re not going to feel like jumping out of bed to get to work first (well, probably not…) and you’re not going to feel like eating salad instead of cheesecake.
But in those areas of your life that are working, you are doing the things you don’t necessarily feel like doing. You’re exercising self-discipline. Robbins’ “Five Second Rule” is to take action no longer than five seconds from the moment you have the thought, I should…
I should get out of bed now…
I should go for a run…
I should send that email asking for a favor…
I should clean the fridge…
I should go to bed now…
Try it. The rule is, you have five seconds from the time you have the thought. Or make your own countdown!
When I was five and my sister was four, our babysitter watched us coloring in our coloring books. Where my sister stayed within the lines, I colored slightly (OK, maybe not so slightly) outside the lines. “JoAnne colors nicely and Caroline needs to work on that a little bit.” Her sarcasm was not lost on me, even then.
This bit of criticism colored my world (pardon the pun!) “I am not a good artist.” This was just something I accepted for many years. But I’ve always longed to draw and paint. For someone with no formal art education, I think I am pretty OK. I think I can improve and I very much want to improve.
For eons, people believed in the “Fixed Mindset” – that talents are innate and readily apparent; Believers assert that one should avoid mistakes and failures. In fact, if you find yourself failing at something, people who adopt the “fixed mindset” philosophy say you ought to just quit, because clearly, it’s not for you.
But Dweck, one of the leading researchers of motivation, discovered the truth about achievement and learning: The Growth Mindset. She says you learn from mistakes. You grow! Intelligence and talent are developed and in order to be successful, you must make mistakes. Clearly, this is true. The Wright brothers did not discover how to create a plane on the first attempt and Edison did not discover the light bulb on his first try, either. One needs to make mistakes to learn, grow and achieve.
Growth Mindset believers say “yet” is the magic word. I can’t draw well yet, but with consistent practice and quality education, I will!
Check out her website: mindsetonline.com. It includes a test to determine where you are on the mindset continuum and ways to change it.
I’m going to start drawing lessons (free) on skillshare.com. Go Growth Mindset!
I have a desert garden in my backyard. A beloved neighbor gave us all of her potted plants when she moved out of state and the plants have thrived. This year, some new wildflowers grew next to the pots. They’re not related to any of the potted plants and they are not being irrigated. Yet, they continue to grow beautifully on the little rain they get.
People can be like wildflowers. They are transplanted from some other place and they just grow. They take advantage of the resources available. They don’t ask permission.They don’t shrink because the other plants were there first.
They are beautiful in their uniqueness, their peculiarity, and their originality.
We can all be like wildflowers: wild, courageous, strong and proud.
Be like a wildflower. Don’t look for approval or acceptance. Hold your head up high.