We run around and cross off tasks from our “To Do” lists because we believe we are not enough just as we are. We must achieve.
The misconception is that if we don’t do, we are lazy.
Non-doing is not being lazy. It’s simply the decision to be unoccupied.
Sometimes, non-doing is just what we need.
Breathe.
Notice what is right in front of you.
From stillness comes magic.
Dig deeper when you don’t want to start,
Dig deeper when you don’t want to finish,
Dig deeper when you’re bored…angry…looking to blame…
Dig deeper when you’re tired…confused…or mournful.
Dig deeper.
Do better.
And be greater.
I was driving on the freeway and a man next to me cut me off so closely, I thought he was going to hit me.
My adrenaline raced and I had thoughts that no teacher-of-young-children should ever have. I was angry. What a *$#@&! I cursed him and his family. I wished him ill will in every way. He was a jerk, a self-centered @#&$ and…and then I stopped. I was judging him and the situation. As soon as I stopped judging and taking the incident personally, I felt calm. It was a choice: I could be angry or I could be happy. I chose to be happy.
I’ve been trying to secure a grant. It was turned down a few months ago. A great despair and sadness overcame me. I really wanted it. Badly. And then I realized I was too attached. I was suffering and I needed to let it go. Of course, I can re-apply. I can keep re-applying. But if I do, I need to do my best on the application and LET IT GO. No attachment. I’m fine whether I get it or not.This process is really challenging, but definitely possible.
Finally, I find myself in this situation often: I want to get to my writing/workout/GNO, but I have to (fill in the blank = drive my girls to violin lessons or teach summer school). Because I have my mind on what I want to do and because I can’t do it right then, I am resisting reality. And it’s painful. I feel stressed and resentful when I am not doing what I want to do right when I want to do it. This is resisting reality and the only thing that can come of it is unhappiness and suffering. I’m still working on this!
Thus, JAR: Judging, Attaching and Resisting. Eckhart Tolle says that in order to gain complete freedom (and peace of mind) you need to master these mentalities: non-judgment, non-attachment and non-resistance. Do not judge others OR yourself. Do not attach to your desires. And do not resist the present moment. This is really hard to do in our competitive, judgmental world. But, it can be done. Start by paying attention throughout your day. Are you judging? Are you (needlessly) attached to something or someone? Are you resisting the moment? There is great freedom in letting go.
Every time I look at her wall, I wonder if I ought to take these down.
Ava is proud of her awards. But sometimes I feel she thinks it’s a reflection of her self-worth, and it’s not. She constantly looks to fill the next nameless void.
It’s good to improve and accomplish skills and interests, but do we need to have the awards and trophies for all to see? Do we need them in order to confirm our value?
Our friend Howard earned a Harvard MBA. But he would never tell you that. Instead, he will tell you about his volunteer activities, his wedding officiant work and his editorials for The San Francisco Bay Times. Howard is cheerful, selfless and fulfilled. I worry that Ava will develop ulcers by the time she’s 15. Her sense of accomplishment is always fleeting and then she’s right back to anxiety and stress as she strives to achieve another.
I want to do right by my daughters. My hope is always that they will be happy regardless of what the “world” says and that they will seek self-satisfaction before praise from others.
Kismet 