Health, motivation, Personal Success, relationships

The Light! The Light!

 

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Jan. 3, 2018

Like Moths to a Flame...This adage refers to the belief that people are driven by misguided values (such as greed or lust) and that this inevitably leads to self-destruction (moths commit suicide when they fly to the light).

Entomologists still don’t know why moths do this. With each hypothesis, there are contradictions to the assertion. Thus, the mystery continues. (LiveScience)

Something that we DO know is that people often kill their dreams through self-doubt and bad habits. It’s a slow and painless death. In fact, it might be quite enjoyable: Netflix Marathons, junk food binges and endless chatting on social media are feel good in that moment.

But…

Passivity is killing your End Game. [End Game = publishing your book, starting your company, getting a better job, fostering rich relationships, running a marathon, losing 20 lbs., etc.]

Each day is precious. What action can you take to replace just one self-sacrificing habit today?

 

 

 

 

 

Personal Success, relationships

Good Form

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Artist:  Josie Wipff (in her art class)     December 25, 2017

This is an etching my daughter gave to me for Christmas. It’s created by painstakingly scratching the black off the etching paper with extremely sharp tools. Pushing too hard or going too fast can ruin the effect.

It reminds me that beauty and harmony can often result from taking away, and not adding:

  • Remove the resentment, disappointment and anger from your part of relationships.
  • Remove clutter in your living space.

But do this with great care.

 

 

Health, motivation, Personal Success, relationships

Encounters of the “Dreadful” Kind

Fear (or terror) is the root of all anger.

Do you get angry often? Want to change but don’t know how? Try the five “whys.” Ramit Sethi recommends asking yourself “why” five times to get to the root of procrastination, but I think it can help identify all types of suffering.

Example:

When I drive, I get angry with drivers who are slow and get in my way.

Why?

Because I’m tired and I just want to get home.

Why?

Because my clients were terrible and I want to relax.

Why?

So I can feel good and forget about the day.

Why?

It was a hard day because I don’t feel good about how I handled one of my meetings. I’m afraid I didn’t seal the deal (or impress the boss, or look good to others, etc.)

Why?

Because I didn’t prepare well enough… I went to bed too late last night….I wasn’t at the top of my game…I don’t like my job…

By the fifth why, you usually get to the real root of the problem. It’s not the traffic, but your fears that drive your anger.

Painful events and relationships are lessons to us. Life is a persistent teacher and homework will keep coming until you’ve passed the test.

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Whooo’s angry?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Health, motivation, Personal Success, relationships

What Gifts do You Bring?

Do you bring…

  • full attention and presence?
  • judgment and shame?
  • happiness and enthusiasm?
  • fear and anxiety?
  • unconditional love and freedom?

Your spirit permeates your life and your loved ones. What you reap, you will sow.

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money, Personal Success, relationships

Where Does the Ladder Lead?

“Success” in the career realm often means “climbing up the ladder” or obtaining a promotion. If you are interested in this, Eric Barker has data-driven advice:

Network. There are wrong ways and “right ways” to do this. The right way is to offer help to those around you at work – and not just to the well-liked people. If you can forge a strong working relationships with everyone, you’ll be more likely to hear about opportunities and therefore, be able to apply for them faster than others.

And, stating the obvious: If you are helpful to others before you need their help (advice, introductions to others, etc.)  then you won’t be sleazy. In fact, people will want to help you.

If you aren’t interested in climbing the ladder or playing this game, but you’re kind to everyone regardless of your job, you’ve already reached success.

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Personal Success, relationships

Why Do People Cheat? Tony Robbins and Esther Perel #2*

 

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Photo by Paz Arando

 

More information from Tony Robbins’ podcast with Esther Perel on Infidelity:

  • Infidelity is #1 reason for divorce in France, but not just because of cheating, but because the cheated believes their partner “fell in love with someone else.”
  • Perel asks her cheating clients if they suffered a loss recently, such as the death of a loved one. Sometimes people try to fill that loss. It has nothing to do with their partner.
  • People often do what they are allowed to do.
    • That’s worth repeating:  People often do what they are ALLOWED to do!
  • If you find messages between your spouse and his/her lover, do not read all the messages. You will not be able to get them out of your head.
  • Some questions to ask when you find out your partner cheated:
    • How did this happen? Were you being safe? Why did this happen? Is there another child? Do I know this person? Is this person likely to come after us?
  • Don’t ever make decisions based on the affair. Do not think your entire life is destroyed. You will need a good therapist who can help you contain the situation in the first month or two.
  • What should people DO in this situation?
    • Change your story, change your life.
  • Is there any good in staying and working it out?
    • You need to ask yourself if you’ve given what the other needs.
    • We are willing to work really hard in business, in our work, but we expect our marriage to be easy.
    • Show up. Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. No one who does the right thing ever regrets it.
    • Stop being a pleaser.
    • Ask for what you want.
    • What if the worst day of your life became the best day of your life? (This is a Tony-ism)
    • What can we learn from this? What did we neglect? What were we complacent about?
    • You can’t change your partner. You can only change yourself.
    • Ask questions that will reveal information about your partner. Don’t ask sordid questions.
    • If you made mistakes in this relationship and you choose to move on, you will repeat your mistakes.
    • Your partner never belongs to you. We all have the option to renew.

If you want to purchase Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, you can go here