You’re Projecting!

When I was a kid, we had all kinds of sayings:

Takes one to know one.

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

Take a chill pill!

But one that stands out is: You’re just projecting! I don’t think we really understood what we were saying, but it usually left the Complainer speechless.

And with good reason.

When we complain about others, we are projecting. Byron Katie’s work includes as “turnaround.” When you find yourself grumbling about someone, she has you turn it around:

“Sheila should not operate out of fear.”

Turn it around.

“I should not operate out of fear.”

With inquiry, we find that we are projecting our own fears and inadequacies.

Awe and Stillness

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“It seems to me that some of us value information over wonder, and noise over silence. And I feel that we need a lot more wonder and a lot more silence in our lives.”

Fred Rogers

 

Hello, and what do you do?

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“When you completely identify with your role (mother…doctor…), then something vital is missing. If you play a role at work, you always have a secondary motive because the ego is at work. You’re not totally focused on the task at hand because there is some self-interest there. You want to protect yourself. You want to get credit for yourself…or use the people around you.”

Eckhart Tolle

 

Tamed

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A month ago, they were fighting so much we had to muzzle them when they were in the same room.

What changed?

A slow transition to unmuzzled company.

Daily exercise.

Firm but loving handling: sitting before going out a door, sitting before feeding, etc.

Immediately redirecting any aggressive behavior.

Lots of positive reinforcement of good behavior.

 

Dogs are a lot like humans!

Divided We Fall…

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Labels separate us.

I’m typically identified in my country and community as “Asian-American” because I’m 100% ethnically Korean (but I was born in Iowa). We have Mexican-Americans, African-Americans, and Native-Americans but rarely do we ever call white people European-Americans. What is the ramification of this?

Why not do away with these labels?

Who cares if someone is gay or straight? Religious or not? Conservative or Liberal? Poor or rich? Why not label everyone simply “human” and treat each other humanely?

A religious woman I know told me, “I love my gay son, but too bad he’s going to go to hell.” Labeling her son and categorizing him as a sinner effectively created an unnecessary distance and one I believe she could regret.

Labels are used to create differences. It’s time we emphasize how we are the same.

Here is an in-depth, research-based study on the effects of labeling people:

Why It’s Dangerous to Label People (Psychology Today).