I’m Back!

Goodness. Sad state of affairs when having our laptop go out of commission completely blindsides your blog! On top of getting the computer up and running (a complete overhaul was necessary, lost all work), I could not remember my password! But here I am.

Making nice progress on the novel. I visualize it as a movie, which is different for me. I did not write the 300 words today. Somehow, the gym workout always wins over sitting and writing. Being in good physical shape helps me alleviate stress, which is #1 for me and my loved ones!

Went to a 6 year old’s birthday party today. Bowling. 6 year olds have a knack for bowling in slow motion. Amazing. Even they get bored watching the ball roll slowly toward the pins. They look away for awhile and then the adults say, “Look! Look!” just in time to watch the ball mysteriously roll AROUND the pins. Then there is the cake and opening of gifts. Claude loves Star Wars. We had a heck of a time shopping for a boy. What do they like?! You could buy a girl her 90th Barbie and she’d be happy…anything pink and shiny. But boys….trucks? Action figures? We settled on Star Wars Legos.

Celebrations remind us of milestones. I could not help but think that little kid birthdays could be celebrated within the family alone. I mean, we don’t really know all these people, I don’t even know Claude. Will Claude remember this birthday? When he’s 18 and looking at his Birthday Pin, signed with all the names of children who attended his 6th birthday, will he remember any? What will he feel?

Willey and I will celebrate our 12th anniversary this year. Maggie turns 9 in August. Supposedly, labs have a life expectancy of 10-12 years. Looking at Maggie, she looks to be at the top of her game. I refuse to believe she will pass within the next 4 years. Impossible! Ava is about to turn 6. I received a “Kindergarten registration” form from the school and was happy to toss it. We’re over that hump! But there is sweet sadness to it all too. They are so innocent and funny. They hug me indiscriminantly. I pick them up after school and they scream “Mommy!” with wild abandon.I hope above all else that Willey and I will always enjoy a close relationship with them. I don’t want them to shut us out with electronics and slamming doors. I dream of visiting them in college and taking them out for luxurious lunches, getting our nails done, etc. I hope!

This year, we had JiMin with us. What a wonderful, rich experience it has been. We have only one month left and there are so many things I still want to ask her and share with her. We will all feel the loss come June 5th. Her presence and the issues that have arisen from her visit are the direct inspiration for my story. Still, she never exhibited the rebellion I’ve heard of other students displaying: smoking, drugs, drinking, sex, or skipping school. Through tears, frustrations and tons of laughter, we have met our expectations and then shot right through them.

2,408 words

That’s the word count I have on my novel. I am THRILLED when I write 300 words in one day. I’m very happy with the ideas I have on paper so far. It’s amazing how a story develops as you write. The writing process will always satisfy me.

We had a minor tragedy this evening. I told Josie and Ava to clean Ava’s room (they both made the mess) before dinner. Ava emerges 10 minutes later and says, “mom, will you please help me clean my room? Josie isn’t helping me.” I looked around for Josie. Our bathroom door was locked. Willey and Josie were in there, having a serious conversation. I told them that Josie better come out and help her sister clean up! Willey replied, “yes, Caroline, she will. Just give her a minute.” So I did. Then he comes out and tells me that we have a slight tragedy of sorts….Josie has cut her own hair and is extremely upset for two reasons: one, she doesn’t like it. Two, she’s very fearful of my reaction. “So, please, don’t yell at her. She cried a large puddle already.” I was curious about the new ‘do.

JiMin asked “what’s wrong with Josephine?” I told her what I knew. Ava said, “I saw her. Her hair looks like this”: she fanned her fingers above her forehead.

Josie ran to her room crying hysterically. I went in and calmed her down. “I don’t want to be punished!” she yelled. “OK, I’m not going to punish you, but you need to have a consequence. Ava cleaned her room all by herself. And I had to help a little bit. You were supposed to help her clean it.” Josie readily agreed.

“So, I’m giving Ava a magnet.”

“And taking one of mine away?”

“No, you just don’t get one. But you can earn one tomorrow. You’ll have to do something extra to help.”

Josie liked this idea. We then had our curry and read books and did some math (adding three different digits).

Now, I write this blog, my eyes burning from fatigue. It’s not even 9pm yet. I still have to write up my summer school course descriptions for the catalog and email it tonight. Luckily, I wrote my 300 words already.

Humor

It’s something you can lose or forget you have, like that 5 spot in the pocket of your jeans. Weeks might go by without it and when you find it, you’re elated. I laughed tonight reading a friend’s blog. She’s talented and hilarious and I know she must have had some serious hardship and heartbreak in order to earn her humor. I miss her.

I’m procrastinating at the moment. My former Kicking Muse writing cohort from San Francisco asked me to read her manuscript. It’s 492 pages long. It’ll be a nice, easy read…but still, 492 pages long! It also remind me that I only have a measly 1,200 WORDS in my novel. Pfffffffft! Here goes!

Satisfaction

Things that have been satisfying recently:

Been writing 300 words every morning – OK, almost every morning. Making good progress on “David & Yeunja”, a dramatic modification to my last short story, “John E. Lee.”
Biore – hubby’s nose. Very satisfying.
Making the girls’ lunches for tomorrow.
Running with the dog and walking the girls home from school.
Passing my two AEPA tests – received official results today. I did MUCH better than I thought I did!
Receiving my paycheck every other Thursday.
Making a massage appointment (tomorrow)!
Waxing my brows.
Watching Willey play chess with Ava before dinner and….
Updating this blog!

Being here

Listened to voice recordings of the girls from three years ago. Ava was 2 and Josie was 3. It made me cry, how precious they were and are and how time flies. I got up early to pack them lunches (they love that) and decided I would not raise my voice even once today. I was really “HERE” today, every minute. And you know what? I got so much out of it. Instead of thinking “I have to do laundry, I have to clean the bathroom, I should be writing….” I was really present and felt calm, loving (and dare I say it?)….happy! This is a secret to writing also, even if you’re not actually writing with pen and paper, you are a writer. I had an intense insight to my story while sitting with the girls…it came effortlessly.

Update: I wrote 302 words last night! Now, for today….Feb. 19th.

Kisses and Hugs

Willey has a bad cold. Our Valentine’s kisses are limited to quick pecks of the lips. Of course, that’s temporary – he always says “what the heck” and so do I. We share EVERYTHING! The girls are full of energy and are displaced for a few minutes as the heating maintenance man is here, checking the vents. JiMin just woke up. It’s early for her 9am! Being a teenager has some benefits…

My goal is to get a very good idea of my characters today and to write (even if crappy) 300 words. That is LaMott’s prescription. I only have a couple index cards written out.

My Valentine’s present this year was a delicious margarita – Willey makes the best ones. This morning, he made me a cup of coffee.

Time and Money

I wish I had an entire day to write. Actually, to flesh out my characters and get to know them. To dream. I am on the brink! But I need more time. I’m writing notes on index cards, a la Anne LaMott.

On another note, Korean class offered by Korean Cultural Center of Arizona has been cancelled due to low enrollment this spring. I hope it has nothing to do with Mrs. Michelle Kim’s health (she’s the Director of the Center). It’s sad. It’s such a wonderful program and now it will be a major uphill battle (and MUCH more work for me!) to teach the girls Korean. Hopefully, JiMin can help before she leaves in June.

Willey is almost finished with his 1,000 piece puzzle…just in time to pay complete attention to me for Valentine’s Day! I’m going to make a beautiful dinner for the entire family and have the girls (JiMin, Josie and Ava) help me make the dessert. The menu is undecided as of now…

Holding Pattern

Ava got ill…coughing, hacking, fever. Stayed home. Planned for sub. I’m in a holding pattern with the writing, although I managed to write a couple pages at Starbucks Monday. Forecast: rainy this weekend. Just perfect for writing.

Addendum: heard on NPR “You must write about what you believe in, or it won’t stand up.” (paraphrased)

Monday Feb. 9 – I have a renewed energy and inspiration for writing now. Today’s word: toady. I am beyond being toady with anyone in life. Josie and Ava are on the brink of 100% health. What I do, I do for them.

Change is Good

OK, so now my story is looking different again. I just started free writing and came up with a new character. The story is quickly becoming one that reveals differences between Korean culture and American culture. My KA character is being confronted by his own shame and racism. It surprised me as I wrote it. I’m still just writing and not sure where it’s going, but I can visualize it as I write: he’s a professional, running the rat race and is unexpectedly “forced” to take on his cousin from Korea, a teenager. Of course, the fact that I have a 17 year old Korean exchange student is speaking to me, but it’s not her. I’ve been inspired by her and ideas sprout from that. I’m excited. This could easily be the short story turned novel turned film!

oh nuts!

I just realized my promise to myself to post a new blog every Friday. How did this happen? It’s almost 10pm, I’m tired and I have AEPA tests all day tomorrow, starting at 8am sharp and here I am writing in a frenzy.

OK. Update on my writing. Most of it was done in my head. Hahahaha! Seriously. I do a lot of thinking about it, but not much on paper. I have been doing journal writing which has helped my mood considerably. I did make one BIG decision regarding John E. Lee – the focus will be on his life in contrast to his father’s and how they have practically no relationship. It’s going to be difficult, because a man’s relationship to his father is so different from a daughter’s….but I’m excited when I think about it. Some people have suggested I focus on his love life, but I’m not inspired there at all. Not that he can’t have a love life (he will!) but that won’t be the focus. I hope to have a great short story and then turn it into a novel. I just have to get it out of my head and on to paper.

Kismet

Daily Practice

Author: chungwipff