Carpe Diem

When my daughters (14 and 15) are grown and living on their own, I hope they miss me and call me often.  I hope they visit. 

We’re in middle of high school angst: social issues, the need to be more independent,  and stress of grades. On some days, I feel like I am nagging incessantly. It can be drive a wedge between us. 

The 14 year old went out with friends so I pounced on the opportunity.

“Josie, want to go out for lunch with me?”

“Where?”

“Anywhere you want.”

She chose a Japanese restaurant and had the chicken teriyaki bento box. I had the California roll. She told me funny stories about her friends and how she feels anxious,  even when on vacation.  I was careful to just listen and sympathize.  

We had a wonderful time.

Choose Humanity

 

“Just because I am homeless doesn’t mean I haven’t got a heart, or I’m not human still.”

Stephen Jones, Homeless man who helped victims of the Manchester Arena bombing (Ariana Grande’s concert).

Stephen Jones could have run for safety. Instead, he stayed put amid the chaos of the bombing and pulled nails out of the faces of and arms of children.

Choosing humanity over barbarism isn’t always so dramatic.  We can make this choice each day. We can give 100% focus to the person in front of us. We can speak with kindness and patience. We can take care of ourselves (diet, sleep, exercise) so that we are able to give more to our families. We can choose to do better when we know better.

We can begin now.

 

 

 

Mom

She used to treat us to McDonald’s every once in awhile, with money she earned selling Avon. We enjoyed sitting with her. My mom always beamed at us with love and pride.

I take my girls out for treats, too.  I hope they look back someday (as I do) and remember these good times.

Mom used to visit me in the middle of the night with medicine and a hug when I was sick.

I do the same for my daughters.

Mom used to drive us to violin, cello, piano and Tae Kwon Do lessons.

I drive my daughters to violin lessons, rehearsals, auditions and concerts, too.

Mom was always quick with words of encouragement, compassion and unconditional love.

I try to do the same, but she was (and is) better at it, definitely.

My mother taught me how to be a good parent and a good person. She’s still teaching me this.

Every nurturing mother in the world is the reason we have the compassion, love and support that we pass on.

 

Holocaust Remembrance Day: April 24, 2017

The Holocaust, by witness accounts (and primary source documents) was the most horrific act on humans by humans during the bloodiest, deadliest, most costly war in all of history.

As we observe this day, I invite you to make a difference: Show kindness all day. Substitute a kind gesture for all the moments you would normally express impatience or intolerance. Just try it for several hours or, better yet, the entire day.

Don’t honk your horn.

Don’t complain.

Don’t raise your voice.

Instead…

Help someone load their car with their groceries.

Hold the door open for others.

Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in the drive thru.

Smile at every person you encounter.

Speak up for the weak and oppressed.

 

Negative thoughts are pollution. Detoxing will benefit the people around you. Practicing love could become permanent!

 

Hey, Jealousy!

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by Ivan Cabanas

Ahhhh! Love!

Love can be destroyed by jealousy.

 

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This is a mugshot of a man who was convicted for domestic abuse. You might say the signs were obvious from the beginning. But aren’t they always there in the beginning…  the temper, the irrational questioning, the possessive demeanor?

In the past week, several women in my life have told me their stories. It seemed like a sign to share it on my blog.

It starts with a whirlwind affair: the romance and attention. His questions and constant hovering are flattering. He really loves me!

I know far too many women who have dated and/or married such men. These women are smart, loving, and highly educated. It goes both ways, women do this to men, too.

Why do the perpetrators do this? Because (in most cases), they lack self-esteem. No one can give them self-esteem, which means that it’s not going to get better until they work on their self-confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the suspicious questions and constant angry surveillance take a toll:  paranoia, insecurity, resentment and finally, anger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love in San Francisco

 

My husband emailed me this morning:

Baby:

It was 20 years ago that I said, “We should get married.” And you said, “Duh.”
Happy Anniversary.
 – Homer Simpson/Bill Chung/Willey

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I had my share of failed relationships before I met him. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had married any of the others I dated before he came along. It is not so much that those gentlemen were not “good enough,” but because I wasn’t evolved enough until I met William.

We met at a party. This is going to sound cheesy, but I promised myself – just hours before the party – that I would never put anyone before myself again.

Yes, this is intensely personal. But if my post can help just one person, then it’s worth it.

Our relationships with others can’t be good until we get straight with ourselves.

You should not seek a partner so that she or he can love you. You have to do that for yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Make Marriage Work

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In three months, my husband and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. We dated for 2 1/2 years before we tied the knot and I believe that is a factor for success: Don’t jump into a lifelong commitment!

But another key to making it work is translating what your spouse says. You see, we don’t always say what we actually mean.  There are more positive underlying meanings that we’re missing out on! I’ll give you an example:

My husband does not like going to the doctor. He does not get checkups, despite the fact that I – his wife – am a cancer survivor and that he has some serious cancer issues on his side of the family. Naturally, I look out for him.

Me: Honey, would you mind if I make a colonoscopy appointment for you, now that you’re 50? (Translation: I care about you and want you to be around for awhile).

Him: I guess there’s no stopping you. (Translation: Oh thank you so much! I really appreciate that you love me so much to do that).