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Tag: funny
Peddling
The History of Snake Oil
When Chinese railroad workers came to California, they brought with them a magical elixir made from water snake fat. The fat from these snakes was high in Omega-3 fatty acids which we know today really does work for reducing inflammation, blood pressure and more. Non-Chinese went crazy for the stuff.
Non-Chinese started to make their own snake oil, but either watered it down, or used fat from other animals that were not nearly as high in Omega-3. Peddlers sold this inferior “snake oil” and then it got a bad reputation. (Very Well Health)
And here is one example of modern day “snake oil”:
Wait, you can INFUSE YOUR SKIN with youth? Why, then, is it on clearance?
Freebie for You
Now that I have nearly mastered painting (as evidenced in my drunken kangaroo and Chiweenie (aka “the Rat Dog”), I am sure you are wondering what goes on in the mind of an artistic genius.
You’re in luck.
I’ve decided to share this with you – and completely free of charge:
First, I sit with a pencil, a glass of water, my assortment of paint brushes, my gouache paints and the paper. The magic commences…
Oh God, I can’t…I just can’t draw this monkey/llama/dog/cat/kangaroo…I wish someone would draw it for me and I could just paint it. Like a coloring book, but with paint, not crayons.
Oh no…I cannot mix paints. I wish these colors all just came in the tubes – ready to go. I’m no good at mixing colors. They never come out the way I want. Wah…wah…wah!
Ugh, I have to paint that fine line? How? How does anyone paint such straight/smooth/exact lines? Its. Too. Hard.
Surprised? Yes, I knew you would be. Even great artists can be wracked with self-doubt. But we just go on and do it.
It is called “courage,” grasshopper.
Ice Breakers Part Deux
It’s summer school, 8:45am and the second graders are doing ice breakers (see yesterday’s post)
Adam*: “I have a little dog, a big dog and a cat…that cat is not so nice.”
Me: “I see. Does the cat bite?”
Adam: “Sometimes. If you came to my house and tried to pet it, then yes.”
Me: (laughing) “Well, I’ll try to remember that.”
“Oh! I also have…had…a hairless rat.”
“Had? Did he die?”
“Yes. He’s dead.”
“Dare I ask…did the not-so-nice cat…”
“No, no. The rat, he just died. You know, it’s the circle of life thing.”
* (not his real name)
Kids and Pets Part I
The Setting: Summer School with eleven 2nd graders, 8:45am.
We do an ice breaker: How many of you have pets? I ask.
Sam* raises his hand.
“I have a little dog, he’s part…”
“Poodle?!” Adam* interrupts.
“No, he’s part…”
“Beagle?”
“No, he’s part hot dog dog and…”
“Terrier?”
“NO! He’s part hot dog dog and chi…”
“He’s a chihuahua!”
“NO! I HAVE A CHIWEENIE!”
The Sleepy, Drunk Kangaroo
Go Fish…
I’m thinking about becoming a pescatarian…
Really? I thought you were a devout Catholic!
