The Year of Copper

Today is our 21st wedding anniversary.

The other night, my husband, my mother and I, were in our swimming pool under a full moon.

William pointed at shining orbs in the inky sky. “That’s Jupiter and look..that’s Venus.” Mom stared and said, “I didn’t know that!”

He takes the telescope out, located the planets and asks her to come out of the pool to look at them. With some adjustments, she sees them. The full moon, especially, astounds her.

I wonder if she’s ever looked through a telescope before.

They marvel at the planets.

I marvel at them.

I’m working in his office just for the balance of summer. It’s kinda nice…

Oh Deer!

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Drawing Practice #55

Went for a run again last night with William. It was much colder than it has been, but we didn’t back down. We also ran during sunset and not in the dark. It was beautiful and I was (am!)  grateful for this connection with my husband and nature.

As we approach the new year, I’m reflecting on this past year. It was pretty awesome. One thing I’d like to have more of is outdoor time as a family: more hiking and less technology. (Technology is great, don’t get me wrong, but using it most of one’s waking hours is not necessary).

 

 

 

Why Do People Cheat? Tony Robbins and Esther Perel #2*

 

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Photo by Paz Arando

 

More information from Tony Robbins’ podcast with Esther Perel on Infidelity:

  • Infidelity is #1 reason for divorce in France, but not just because of cheating, but because the cheated believes their partner “fell in love with someone else.”
  • Perel asks her cheating clients if they suffered a loss recently, such as the death of a loved one. Sometimes people try to fill that loss. It has nothing to do with their partner.
  • People often do what they are allowed to do.
    • That’s worth repeating:  People often do what they are ALLOWED to do!
  • If you find messages between your spouse and his/her lover, do not read all the messages. You will not be able to get them out of your head.
  • Some questions to ask when you find out your partner cheated:
    • How did this happen? Were you being safe? Why did this happen? Is there another child? Do I know this person? Is this person likely to come after us?
  • Don’t ever make decisions based on the affair. Do not think your entire life is destroyed. You will need a good therapist who can help you contain the situation in the first month or two.
  • What should people DO in this situation?
    • Change your story, change your life.
  • Is there any good in staying and working it out?
    • You need to ask yourself if you’ve given what the other needs.
    • We are willing to work really hard in business, in our work, but we expect our marriage to be easy.
    • Show up. Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. No one who does the right thing ever regrets it.
    • Stop being a pleaser.
    • Ask for what you want.
    • What if the worst day of your life became the best day of your life? (This is a Tony-ism)
    • What can we learn from this? What did we neglect? What were we complacent about?
    • You can’t change your partner. You can only change yourself.
    • Ask questions that will reveal information about your partner. Don’t ask sordid questions.
    • If you made mistakes in this relationship and you choose to move on, you will repeat your mistakes.
    • Your partner never belongs to you. We all have the option to renew.

If you want to purchase Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, you can go here

Why Do People Cheat? Tony Robbins and Esther Perel #1*

 

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Photo by Jeremy Wong

 

I’ve been listening to podcasts. Many podcasts. My favorites are Tony Robbins and Optimal Living Daily. Recently, I heard Esther Perel on Tony Robbins and it was mind-blowing! I learned so much.  I’m in a healthy marriage, but I know a lot of people are not. I thought I’d share some interesting tidbits here. Perel, by the way, is a relationship expert. She’s been studying relationships for 35 years. Esther is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. She’s amazing and you can read more about her here.

The following information is from Tony’s podcast with Esther, Part II:

  • It’s our differences that create passion.
  • Triggers for affairs – Two main reasons:
    • feeling neglected, loneliness, sexual frustration, a deadness inside (bad marriages)
    • to feel “alive” – the absence of obligation and burden (good marriages). Not for sex, but for desire and aliveness.
  • People having affairs are not looking for another partner, but a new “self”
  • How to recover from an affair:
    • acknowledge the pain you created with the affair (remorse);
    • prove how much you want to stay – give back the value of your partner;
    • help your partner understand why you did it (a list of hotels is NOT the answer);
    • there can be no shame in staying

 

…to be continued…

 

 

 

*Tony Robbins Podcast October 18, 2017

Spats

Their fighting is your inner battle – your own malcontent

when the volume rises and their words get sharp

when your heart seeks shelter and your fingers flutter

let it roll over you

 

they’ll work it out with fists of hurt

and lash each other with words of stone

until they’re bruised and bloodied

 

let it roll over you

 

let it go

it’s theirs

not yours

 

 

 

A Date on Humpday

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Photo by Andrik Langfield

We haven’t had a rendezvous – just the two of us –

for what, weeks? Months?

 

It’s the middle of the week

a school night (!)

 

Somehow, at this table with you

time has halted

 

And we are just two souls sharing

a meal, a night and a breath