Some people take an awful lot of selfies
but they don’t know who they are on the inside
self-image
Eat Your Words
While pregnant with her, the most astounding thing happened! I would put food in my mouth and chew. She’d kick like mad before I even swallowed. This occurred every time. I was incredulous – what a baby!
When she was two, she had chocolate cake. She kicked her feet high in delight. The frosting was all over her face and her eyes shone with joy.
At four, she had pizza. How she held it in her tiny, pudgy hands!
She’s had many meals since then. With girlish abandon, she eats what she wants when she wants: warm bread with butter, garlic mashed potatoes, steak, ice cream sundaes and healthy food, too.
She. Loves. Food. She likes high quality food. She can discern whether ingredients are fresh and she doesn’t like gristle on her steak.
She also loves dance class. She loves to learn challenging moves and practice them over and over and get good at it. She’s made such progress! Her body is lithe, supple and strong.
She’s my baby. She’s 15, but she’s my baby and I want her to be happy and healthy. I want her to love eating, dancing, laughing and playing violin all the rest of her days. I want her to enjoy life!
But our culture wants to destroy her. American society wants her mind to be cloudy with insecurity and a bit of self-hatred. Air-brushed models are in magazines, surgically modified celebrities are on TV, the Internet and film.
Even family members make comments. Grandparents plant seeds of doubt when they caution against weight gain. They compare sisters to each other, silently massacring dreams and self-confidence. They undermine the strong sisterly bond that exists. Well, they try anyway. These girls have each other’s backs, thank goodness.
If she were my son, would you tell him to watch what he eats? Would you scare him and tell him he might get fat if he “puts that” in his mouth? Would you comment on his figure as he stands in front of the fridge?
Please…I implore you…stop it. Stop with the comments and the body shaming. Stop trying to exert control through fear.
Let her enjoy all that life has to offer.
Selfie
Ah, the selfie.
Nothing wrong with taking pictures of yourself once in awhile.
And scientific data linking selfies to narcissim are in their budding stages. But emerging data show a link between frequency of changing profile pictures and use of editing software (to enhance the photos). It seems if you’re editing your photos to look better than you really do signals possible narcissim. (Psychology Today)
Identifying narcissism and and other psychological disorders accurately require a substantial analysis that usually includes multiple traits. No one is saying that just because you’re taking selfies, you’re narcissistic. BUT…
Have you ever noticed how happy dogs are?
It’s because they do not possess a sense of self-concept. They don’t think about themselves and worry about their “image.” They embrace life – everything and everyone around them. They are fully present. We can learn so much from them.
Of course, we’re human and we have higher brain functioning. We have the ability to have self-concepts. But we DO have control over whether we decide to pursue such materialistic fancies.
Why not choose to be happy and disregard the self-concept, the self-image? Just enjoy your life. Don’t be concerned about what other think of you. Remember, “No one cares as much as you think they do.”
A Banner Teen Day
My daughter gave me not one – but TWO – compliments today. Usually, she snottily asks me what happened to my hair, or why am I wearing “those ugly shoes,” or she offers to help me with my very sad eyebrows.
But today, she:
- asked to wear one of my shirts to school tomorrow (!) and
- asked me why I wear big shorts when I have such nice legs (!)
I know this appearance thing is a phase. I try to not get irked too much when I see her taking her 99th selfie or when she practices her smile and picture poses over and over again. But I worry when I see old men ogling at her at the grocery store. She’s fourteen! I want to scream at them. My friend does scream that at dirty old men who look at her step daughter that way. Maybe we all need to scream it.
Another friend of mine (who has been through numerous miscarriages and a stillbirth), told me she turned to her husband the other day and asked,
“Remember when I just worried about being pretty?”
I exercise every day. I used to workout in order to look good. Now, I do it to FEEL good. Having daughters, I am keenly aware that they are watching me. Telling them that being strong is one thing, but showing them is entirely another.
Kismet 