success

Thank you (고맙습니다)

 

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Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for all the piano and cello lessons. Music has been a lifelong passion of mine and speaks to me in all facets of my life. I’ve developed a deep appreciation for it and (hope) I’ve passed that on to my daughters. You sacrificed money and time for us and now I’m doing the same.

Thank you for the Tae Kwon Do lessons. It was hard and it must have been difficult for you to watch Jojo, John and me kicking and punching and getting beat up by grown ups in class. When we broke boards, we felt a new found satisfaction in our focus and power.

Thank you for not allowing us to quit, even when we cried.

Thank you for encouraging and allowing us to work in the cornfields of DeKalb, IL. We got cut by the sharp leaves of the stalks. We sweat and walked 12-14 hours a day during “peak.” But we learned the value of hard work and the true value of money.

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Thank you for allowing us to ride our bikes all over town and for speaking in Korean in the house and pushing Korean food on us, when we just wanted McDonald’s. We came to appreciate different spices and vegetables and it’s a lot healthier, too.

Thank you for not going easy on us.We learned to handle disappointments, heartache, and pain. I was able to handle difficult bosses, financial stress and cancer because you allowed us to become strong and tough. Thank you.

 

 

 

I’ve Been Asking the Wrong Question

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As a recovering Tiger Mom, I’m working really hard to unlearn some bad practices. I don’t expect my kids to get straight A’s. I just want to ensure they always do their best. HOWEVER, I’m aware that I often use grades as a default metric. It’s so easy to buy into the hype: competitive college scholarships, high tuition, “name brand” universities, etc.

In my heart, I know it’s wrong. It’s the wrong place to stress priorities with my kids.

A blogger on Huffington Post bragged wrote about how he and his wife ask their daughters 3 questions each night:

  1. How were you brave tonight?
  2. How were you kind today?
  3. How did you fail today?

Aren’t these more important concerns? Won’t these values take them further than a perfect GPA? Their third question, “How did you fail today?” opens the discussion about effort and not achieving the goal. The parents wanted to stress lessons learned from this taboo subject and, to in fact, celebrate failing! The word “fail” is  leaden with negativity in our culture, but it’s really the only way we get stronger. It’s how we get resilient.

I’ve been asking my daughters a question each day, too. I thought I was being positive.  I shared my experience on FB with my friends:

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What is school for?

According to Seth Godin, school’s purpose should be to:

  1. teach kids to lead; and
  2. teach kids to try things and to FAIL.

He says, “Fine, getting an A is good. But it’s not the most important thing.”

Personally, I’ve known many “successful” (read: high income) folks who burned the midnight oil to get the excellent grades, get into the perfect college and then obtain the perfect,  high-paying job. They’re still not happy.

Don’t we want our kids to lead happy, productive, creative lives?

If you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions. Perhaps the right question is not, “How can my kid get into an Ivy League School?” but “How can I raise my child to be a compassionate, productive, happy citizen?”

What do we need to do to be happy? Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

*photo from unsplash.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make Your Own Motivational Poster: Tip #9

 

The final tip Daniel Pink offers in his book Drive is to Create Your Own Motivational Poster. I know, it sounds lame, but I played around with it and it’s incredibly fun.

Try these sites:

http://diy.despair.com/

http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php

wigflip.com/automotivator/

I made my Kismet poster using bighugelabs.com. It was very easy.

Try it!

Motivational Jump Starts: Tip #8

Here is a smart and simple exercise for assessing whether you’re on the right road to autonomy, mastery and purpose in your life from Alan Webber, Fast Magazine cofounder.

Get a few index cards. On one card, write your response to this question:What gets you up in the morning? On the other side of that card, write “What keeps you up at night?”

Keep each answer to one sentence. Stop when each gives you a sense of “meaning and direction.” Now you have something to use as your personal compass. Check in to see if they remain true. If not, ask yourself what you’re going to do about it.

 

Pink, D. H. (2009). Drive: The surprising truth about what motivates us. New York, NY: Riverhead Books.

 

 

Motivational Jump Starts: Tip #7

Daniel Pink’s Drive shows that mastery requires “deliberate practice” which is not simply consistency of work, but “very purposeful, focused and…painful” work.

Five steps to mastery:

  1. Deliberate practice includes changing your performance and setting new goals, not simply doing the same thing over and over again (Pink, 158).
  2. Repetition matters. “Basketball greats don’t shoot ten free throws…they shoot five hundred.”
  3. Seek constant, critical feedback.
  4. Focus on your weaknesses and how you can get better.
  5. Prepare for an arduously exhausting mental and physical process. This is why so few succeed. Not too many people commit this strongly. Will you?

 

 

Motivational Jump Starts: Tip #6

Tip #6 from Daniel Pink’s Drive cannot be overstated: Just say no. Pink informs us that management guru Tom Peters creates a “To Don’t” list. These items zap energy and time away from goals.

In today’s fast-paced, highly-distractable world, staying on point is an obstacle in and of itself.

“What you decide not to do is probably more important than what you decide to do.”

Tom Peters

Make a list of what detracts from your goals and work. Web-surfing? Netflix? Cleaning? Responding to emails? Don’t do it!

Motivational Jump Starts: Tip #5 (Daniel Pink)

Pink suggests that you get unstuck by “going oblique.” In the 1970’s, Producer Brian Eno and artist Peter Schmidt created a deck of cards that contained strategies to overcome stress and being “stuck” creatively. They called it “Oblique Strategies.”

You can purchase this deck of cards for $500 or used ones for $65 or you can get some great examples for free, here.

I think the bottom line is to “jolt” you out of your rut.

Maybe a deck of cards containing oblique strategies doesn’t do much for you.

For me,  visiting an art gallery or going to a live music event will inspire me to “break the walls” to creativity. Perhaps reading the biography of someone you admire will do it for you, or maybe a weekend trip to a cabin with no technology.

It will be different for everyone. Just make sure it’s in your arsenal of tools for work.

 

Motivational Jump Starts: Tip #3 (Daniel Pink)

After you ask the Big Question, you need to ask the small question:

“Was I better today than I was yesterday?”

Did you do more?

Did you do it well?

Monitoring day-by-day success ensures you will reach your goal long-term.

 

 

Source: Drive by Daniel Pink, pages 155-156

 

 

On Motivation (Daniel Pink) Tip #2

After identifying your “flow” activities and optimal times, Daniel Pink suggests strategy #2:

Ask a Big Question

Clare Boothe Luce (one of the first women to serve in Congress) advised John F. Kennedy to create his sentence. For example, Abe Lincoln: “He preserved the Union and freed slaves.”

One way to focus your life to serve a greater purpose is to create your sentence.

“He raised four kids who became happy and health adults,” is one example.

Or, “She taught two generations of children how to read.” (Drive, pg. 155).

What is your sentence?