Personal Success

Father’s Day

 

Summer School. Day Five.  12 students. Ten more days left. Our days together are so few and there is so much to do.

Kids are like mirrors. I am always learning from them and they show me things about myself. They help me be better. Today, I was teaching them how to use Word: how to open it, type in it, save , change fonts, etc. We were making Father’s Day cards and the fact that one student’s father just went to jail was not lost on me. “If you prefer to write a card to your mother or grandparent, that’s fine.” She chose to make it for her father anyway.

“What if I need to write it in Spanish? My father can’t read English.”

(Taken aback): “How do you communicate with your dad then? How do you talk to each other?”

“We say, ‘How are you?’ and simple stuff like that.”

“OK, Type it in English and we will translate it to Spanish when you are all done.”

Several kids nodded and resumed typing. I continued walking around, helping, realizing the chasm within their families.

One student asks, “Mrs. Wipff, are you going to call Anthony “honey” too?”

 

 

 

 

 

What Do You Want?

Summer school students

yawning, with heads on their desks

                                                                 Why are you here?

To get smart!

College – what is that?

Listen – you can be whatever you want to be

You can do it!

But you must work hard

Now, write down what you want to be

Dream Big!

Mrs. Wipff, how do you spell….

(a list of jobs shouted out)

I write them down

20160607_114207

There. You can be successful,

but you need strong math skills

you need to work hard

it’s all up to you

For the rest of the day, I call on

the doctor, the engineer, and the mechanic

(oh, the teacher and the artist, too)

they smile with their new monikers

they work hard on this hot summer day

 

What To Do in Case of a Tragedy

Chris, our neighbor across the street, and my husband were playing whiffle ball at 5pm on Memorial Day. Less than twelve hours later, Chris would shoot his wife and a stranger with his rifle while on a cocaine binge.

Through a series of clues (helicopters flying over head, freeway closing, news reports and three patrol cars in their driveway), we realized what happened. Willey wanted to knock on their door and let the three boys know we were there for them. Their mother was gone and their father was in custody. Were there any family members around for them? We didn’t know. But it felt too soon to “bother them”. A police officer stayed most of the day at their house and we took solace in that.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when a news truck came to our cul-de-sac and knocked on all of our doors for interviews, just twelve hours after the crime. And I was mystified at the lack of visitors – no friends? No family?

Should we go and check on them? No, I thought. They would not want to see anyone right now. And what would we say? I was afraid to say the wrong thing. Maybe in a week…

But this morning, we spotted the two older boys in their open garage. One just graduated from high school, the other is a few years older. We walked over and wordlessly hugged them, all four of us crying. They moved in a few months ago and I had only spoken to their mother a handful of times. Each time, she flashed a huge smile and stopped to talk in a way so few people do these days: with full presence. She spoke with a kind voice and affectionate eyes.

Willey said, “We want you to know we are here for you. If you need ANYTHING, do not hesitate to let us know. Anything.” Tearfully, they expressed their gratitude.

“Up until now, everyone who has called us or come to our door wants to know what happened. They want to know for their own sake. So it means a lot that you say that.” I did not realize that insurance companies, leasing agents, creditors and news organizations land like vultures on a house of survivors. When they need comfort and love the most, it’s the last thing they get.

In the wake of the ever increasing gun violence in our country (there was a murder-homicide on the UCLA campus today), it will be more and more important for us all to retain our humanity. Don’t be numb to it. Go over there. Hold them tight and express compassion.

 

Post-Mortem (Or, Reflecting On the Year)

A Piece of the Berlin Wall in DC
I’ve held several jobs: website producer, executive secretary, digital media salesperson, radio sales coordinator, and teacher.
I’ve been teaching for over ten years and I’m still learning!

My daughters, ages 13 and 14, attend the school where I teach.

They are teenagers, so I take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. However, when they talk about their teachers, I really listen. Here is what I have learned:

  1. Be strict, but also be fun and approachable.
  2. If a girl is a few minutes late to class, assume she just got her period unexpectedly and give her respect by not belittling her in front of the class.
  3. Teach well – in class. Limit homework. Middle school kids have at least 9 teachers who also assign homework.
  4. Give points and kudos for effort.
  5. Routines are excellent, but change things up a bit once in awhile.
  6. Extracurriculars and school-wide events are worth attending! Don’t make your students miss them.
  7. Control your class!

I think the rules can apply to any job: know your “stuff,” be flexible, respect everyone. Be professional, fun and approachable.

To Mothers Everywhere

My daughter turned 13 today. And I felt like a failure.

I didn’t get balloons for her. We didn’t go out for dinner and I didn’t have extravagant gifts perfectly wrapped waiting for her. I didn’t even make her favorite-yet-simple macaroni and cheese for her special day.

Instead, after working, I co-directed a school-wide Talent Show and got home at 5:45pm. Hurriedly, I roasted cauliflower while my husband grilled burgers. We were hangry – all of us. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. She unwrapped some gifts and said thank you. (Well, she also complained that her teachers were assigning too many tests and homework which were endangering her 4.0 GPA). She and her sister studied for their math final while I contemplated doing a load of laundry. I decided to write, instead.

When I was kid, my mother stayed home and my father went to work. My mom did the grocery shopping, the cleaning of the house, the laundry and the cooking. My father taught college students computer science and math and conducted research. I – and about 70% of all other mothers – do the jobs of both our parents. We work in the home AND outside of the home.

This sounds like I’m complaining. I’m not. I just think we need to take stock of  what we’re doing. I think we need be real with ourselves and stop the “I’m such a failure” talk. From where I’m sitting, men’s jobs and the expectations society has of them has not really changed. They are still expected to make an income, but out of necessity, most wives need to work too. And it’s the women who are expected to host play dates, do back-to-school shopping and coordinate all the social functions. You think I’m wrong? When we have guests who stay at our house, they ask me where things (crackers, towels, soap, etc.) are, they never ask my husband.

There are exceptions, I know that. But this is the rule.

I want to give a shout out to working mothers. I want to give an even louder shout out to single working mothers. And everyone who knows one ought to pass her some chocolate. Wine is good, too.

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Suicide in First World Countries (Part I)

Which country has the highest suicide rate?

Guyana. Experts believe it’s due to the extreme poverty rate, high levels of alcohol abuse and ease of access to pesticides. ¹ Additionally, Guyana has a shortage of social services, including suicide counselors.

The second? South Korea. Up to 40 people kill themselves each  day in South Korea, a strong, economic country. This, experts believe, is due to their extreme competitiveness and their hyper focus on “success.” In fact, suicide is the number one killer of people ages 10 to 30 in that country.

Silicon Valley in California is experiencing an alarming uptick in teen suicides. This, apparently, for the same reasons South Korea experiences suicides: overwhelming stress and competition to succeed in school and then work. “Twelve percent of Palo Alto high-school students surveyed in the 2013–14 school year reported having seriously contemplated suicide in the past 12 months.” (The Atlantic) ²

School administrators, community stakeholders and mental health professionals are rushing to prevent suicides and “suicide clusters” (phenomenon where three or more suicides occur in close  proximity for time and location (CDC)). A large part of working to prevent suicides lies in identifying the cause. Why are successful, talented teens committing suicide?

Suniya S. Luthar, Foundation Professor at Arizona State University, conducted a study of high socioeoconomic (SES) teens and low socioeconomic teens. Her findings surprised her: the high SES teens abused drugs and alcohol at a substantially higher rate. These teens also experienced very high levels of serious anxiety and depression. Why? The teens felt emotionally distant from their parents. They felt they had to achieve just as much, if not more, than their parents in academics and salary. (The Atlantic)

Social media seems to play a role in the speed with which suicides and suicide clusters appear. Students will know of a suicide on the CalTrain track within an hour of it happening and online bullying runs rampant and undetected by parents. Martyrdom of suicides is something school administrators work to avoid: students may not place memorials on school grounds.

Different cultures and countries are handling it differently. Tomorrow, a look at how South Korea is working to reduce suicides among their youth.

Citations

¹ http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/countries-with-the-most-suicides-in-the-world.html

² http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/12/the-silicon-valley-suicides/413140/

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What’s the Story?

 

20160427_175745 (1)

I admit it. I can get wrapped up in my worries and take it out on the people I love. I’m working on it. I really am. In the end, we will all go. What is the benefit of all those worries and petty comments then? They are a waste of time. When I go, I hope I leave some positivity in my wake. Maybe some of my students will like writing better than they used to, or have some fond memories of creating skits and plays. Maybe one or two of my students will learn to embrace the comma and use apostrophes properly.

My daughters – physical legacies of flesh and bone. I hope they will have joy in their hearts and spread kindness in the world and use their talents for the Greater Good.

With this blog, my goals are to either share information or inspiration or both. Writing and publishing every day is pushing me to be more creative and resourceful and to do it quickly.

Thank you for reading it.

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Work Can Save Your Life

“I just wanted everything to be bad and wrong and just as forbidden as possible.”

 

Carla Bley, a musician who has been in a small circle of accomplished jazz musicians since the early 1960s, is still going strong.  At 80, she’s songwriting and recording (as a pianist).
Read more about here here: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/11/arts/music/carla-bley-still-improvising-and-inspiring-as-she-turns-80.html?emc=edit_th_20160511&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68893378&_r=1

I love reading about people like her: elderly but more active than ever. Our culture idolizes youth. We place our senior citizens in retirement homes in front of televisions and expect them to be passive. This is not what happens in other cultures. The Japanese hold their elderly citizens in high regard, looking to them for advice and co-habitating until death.

We talk about retirement and strive to retire early and comfortably. But look at the data: people who retire at 55 have shorter lifespans than those who retire at 65. Working cannot be underestimated. More than material possessions, humans desire feeling needed and effective.

mom sewing

“People who retire at 55 are 89% more likely to die in the 10 years after retirement than those who retire at 65.” (Web MD)*

Perhaps we ought to redirect our focus from retiring early to seeking fulfilling professions.

*http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/news/20051020/early-retirement-early-death