Marriage

How to Make Marriage Work

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In three months, my husband and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. We dated for 2 1/2 years before we tied the knot and I believe that is a factor for success: Don’t jump into a lifelong commitment!

But another key to making it work is translating what your spouse says. You see, we don’t always say what we actually mean.  There are more positive underlying meanings that we’re missing out on! I’ll give you an example:

My husband does not like going to the doctor. He does not get checkups, despite the fact that I – his wife – am a cancer survivor and that he has some serious cancer issues on his side of the family. Naturally, I look out for him.

Me: Honey, would you mind if I make a colonoscopy appointment for you, now that you’re 50? (Translation: I care about you and want you to be around for awhile).

Him: I guess there’s no stopping you. (Translation: Oh thank you so much! I really appreciate that you love me so much to do that).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Our Partners Drive Us Mad

 

I like to create my own content, but tonight, I MUST share something with you. If you’re interested in emotional intelligence, you need to see this:

The School of Life

I love this website. There is so much to learn. Who is “The School of Life”?  They’re based in London.There is a psychotherapist on staff and many writers and researchers. They seem to know their stuff. I like their style.

Here is their Vision Statement:

BEING DEDICATED TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH MEANS THE FOLLOWING:

We want people to have better relationships

To be better parents

To be more understanding children

To be less anxious

To be less scared

To be more self-aware

To be more appreciative

To be more forgiving

To be wiser consumers

To be more mature employees, entrepreneurs and leaders

To create businesses that more accurately satisfy the true emotional needs of consumers

To help work to be more meaningful

To be better at resisting certain noxious messages in society around happiness, success and status.

To have a good understanding of one’s place in history and the distinctive challenges of living in modern consumer capitalism, with its Romantic individualistic hedonistic philosophy.

To be more modest about what happiness is possible – and at the same time more hopeful and appreciative day to day.

To be at ease with culture, mining it for what is useful, using it to enhance one’s own life, not to pass an exam: to be consoled and enlightened by culture.

 

 

So check them out. They cover a wide spectrum of topics. 

 

Search for Sacrament

She adorned herself with auroral acquisitions

brooding to be the best bauble

disguising her diffidence

with an utter lack of resistance

 

Presented with provocation

she balanced the benefits of the bestowal band

affronts, abuse and anger were abysmal

but the lust for love

 

conquered her competence

 

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My Illustrator is busy with school and violin. I’m teaching myself to draw. Be kind.

 

 

 

 

 

19 Years

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June 28, 1997 – We get married!  After a 2 ½ year courtship.

The first year of marriage is traditionally themed “Paper” and this is quite apropos as we work to zero your credit card debt. Most of our income goes to MasterCard and Visa.

In what will become the beginning of a pattern, you help me recover from adversity. I am in a car accident right before the wedding which requires orthoscopic ACL reattachment of my left knee, but you are there for me.

Year 2 = Cotton – 1998 – We walk to the corner market, cook dinner, dance and love life. Cotton symbolizes the intertwining and flexibility a couple has for each other. We learn to give and bend.

2000 – Buy our first house on Mt. Vernon. It has the original electrical from the 1920’s. I can’t toast bread and dry my hair at the same time, but it’s ours, all ours!

Theme: Fruits and Flowers 2001 – Four years of marital bliss!  We take our first trip to Italy together to celebrate John’s 40th.  [We drink lots of delicious “grape juice” and take in all the gorgeous flowers of Italy.]

2002 – Our beloved Josephine Choonja Wipff is born!  Traditional Theme: Wood  – Like the deep roots of an old oak tree. We are a strong family.

2003 – Ava Oksoon Wipff is born!  Traditional Theme: Candy.  Our life is definitely sweet.

 

2006 – moved to AZ, against your wishes. If a marriage has ups and downs, this is our “down.” But we get through it. Theme: Pottery and Willow – Our marriage continues to be the product of our choices and experiences, fired in the “oven of adversity.”

2007 – The girls begin violin lessons with Mrs. Lia Taylor, violin teacher extraordinaire. It’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship. You are starting to like – maybe love? – Arizona’s deserts, natural beauty and space.

 

2010 – I am diagnosed with breast cancer. We are scared. But we weigh the options. I want the cancer OUT! So I opt for a radical bilateral mastectomy. 13 years of marriage and the theme is lace – beautiful, yet strong.

2011 – Ivory – represents fidelity and purity. We have a good taste of the part “for worse” in a marriage by now. And we stick together, help each other through job layoffs and my six surgeries for breast reconstruction. I cry tears of joy (yes, joy!) as I drive to a class to complete my Master’s degree with drains hanging from my chest, under my shirt. I know I am so fortunate to have you…..the girls…this life.

2014 – Furniture is the  is the theme for the 17th year of marriage. Hm. Furniture? We have plenty. We both have the uncanny talent for choosing furniture that is too large for our house.

2015 – Porcelain can be simple or complex. We are decidedly simple. Wrinkles and gray hair are starting to form…our memories are starting to fade. Fortunately, when you say, “Oh, there’s that actress…you know…from that one movie….with that one guy….” I look at the screen and and I completely understand you. See? We no longer need words.

2016 – Our 19th, baby!  Bronze. We shall patina beautifully, my love.