positive psychology

Monday Meditation

bryan does yoga
Bryan Kest

I practice yoga at home. I don’t practice enough, but when I do, I like Bryan Kest’s Power Yoga video.

My favorite part of the practice is when he says:

“It’s not WHAT you do, but HOW you do what you do.” 

He says it slowly and it makes me think every time. Yes, how you do what you do.

Example #1:

Your server at the restaurant carefully places the plate in front of you, smiles and wordlessly refills your glass.

OR…

Your server brusquely sets your plate down and hurries off to the next table.

Example #2:

Your daughter tells you a story and you listen while looking at your cell phone. She feels like an after thought.

OR…

You give your daughter full attention – eyes and ears – as she tells you a story. She feels loved and respected.

We have our “to do” lists. We have jobs that have to be done. We do these action items day after day and they build up to weeks, months and years. This is called “our life.” There is no end to the things that need to be done. But the quality of our life is in the how of what we’ve done on a consistent basis.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow”

IMG_1260

 

Dear struggling summer school student (about to enter 5th grade),

I was your summer school teacher for 3 weeks, 3 hours each day. Today, I said goodbye to you.

I (hope) you learned from me:

  • the value of working hard;
  • the importance of basic skills (math facts);
  • learning can be fun;
  • you are capable of so much more than you think you are, truly.
  • never, ever give up.

 

I learned from you:

  • a few of you are wracked with emotional pain (dad is in jail, parents are divorcing, etc.);
  • you like learning to be fun and you’re quick to learn;
  • you have some amazing teachers at your school (!);
  • “arm” in Spanish is brazo;
  • your lack of sleep might have to do with the violence on your street, late at night;
  • you hope to be the first in your family to go to college.

 

Work hard. Never give up. And you shall make it there.

 

 

Your Fossilized Remains

amber_spider_wasp
Ancient Insects Preserved in Amber *

 

Fossilized remains show us what living creatures were doing at time of death. We can learn from fossils: climate,  diet, relationships, social structures (even of insects).

Chances are, you won’t be an actual fossil. Unless you’re caught up in something really dramatic, sudden and devastating, like the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in Pompeii (79 A.D.) However, you will leave a legacy. What will it be? Works of art? Enlightening music, film or novels?  Or a career of corruption? Maybe you will leave lives richer for your kindness?

My great, great, grandparents lived in Korea. Everything they did affected their children, which affected their children and so on until you have me. Here. In America. My father made the decision to not be like his father, who basically failed at fatherhood: gambled, left the family in debt, etc. My father chose to do the opposite. Because of his decisions and hard work, my siblings, mother, father and I are able to live in the Land of Opportunity.

Whatever you do, whatever you leave, it’s not permanent, but it does count.

man-pompeii-photo_1076197-770tall
Pompeii victim plaster cast

 

Citations:

*http://blog.everythingdinosaur.co.uk/blog/_archives/2013/09/page/2

**http://tinyurl.com/hrmzu4d

 

 

 

 

Walking Meditation

Opal baby

I read about the “Happiest Man in The World” Matthieu Riccard, a Buddhist monk.

I was intrigued both by his title and the advice he gives to “be happy.” His happiness measurement was taken by a “highly complex MRI scan” conducted by cognitive scientists. Basically, he’s off the charts with his happiness.

How does he attain such bliss?

According to Riccard, happiness is something you must cultivate by practice. You have to look in the right places and you have to be aware of your intention – your intention is to be happy. Happiness is not something that just happens to you.

Secondly, you must work to rid yourself of mental toxins. This is a very challenging task during this election year. Included in the definition of negativity are: greed, envy and pride. Again, this is an enormous obstacle for our “selfie” generation!

Learn to master your inner mental state. Be aware of anger and allow it to dissipate. You are not your anger. And contrary to popular belief, anger is not “natural.”

Meditate. Studies show the efficacy of this practice. Start with focusing on your breath as it goes in and out. When you do this, thoughts cannot enter your mind. This is meditation.

Riccard also recommends that you think only positive thoughts for 15 minutes straight. I tried this during my morning walk with Opal. Although it was nearing 90 degrees F. at 5:30am, I arrived home refreshed, energized and…happy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even if You Don’t Want To…

One of my summer school students – I’ll call her Liliana – was woefully deficient in her math skills. Going into 5th grade this year, she should be prepared to work math problems with fractions. However, she was still struggling with simple addition and multiplication. After working intensely for over a week, she grasped basic multiplication quickly.

After successfully solving four multiplication problems, I told her, “OK, you’re ready for division.”

Her eyes grew large. She stepped back from me. “No, not yet.”

“Liliana, you’re ready.”

“Just one more.”

“No, you’re ready. What’s the matter?”

She just stood there, silent.

“It’s ok if you make mistakes at first. That’s how you learn. Look how far you’ve come!”

She looked at me doubtfully. I gave her a problem to sort out, after working one through for her.

She returned with her work. She had made one small mistake. Her brows were furrowed. She was looking at her mistake.

Yet she had successfully worked out several steps correctly before that.

“Look at how far you came, Liliana! Look at how many steps you got right. Focus on that. And now, study your mistake. This is learning.”

She’s still working on division. It will take time. But you and I know that  if she’s determined and works consistently, she will master it.

How many times do we shy away from the next step? How many times do we say, “Not yet”? And how many times do we focus on our mistake and not our successes?

Take that next step, even if you don’t want to.