Personal Success

Rescue Me!

This is Molly.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset
Hold me.

My father-in-law and his wife adopted her. Her previous owners took her to the bathroom and cut her ears off with scissors. They tried to make her look evil and menacing, like them. But she’s so sweet. She thinks she’s a Maltese and lies in your lap – all 80lbs. of her.

This is Maya.

Processed with VSCO with a4 preset
Pet me. Please. Here. Now.

My sister-in-law, Caitlin, rescued her and then realized that Maya needed a lot of physical space to run around in. So my FIL and his wife also have Maya. She’s besties with Molly. She looks fierce, but is the kindest and most empathetic dog I’ve ever known.

 

And this is Opal.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset
If I sit still, do I get a treat?

 

We got her from a local shelter, the Maricopa County Animal Care & Control. She was fur and bones and extremely fearful. Her previous owner beat her with sticks and abused her with the hose. So she’s afraid of water…and the rake…and pool net…but she’s much better now.

Yes, adopting a dog (or cat) from the shelter is saving a life. But Opal saves us each day. She reminds us to smell the lamp post flowers, and to run in fields and eat voraciously. She reminds us of the importance of naps and back rubs. She meditates in the hot Arizona sun. She loves us and she never wants to be away from us.

Consider adopting a pet today. If you can’t, maybe you can donate money to one.  Animals need you!

Antidote for Anxiety

The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it. If you fail anywhere along the line, it will take away your confidence. You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

– Eleanor Roosevelt

DON’T:

  1. hide
  2. complain
  3. be pessimistic
  4. wait
  5. react

DO:

  • reveal
  • compliment
  • be optimistic
  • help
  • ACT (!)

 

 

Observing Tennis Teachers

Today, I watched my niece during her tennis lessons. Separated only by a chain link fence, I could hear and see everything: two former tennis pros teaching 11 kids ranging from ages six to twelve.

I teach in the classroom with pencils, paper and computers and these teachers instruct under the sun with rackets and balls. Yet the underlying methodology of successful teaching is the same:

  • immediate, clear feedback
  • behavior management – create an air of productivity
  • rigorous, high-bar work

This is what I consider to be the “holy trinity” of the effective classroom. I shared my observation with my sister-in-law, “These guys are so strict!”

“Yeah, but that’s why we changed teachers. The last one was too nice and the kids were goofing off all the time and not getting better.”

AHA!

The kids were working hard. They weren’t laughing or goofing off on the sides. When the instructors told them to pick up all the balls, they did. When they had to transition from one exercise to another, they did so, immediately. They were working. But you know what? They love their tennis lessons and they take pride in getting better every week.

After their 90 minute lesson, they stumbled into their cars, exhausted and satisfied.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Six Year Audit – Post Cancer

soma-minimizer-bra-fb-75795097

I’ve recently celebrated my 6th year

“cancer-free” anniversary.

For background, you can read my posts during my treatment and the recovery. It’s been an amazing journey, for sure. I’m humbled and a bit sheepish to even say I am a cancer-survivor for I did not have to endure chemo or radiation treatments. However, I do believe I can help others who have been given a cancer diagnosis, because I understand the shock and all the stages that accompany it. I also had a rough reconstruction process which included infections, a defective implant and 5 surgeries.

Anniversaries are a great time for reflection. Looking back, am I stronger now? Less materialistic? Grateful? Kinder? I believe I am. I know I’ve made a concerted effort to be those things. I definitely know the importance of living with presence and that is why I’ve been writing about that so much in my blog. Today is the only day we know we have. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. So cliche, but true!

I am blessed to have a healthy, wonderful family and a career I love. I have an opportunity – every day – to think, be creative, and write.

For all my women friends out there (those I have met and those I have yet to meet) – for you who are handling a personal struggle challenge: you can do it. You can and you will overcome. Take it one day at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Say Yes

 

Went to a great party last night – some friends were turning 50 (!)

and here’s what I learned:

Say YES! to getting into a bathing suit in front of strangers

and getting into the hot tub

Say YES! to strawberry popsicles and chicken tacos

with abuela’s flaming hot salsa

Say Yes! to ping pong (still in your swimsuit)

Say Yes! to the dance floor

and the stripper pole (but keep your clothes on)

Right Now, It’s Sepia…

 

 

Right now, television shows and movies misrepresent people of color

for the most part

It’s not multi-colored or rainbow, like reality

it’s sepia – pretty black and white, with shades in between

 

not reality

 

we need more colors and shapes

we need more reality

we need to see people of color

being people….of color

 

Time to stop complaining

and do something about it

Get out there and start CREATING

instead of WAITING

 

 

 

Japanese Ritual Suicide – Power of Culture

culture
Bilocal Culture Crossing

 

“Seppuku” is a traditional, excruciatingly painful and public way to commit suicide in Japan. It has not been displayed since World War II,  but was widely observed and expected in Japanese culture up until then. Ingrained in Japanese culture is the concept of shame and the expectation of suicide in the face of that shame. In fact, it was not only men who committed suicide (sometimes through disembowelment), but their wives would commit suicide should their husbands have brought shame to their house.

You may have heard of honor killings in India and Pakistan. This, too, is part of their culture. With Internet and social media, some cultures are changing. Closed cultures are opening up due to their youth using social media. They no longer want to embrace these traditions.

Yet, it speaks to the power of culture. Disembowelment? Kill your sister? If your culture dictates that it is right, you will do it, no problem.

Leadership is so critical because leaders help create and maintain culture. An exceptional leader inspires employees and societies. Leaders help create strong, empathic cultures. Thus, it is critical to choose our leaders carefully.

 

Purpose Vs. Passion

FullSizeRender (20)

I just listened to a great podcast with Brian Johnson and Ryan Holiday (The Ego is the Enemy). One great take away (out of many) was the idea that using purpose as fuel for motivation is much more powerful and longer lasting than “passion.”

Often, you’ll hear that you need to find your passion. And that the passion will ensure that you reach your goals. But I’m sure you’ve had days where you didn’t feel that passion and then….you find yourself watching TV or Internet surfing or going out for drinks with friends instead of working on your “passion.”

If you focus on your purpose instead, your motivation goes deeper.

Let’s try an example. Let’s say you feel your passion is music. You practice your instrument and tell yourself that, at last, you’ve found your passion. At last! Now your life has meaning. You practice every single day, happy to be known as The Musician. You audition for a group and you don’t make it. What? But it’s your passion. How could this happen? You practice some more. Audition again. With each rejection, your resolve fades. Maybe this isn’t what you’re supposed to do…maybe you aren’t passionate enough.

But what if you tell yourself that your purpose is to play your best music and bring happiness to others through music? Yes, this is my purpose, you say. So you practice. You audition for parts and you do your very best. You don’t make it. That’s okay, you say. I’m going to keep playing and I’m going to play at the Alzheimer’s home each Saturday, because they always enjoy it. With each audition, you get better. At last, you make it. But you have felt joy all along, because you knew what your purpose was and it was detached from ego.

Purpose is more pure and more enduring than passion as a motivator (but there’s nothing wrong with having both)!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll Cure You of Disease”

tumblr_n61lu9xNJF1r67teeo1_500

The girls (13 and 14) have had their eyes glued to their iPhones. Literally, they can be on Instagram and chat for hours at a time. I get it: It’s 110 degrees outside and you can only swim in our pool for so long. And they are practicing their violins for 60 to 90 minutes each day. If I ask, they fold laundry, take out the garbage and vacuum. That still leaves many hours in the day. They can sit for that long, watching videos, reading other people’s feeds and chatting with friends. Josie is just getting into Pokemon and asks for us to drive her around. I refuse. We tried it last night and I guess the server crashed (?) So No Pokemon Go. I consider this THE disease of their generation: apathy brought on by technology.

Fed up, I took their phones last night. They squawked. And then they went to bed. With the phones in my room, they knew better than to reach for them in the morning. Ava swam 30 laps straight away. Then they made themselves some breakfast. And then I asked them to peel, core and cut up 7 large apples for our apple crisp. They did a beautiful job.  I had Josie organize photos and papers for me while Ava completed making the crisp. “What else, mom?” Fold some laundry.

The girls are into 21 Pilots. We marvel at how distinctly different each of their songs are. We could hear a bit of Bob Marley, Red Hot Chili Peppers, maybe even some Bob Dylan.

“I love how they create so many different sounding songs.” Ava said.

“Yeah, I imagine they listen to a wide range of artists and then are influenced by them. They study what they like. You know, Ava, you play a lot of classical music, but that doesn’t mean you have to only play classical. You can let 21 Pilots influence you too.”

Ava agreed.

“I’m going to compose this song House of Gold and make the harmony for Josie, too.”

While Josie did my makeup (she insisted, I capitulated), Ava listened to the recording and replayed it on her violin. Then she got the computer and re-created the notes on a music software program, MuseScore.

Josie swam 30 laps.

They practiced violin.

We went to Target and came home. They got to be on phones for a bit.

Ava resumed working on the song.

It was a fantastic day. Tyler Joseph cured the disease!