I Must Confess

I detest guns. I’ve never even held one in my hand but I hate ’em. I read headlines about gun violence every day. This one was buried in AZCentral.com, but it just goes to show you that gun violence doesn’t even earn front page real estate anymore.

I wish there were no guns. But I know they’re not going away, not in this country. So I’m not rallying to take gun rights away.

I’m writing tonight to confess.

The new Bourne movie came out and I went to see it. It is FILLED with gun violence (stabbing and choking, too). I couldn’t help it. I am a huge fan of Matt Damon’s. And I like action movies. I like intrigue and psychological thrillers.

But people, it’s FANTASY.

tumblr_nnjxy1GQAA1tpo3v2o1_540 — Fantasy Unicorn

And I think that is where some of us are going wrong. It’s a movie about bad guys vs. good guys/gals – the oldest story structure of all. And some Americans believe – truly believe – they are the good guys and with guns, and that they can fight and win a (gun)battle against a bad guy.

But more often – way more often – the good American gets fearful and shoots his wife/girlfriend/child/neighbor. The disgruntled employee shoots his boss and co-workers. The embittered, bullied student shoots his classmates. A 5 year old shoots his 2 year old brother. And too many bad guys have guns. Too many mentally ill people have access to guns.

So, I confess. I gave into a guilty pleasure. I supported a movie that glorifies gun violence and I know that’s bad.

I’m going to repent by teaching kids really well this year.

Observing Tennis Teachers

Today, I watched my niece during her tennis lessons. Separated only by a chain link fence, I could hear and see everything: two former tennis pros teaching 11 kids ranging from ages six to twelve.

I teach in the classroom with pencils, paper and computers and these teachers instruct under the sun with rackets and balls. Yet the underlying methodology of successful teaching is the same:

immediate, clear feedback
behavior management – create an air of productivity
rigorous, high-bar work

This is what I consider to be the “holy trinity” of the effective classroom. I shared my observation with my sister-in-law, “These guys are so strict!”

“Yeah, but that’s why we changed teachers. The last one was too nice and the kids were goofing off all the time and not getting better.”

AHA!

The kids were working hard. They weren’t laughing or goofing off on the sides. When the instructors told them to pick up all the balls, they did. When they had to transition from one exercise to another, they did so, immediately. They were working. But you know what? They love their tennis lessons and they take pride in getting better every week.

After their 90 minute lesson, they stumbled into their cars, exhausted and satisfied.

Teacher Pay and Conditions

Fig3startz0620

Seems pretty trivial these days, what with terrorism, gun violence and dirty politics in the news, but teacher pay in America is still dismal.

The world looks to Finland when it comes to education, yet their teacher pay is about average in the world. America pays teachers less than Finland does – less than the average. Not only that, teaching is prestigious in Finland, the teachers are well-respected by everyone. Observe a class in a public high school here and I doubt you would find a high level of respect coming from students to teacher.

This article, written by Dick Startz (Professor of Economics, UC Santa Barbara), outlines the issues with underpaying teachers. Yes, many teachers in the United States love their job. They teach very well, despite the low pay. But maybe there are other people out there – highly qualified, passionate educators – who do not pursue teaching because the of the low salary.

There is a lot of waste of money in education. Nearly 50% of all teachers in the United States quit within the first five years of teaching. It’s not simply a question of salary. Teachers – especially math teachers – feel a lack of classroom autonomy. Autonomy is essential for satisfaction in ANY job. But if you couple a low salary with lack of independence, it’s a career killer.

We have a lot of work to do. We need to demand equal rights for all, we need to have gun control and we need to fix broken systems. Give teachers more respect, equitable pay, and more autonomy in the classroom.

When You’re Remarkable (Koi Boys)

When you’re remarkable (really, really, really good), you can:

improvise instead of practicing rote;
have more fun with “it” (whatever the work is);
collaborate with others and contribute more;
work with other remarkable people;
learn from the best;
reach new heights in your field;
widen your Circle of Influence

all it takes is a ton of dedication, focus and work

Simple!

Example of Remarkable Talent: The Koi Boys

Father’s Day

Summer School. Day Five. 12 students. Ten more days left. Our days together are so few and there is so much to do.

Kids are like mirrors. I am always learning from them and they show me things about myself. They help me be better. Today, I was teaching them how to use Word: how to open it, type in it, save , change fonts, etc. We were making Father’s Day cards and the fact that one student’s father just went to jail was not lost on me. “If you prefer to write a card to your mother or grandparent, that’s fine.” She chose to make it for her father anyway.

“What if I need to write it in Spanish? My father can’t read English.”

(Taken aback): “How do you communicate with your dad then? How do you talk to each other?”

“We say, ‘How are you?’ and simple stuff like that.”

“OK, Type it in English and we will translate it to Spanish when you are all done.”

Several kids nodded and resumed typing. I continued walking around, helping, realizing the chasm within their families.

One student asks, “Mrs. Wipff, are you going to call Anthony “honey” too?”

Academy Awards Night

paul newman — Paul Newman (Everett Collection)

Tonight, our school, the Mesa Academy for Advanced Studies, will recognize award winners.

Students grades 4 – 8 will receive a plaque or a certificate or a trophy for Perfect Attendance, Honor Roll (GPA) and outstanding work in extracurricular activities.

It’s a night to publicly celebrate hard work and dedication.

Students who earn these awards do so because they push themselves consistently. They work hard every day and they reach their self-made goals because they want to do their best all the time. Some may do it for their parents or for the recognition. Others do it because seeing anything but an “A” on their report card means “all is well” or “I’m OK.”

Recognizing your hard work and appreciating excellent work is important.

However, ribbons, plaques and trophies are extrinsic motivators. Intrinsic rewards are the most powerful and enduring of all motivators. Do it because you love it. Some of our most famous and beloved actors* worked for decades before winning the other Academy Award:

Humphrey Bogart

Paul Newman

John Wayne

Judi Dench

Martin Scorsese

Morgan Freeman

Henry Fonda

Jessica Tandy

Before, during and after receiving their awards, they worked dutifully to perfect their craft.

Delicious

Delicious – highly pleasing to the senses, esp. to taste or smell. (www.Dictionary.com)

Painting this in my kitchen was a delicious experience.

I love tiramisu. I love painting, drawing and writing. But I don’t do it as often as I like because I’m so “busy.” I know this is a cop out. I have plenty of time to write, draw, paint, play with my daughters, and eat tiramisu. So why don’t I do it more often?

Because I’m supposed to be working. Because there is a house to clean, people to feed, bills to pay and tiramisu has too many calories.

But….all of that is delicious! Playing Uno with my daughters is highly pleasing, writing this blog gives me joy, and eating tiramisu, well…it’s divine! Why do we (especially mothers) deprive ourselves of joy? Why do we allow other people and things to come before our own desires? We’re afraid of being called “selfish.” But I believe that if we are happy people, we will be all the better as mothers, wives, friends, teachers, nurses, lawyers, daughters, writers and whoever else we are.

So paint, do your yoga, change your job, say “no,” and eat dessert.

This is your life.

The Mother Land

Recently, I discovered that Korean refugees from North Korea are actually discriminated against in South Korea!

I couldn’t believe it. Where is the humanity? The abuse and absolute horrific treatment of North Korean civilians by their government is well-known so why would South Koreans greet them with anything but open arms? It’s clear that education and empathy are absent.

Enter an amazing South Korean TV program called, “Now On My Way to Meet You.” It’s an example of using media as a powerful medium for positive social change. The program first aired December of 2011 and, despite the tagline which alludes to “North Korean Beauties,” it does anything but objectify these escapees. You can read more about it and watch a clip here: Cari’s Blog. Basically, these women play games, laugh and recount their stories of life in North Korea for an enormous South Korean audience. The result? An empathetic reaction where South Koreans are understanding and seeing these women as people. The culture is slowly evolving into a supportive, loving one towards their sisters and brothers.

I have numerous cousins, aunts and uncles who live in South Korea and I have visited the country three times. In 1999, I was there for two months on an NSF research grant and I fell in love with the land and people. As news of the ferry disaster unfolded, there was a collective sigh of exasperation, shock, and anger all around me. How could this happen? The students were told to stay put? Why?!

If my father had not decided to immigrate to the United States, I could have been born and raised in South Korea. In fact, if that had happened, I would likely have been married with children a bit earlier (and who knows?) I could have had a high school student on the ill-fated Sewol ferry and be mourning his/her death right now. These connections and possibilities only make me ponder our roles in life. I’m a teacher and I’m proud of it because I can actually impact 32 young people per year. But… can I do more? The producer of “On My Way to Meet You” has created such a critical solution to an enormous problem. What if we all stopped asking why and started asking how? HOW can I help this situation? I think it’s a powerful question.

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

bul·ly*

1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates

smaller or weaker people.

2. Archaic. a man hired to do violence.

*www.dictionary.com

I have a problem with this definition. I don’t think you have to pick on someone “smaller” or “weaker” than you in order to be a bully. Bullies pick on nice people. Nice people are not weak. I would edit the definition to read:

1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates others due to self-hatred.

The CAUSE of the person’s behavior helps us to understand the reasons behind

the action(s). We (society) are more apt to think of ways to prevent bullying or solve the problem if we understand the cause and include it in the definition.

I ask my 32 students (often): “Imagine you wake up to a sunny day and you’re in a great mood. You’re looking forward to your day because you’re going to the carnival or a beach vacation or something great. You’re happy. Do you feel like picking on someone? Do you feel like cutting them down and making them feel badly?” The answer is always no. Then I ask, “What if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? You’re in a bad mood, you feel slightly sick about a test you failed….nothing seems to be going right. How likely is it that you will take it out on your brother? A kid at school you don’t like?” They always get silent and agree that if they’re not happy, they don’t want to make others happy.

***

THIS is the crux of bullying. Of course, bullying is more than a bad mood, it’s an on-going, consistent state of social terrorism.

***

My daughter recently received an email written by four girls she believed were her friends. In cowardly fashion (and against school rules), they composed an email during school on a school computer using a school email address. After alienating her at lunch, they went to the computer lab and crafted their message, essentially telling her she “didn’t belong” in their group because she is “different.” They wrote it at 11:30am. She read it at 3:30pm while at home, alone in her room. We’ve all heard the stories of children who read emails or see posted photos or videos and then commit suicide. This form of bullying is insidious, silent and deadly. We must talk to our children (ALL of us!) and stand united in our absolute rejection of this type of behavior. My ten year old daughter cried for two days. “Why? Why? Why?” echoed in her head. I allowed her to cry, but I made it clear that THEY were in the wrong, not her. I was surprised that she truly felt she had done something wrong. She told me she felt ashamed. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Listen, there is absolutely NO reason you should be ashamed. These four girls, THEY should be ashamed. You did nothing wrong.” She got some sleep and in the morning, she sent me this Internet picture:

I was relieved, but wondered, “Is she really OK?” I had been asking her all week if there was something wrong, she hadn’t talked about her friends in a couple weeks. She said everything was fine. This is not like her, to hide such things from me. With the Internet, smart phones and tablets, it’s all too easy to carry on several conversations at once, even destructive ones. We must remain diligent in our efforts to fight bullying, but it has to start with the bullies. Parents need to be crystal clear in what is acceptable and what is not. One student has apologized, but her did not communicate anything to us or our daughter. She simply allowed her daughter to say, “I’m sorry.” As I told Ava, “Actions speak louder than words.” We shall see how things go.

I read an article and got inspired.

Ira Glass says the key to success is plain old hard work. Keep working, don’t think too much about it. FINISH! And I’ve always wanted to be able to draw or paint and I know I’m not good at it – YET. So I sat down despite all the “work” I have to do (lesson plans, consulting work, a short story I want to finish) and I made art. It barely looks like opal. When I showed it to Josie, she said, “Um, I like the colors.” Ava hugged me because the criticism stung so badly.

But I shall persevere.

Kismet

Daily Practice

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