Author: chungwipff

Evolution

My Spam box this morning contained golden nuggets of information: exotic Russian women are waiting for me – as is an $800,000 donation from a very generous woman named Donna.

One thing that is always in my Spam box, the news, magazines and billboards is some variation of the theme, “Lose Weight Quickly”.

I’ve learned that this is a very bad idea and, as with most things, I learned this lesson the long and hard way.

When I was 7 years old, I ran around the neighborhood with my friends Renee and Cathy.  We played tag, rode our bicycles and re-enacted “Charlie’s Angels.” I ate what I wanted and I ran around a ton.

At 12, my parents started telling me I better not eat too many Cheetos. I’d get fat. Why did we have Cheetos and Ding Dongs in the house? I started to look for the fat. I started to worry.

At 14, although I was below average weight for American girls my age, trying on jeans would reduce me to tears. I didn’t look like Brooke Shields in her Calvins. My sister and I started dieting and exercising. We were miserable, but felt like we were “taking control”.

The next five years were a roller coaster of diets. At this time, it was all about low fat and cardio. We were mildly successful.

When I landed my first job, I made a salary that was considered poverty-level. Paying back college loans and working in San Francisco, I could only afford pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I developed a wheat allergy, so I ate less. The radio salesladies commented on my tiny waist. I was physically a wreck, but damn, I looked good.

I got a bit wiser and healthier. When I was pregnant with my girls, I suddenly cared a lot more about being healthy and a lot less about looking thin. When they were toddlers, I got naturally strong, carrying an infant and the car seat made me strong. Carrying an infant, a car seat and chasing a toddler  made me even stronger.

Now, my goal is to be as strong as I can be for as long as I live. Lifting heavy weights, rollerskating at the rink, practicing yoga and taking frequent walking breaks has made me stronger than ever. A surprising side effect to all this strength training? I think I look better than ever, too.

 

 

Post-Mortem (Or, Reflecting On the Year)

A Piece of the Berlin Wall in DC
I’ve held several jobs: website producer, executive secretary, digital media salesperson, radio sales coordinator, and teacher.
I’ve been teaching for over ten years and I’m still learning!

My daughters, ages 13 and 14, attend the school where I teach.

They are teenagers, so I take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. However, when they talk about their teachers, I really listen. Here is what I have learned:

  1. Be strict, but also be fun and approachable.
  2. If a girl is a few minutes late to class, assume she just got her period unexpectedly and give her respect by not belittling her in front of the class.
  3. Teach well – in class. Limit homework. Middle school kids have at least 9 teachers who also assign homework.
  4. Give points and kudos for effort.
  5. Routines are excellent, but change things up a bit once in awhile.
  6. Extracurriculars and school-wide events are worth attending! Don’t make your students miss them.
  7. Control your class!

I think the rules can apply to any job: know your “stuff,” be flexible, respect everyone. Be professional, fun and approachable.

Habits

Trying to lose weight?

Want to step up your work performance?

 

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At Art Show – Mesa Arts Center, Mesa, AZ

The importance of developing excellent habits in order to reach lofty goals is well-known. However, James Clear and Charles Duhigg  (The Power of Habit) have studied the efficacy of habit-making and, after reading their work,  I found 2 findings especially enlightening and helpful:

  1. Habits generally take 66 days to form permanently and;
  2. Considering making a “habit” a personal rule (“I never eat candy” or “I always workout at 6am”) for example.

Clear admits that although the (commonly held) belief that it takes 21 days for a habit to hold sounds better than 66, it’s actually inspiring to know that it takes longer. If you “fall off the wagon” within the 21 days, you know that you haven’t failed. You just get back up and continue the work.The habit hasn’t formed permanently yet. Don’t give up!

Personally, I feel a difference between saying “I want a,b,c, to be a new habit” vs. “My rule is a,b,c.” It feels permanent and there is no wiggle room.

 

 

 

Demands

Roseanne-Roseanne-Barr

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ”

― Roseanne Barr

I love this quote.

At the time of this writing, women make 79₵ to a man’s dollar. Isn’t it time to remedy this?

Robin-Wright-Close-Up

Recently, Robin Wright has been in the news for negotiating a salary equal to her male co-star, Kevin Spacey. HOW she did could prove to be an invaluable lesson for women everywhere.

  1. Conduct research. She found that her character was just as appealing if not more, than Kevin Spacey’s.
  2. Arm yourself with the data.
  3. Make your case and make your demand(s). Be prepared to walk away.

Some women argue that Robin is already wealthy. That she makes millions and can walk away. True. But still gutsy, no? She could have settled like so many other actresses. She didn’t settle.

“I wasn’t building my salary bracket. If you don’t build salary bracket with notoriety and presence, you’re not in the game any more. You become a B-list actor.” – Robin Wright

“The Guardian”

I believe that women’s worst enemy is not a successful man, but a fellow insecure woman.

“This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.”
― Roseanne Barr

If women are going to gain gender equality, we need to support each other.

I’m buoyed by the following article. It convinces me that the younger generation of women are smart, brave and DO DEMAND what they want:

Aerie Lingerie is an upscale lingerie company. They listened to women and modified their ad campaign: they stopped Photoshopping their models and began a “body positive” lobby. It worked. Their sales increased by 20%.

Money talks.

 

“…We really felt like girls today are just more independent and stronger than ever. We just knew that it would really resonate with this generation.”

– Aerie’s president, Jennifer Foyle

 

Listen

 

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I have ever received was from my editor at a San Francisco paper.

I was freelancing as a writer and I was about to interview the oldest living person  in the United States at the time, a 107 year old woman in a nursing home. Bruce, the owner of the paper, said, “When you sit down for an interview, ask the question and wait. Wait longer than you want to because she might tell you something in that space you’d ask the next question.” And he was right.

Time and time again, this advice has been rewarding – in personal and professional – relationships.

Observe successful journalists, mentors and other “wise” people in your life. They listen.

Get comfortable with silence.  It could be full of meaning.

 

 

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To Mothers Everywhere

My daughter turned 13 today. And I felt like a failure.

I didn’t get balloons for her. We didn’t go out for dinner and I didn’t have extravagant gifts perfectly wrapped waiting for her. I didn’t even make her favorite-yet-simple macaroni and cheese for her special day.

Instead, after working, I co-directed a school-wide Talent Show and got home at 5:45pm. Hurriedly, I roasted cauliflower while my husband grilled burgers. We were hangry – all of us. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. She unwrapped some gifts and said thank you. (Well, she also complained that her teachers were assigning too many tests and homework which were endangering her 4.0 GPA). She and her sister studied for their math final while I contemplated doing a load of laundry. I decided to write, instead.

When I was kid, my mother stayed home and my father went to work. My mom did the grocery shopping, the cleaning of the house, the laundry and the cooking. My father taught college students computer science and math and conducted research. I – and about 70% of all other mothers – do the jobs of both our parents. We work in the home AND outside of the home.

This sounds like I’m complaining. I’m not. I just think we need to take stock of  what we’re doing. I think we need be real with ourselves and stop the “I’m such a failure” talk. From where I’m sitting, men’s jobs and the expectations society has of them has not really changed. They are still expected to make an income, but out of necessity, most wives need to work too. And it’s the women who are expected to host play dates, do back-to-school shopping and coordinate all the social functions. You think I’m wrong? When we have guests who stay at our house, they ask me where things (crackers, towels, soap, etc.) are, they never ask my husband.

There are exceptions, I know that. But this is the rule.

I want to give a shout out to working mothers. I want to give an even louder shout out to single working mothers. And everyone who knows one ought to pass her some chocolate. Wine is good, too.

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Suicide in First World Countries (Part II)

In yesterday’s post about First World Suicides, I mentioned that South Korea is #1 for suicide rates among the developed countries and they have held this position for the past eight years.

In a country where the pressures of ambition, achievement and success are omnipresent, students feel frustrated, anxious and ultimately, dejected. Up to 40 people commit suicide each day.

What is South Korea doing about this problem?

This:

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Daily Mail

 

Students are enrolling in “death experience” schools where they go undergo their own funerals. The hope and expectation is that students completing the program will learn to appreciate life again. Indeed, some of the graduates emerge with a sense of “cleansing” and “enlightenment.”

Young students are not the only clients. Others enrolling in these schools includes middle-aged people anxious about finances and the elderly who are afraid of being burdens on their families.

The program is designed to provide an opportunity for reflection. Suicidal clients are directed to reflect on the “collateral damage” their deaths might cause and they are reminded that a critical part of life is to have problems and to handle them.

One factor fueling the stress of success is South Korea’s rapid progress as a super power. In just a few decades, “South Korea has rocketed from one of the poorest countries in the world to the 12th biggest global economic power” (Daily Mail).¹

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. Answer below!

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Citations

¹http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3284587/Learn-dead-day-Suicidal-people-locked-coffins-bizarre-death-experience-schools-South-Korea-40-people-kill-day.html

 

 

 

 

Suicide in First World Countries (Part I)

Which country has the highest suicide rate?

Guyana. Experts believe it’s due to the extreme poverty rate, high levels of alcohol abuse and ease of access to pesticides. ¹ Additionally, Guyana has a shortage of social services, including suicide counselors.

The second? South Korea. Up to 40 people kill themselves each  day in South Korea, a strong, economic country. This, experts believe, is due to their extreme competitiveness and their hyper focus on “success.” In fact, suicide is the number one killer of people ages 10 to 30 in that country.

Silicon Valley in California is experiencing an alarming uptick in teen suicides. This, apparently, for the same reasons South Korea experiences suicides: overwhelming stress and competition to succeed in school and then work. “Twelve percent of Palo Alto high-school students surveyed in the 2013–14 school year reported having seriously contemplated suicide in the past 12 months.” (The Atlantic) ²

School administrators, community stakeholders and mental health professionals are rushing to prevent suicides and “suicide clusters” (phenomenon where three or more suicides occur in close  proximity for time and location (CDC)). A large part of working to prevent suicides lies in identifying the cause. Why are successful, talented teens committing suicide?

Suniya S. Luthar, Foundation Professor at Arizona State University, conducted a study of high socioeoconomic (SES) teens and low socioeconomic teens. Her findings surprised her: the high SES teens abused drugs and alcohol at a substantially higher rate. These teens also experienced very high levels of serious anxiety and depression. Why? The teens felt emotionally distant from their parents. They felt they had to achieve just as much, if not more, than their parents in academics and salary. (The Atlantic)

Social media seems to play a role in the speed with which suicides and suicide clusters appear. Students will know of a suicide on the CalTrain track within an hour of it happening and online bullying runs rampant and undetected by parents. Martyrdom of suicides is something school administrators work to avoid: students may not place memorials on school grounds.

Different cultures and countries are handling it differently. Tomorrow, a look at how South Korea is working to reduce suicides among their youth.

Citations

¹ http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/countries-with-the-most-suicides-in-the-world.html

² http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/12/the-silicon-valley-suicides/413140/

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To Prize or Not To Prize…

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Every time I look at her wall, I wonder if I ought to take these down.

Ava is proud of her awards. But sometimes I feel she thinks it’s a reflection of her self-worth, and it’s not. She constantly looks to fill the next nameless void.

It’s good to improve and accomplish skills and interests, but do we need to have the awards and trophies for all to see? Do we need them in order to confirm our value?

Our friend Howard earned a Harvard MBA. But he would never tell you that. Instead, he will tell you about his volunteer activities, his wedding officiant work and his editorials for The San Francisco Bay Times. Howard is cheerful, selfless and fulfilled.  I worry that Ava will develop ulcers by the time she’s 15. Her sense of accomplishment is always fleeting and then she’s right back to anxiety and stress as she strives to achieve another.

I want to do right by my daughters. My hope is always that they will be happy regardless of what the “world” says and that they will seek self-satisfaction before praise from others.

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