Author: chungwipff

Father’s Day

 

Summer School. Day Five.  12 students. Ten more days left. Our days together are so few and there is so much to do.

Kids are like mirrors. I am always learning from them and they show me things about myself. They help me be better. Today, I was teaching them how to use Word: how to open it, type in it, save , change fonts, etc. We were making Father’s Day cards and the fact that one student’s father just went to jail was not lost on me. “If you prefer to write a card to your mother or grandparent, that’s fine.” She chose to make it for her father anyway.

“What if I need to write it in Spanish? My father can’t read English.”

(Taken aback): “How do you communicate with your dad then? How do you talk to each other?”

“We say, ‘How are you?’ and simple stuff like that.”

“OK, Type it in English and we will translate it to Spanish when you are all done.”

Several kids nodded and resumed typing. I continued walking around, helping, realizing the chasm within their families.

One student asks, “Mrs. Wipff, are you going to call Anthony “honey” too?”

 

 

 

 

 

The Man with the Farmer’s Tan

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I commissioned Josephine to draw this for me. I was going to write a blog post making fun of my husband’s extreme farmer’s tan. The art morphed into a strange man with a Chinese tattoo.

I realized she caught the essence of my husband, though. Willey has an uncanny ability to relax. I’m envious of him. I have been “stuck” creatively of late and my pushing has only made me more stuck. Time to relax and embrace the suck!

 

 

What Do You Want?

Summer school students

yawning, with heads on their desks

                                                                 Why are you here?

To get smart!

College – what is that?

Listen – you can be whatever you want to be

You can do it!

But you must work hard

Now, write down what you want to be

Dream Big!

Mrs. Wipff, how do you spell….

(a list of jobs shouted out)

I write them down

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There. You can be successful,

but you need strong math skills

you need to work hard

it’s all up to you

For the rest of the day, I call on

the doctor, the engineer, and the mechanic

(oh, the teacher and the artist, too)

they smile with their new monikers

they work hard on this hot summer day

 

Uncommon Courage & Commitment

Strong. Empowered. Free.

 

They pushed the boundaries within their respective genres.

Bowie created music (and himself) in ways that the world had never seen before. The same could be said of Prince. Muhammad Ali is arguably the greatest athlete ever.

But something else separated them from others. Bowie was said to be down-to-earth to the very end. Prince loved his hometown Minneapolis and stayed loyal, building his empire there. And Ali was sentenced to five years in jail (which became a three year abstinence from his work) for refusing to be drafted for the Vietnam War. He famously declared, “I ain’t got no quarrel with those Vietcong.”  Bowie, Prince and Ali lived in accordance to their values, while disregarding any possible financial or career damage.

Perhaps, instead of simply working, we can work simply: with our values as our guides.

It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. It could be as simple as refusing to wear makeup to work.

“I swear it is the strongest, most empowered, most free, and most honestly beautiful that I have ever felt,” she said of the experience. (Alicia Keys, Huffington Post)

 

 

 

Tiebacks

cactus with tiebacks
Our Ocotillo

We’re growing various plants in our backyard, including an herb garden and, of course, cactus. My favorite desert plant is the ocotillo. I see them growing magnificently in Usery Park (where they grow wildly and without irrigation) but in my own backyard, it’s taking its time. We don’t want the branches to grow out into the pathway, so we placed tiebacks on the branches to “encourage” and “redirect” growth in our desired formation.

Tiebacks work when the plant is still supple and maturing, and the tiebacks are gentle in their support. It wouldn’t work to have harsh restraints which could harm or kill parts of the plant.

Humans have tiebacks, too. They’re called habits. As with plant tiebacks, they’re most effective when we’re receptive and “supple” and when the habits are firm, but not too harsh.

 

 

 

 

Strength

 

When I am strong physically,

it helps me gain strength

in all the other areas of my life.

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Therefore, exercise is a top priority and my keystone habit.

A keystone habit, according to Charles Duhigg, is a habit that starts a chain of other habits that improves one’s life.  For example, exercising regularly influences my diet – I make better choices. I also sleep better. My family also tells me I’m more pleasant to be around. (I mean, really, how could I be more congenial than usual?)

Knowing that exercising is my keystone habit motivates me even more to maintain my regimen. It makes everything better!

 

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

 

Bossy

She took her daughter out of the store and turned to her. She bent down so they were face to face. “I want you to stop touching everything in the store and when you make something fall down, you need to pick. it. up.”

I smiled. Ah! Order had been restored in the universe!

This was such a refreshing scene to what is becoming more commonplace in restaurants and malls: parents busy on their phones while their children run and scream,  hit each other or drum on tables with forks and knives.

ava note

My daughters have cell phones. I do regret purchasing iPhones for them. But we had purchased them a “dumb” phone (only good for making calls) and they never had it on them. Or, they wouldn’t turn it on. So much for emergencies! In any case, they love their new phones and we can always reach them. Problem: They’re on Instagram or Snapchat all the time. It’s summer break and they will (literally) be happy to lie on their bed and play on their phones for hours. They become sullen, lethargic and anti-social.

So I took their phones away. They have to hand them to me at 9:30pm and they don’t get them again until 5pm. In the meantime, they must make their beds, practice violin for at least 70 minutes each and do other chores. I’ve actually been called “strict,
“mean” and “bossy” for doing this. Really? 4 or 5 hours of complete freedom on their phones is being strict? I’m trying to teach them ethics – “work before pleasure.” Someone said, “Well, all the teenagers do this now.” This sentence reminds me of a comeback…something about everyone jumping off a bridge?

Balancing “control” and “freedom” is always a delicate issue when raising children. Giving them room to grow, letting them make mistakes and standing back as they learn from their mistakes is imperative! However, we are parents. We must not be afraid to do the right thing, which is limit the “bad stuff”. You don’t allow your kids to eat all the sugar they want, do you? Technology is the same thing. As they mature and demonstrate that they can put the phone down and do other things, I will ease up. But not yet.

 

 

 

 

What To Do in Case of a Tragedy

Chris, our neighbor across the street, and my husband were playing whiffle ball at 5pm on Memorial Day. Less than twelve hours later, Chris would shoot his wife and a stranger with his rifle while on a cocaine binge.

Through a series of clues (helicopters flying over head, freeway closing, news reports and three patrol cars in their driveway), we realized what happened. Willey wanted to knock on their door and let the three boys know we were there for them. Their mother was gone and their father was in custody. Were there any family members around for them? We didn’t know. But it felt too soon to “bother them”. A police officer stayed most of the day at their house and we took solace in that.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when a news truck came to our cul-de-sac and knocked on all of our doors for interviews, just twelve hours after the crime. And I was mystified at the lack of visitors – no friends? No family?

Should we go and check on them? No, I thought. They would not want to see anyone right now. And what would we say? I was afraid to say the wrong thing. Maybe in a week…

But this morning, we spotted the two older boys in their open garage. One just graduated from high school, the other is a few years older. We walked over and wordlessly hugged them, all four of us crying. They moved in a few months ago and I had only spoken to their mother a handful of times. Each time, she flashed a huge smile and stopped to talk in a way so few people do these days: with full presence. She spoke with a kind voice and affectionate eyes.

Willey said, “We want you to know we are here for you. If you need ANYTHING, do not hesitate to let us know. Anything.” Tearfully, they expressed their gratitude.

“Up until now, everyone who has called us or come to our door wants to know what happened. They want to know for their own sake. So it means a lot that you say that.” I did not realize that insurance companies, leasing agents, creditors and news organizations land like vultures on a house of survivors. When they need comfort and love the most, it’s the last thing they get.

In the wake of the ever increasing gun violence in our country (there was a murder-homicide on the UCLA campus today), it will be more and more important for us all to retain our humanity. Don’t be numb to it. Go over there. Hold them tight and express compassion.