success

What Do You Want?

Summer school students

yawning, with heads on their desks

                                                                 Why are you here?

To get smart!

College – what is that?

Listen – you can be whatever you want to be

You can do it!

But you must work hard

Now, write down what you want to be

Dream Big!

Mrs. Wipff, how do you spell….

(a list of jobs shouted out)

I write them down

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There. You can be successful,

but you need strong math skills

you need to work hard

it’s all up to you

For the rest of the day, I call on

the doctor, the engineer, and the mechanic

(oh, the teacher and the artist, too)

they smile with their new monikers

they work hard on this hot summer day

 

Uncommon Courage & Commitment

Strong. Empowered. Free.

 

They pushed the boundaries within their respective genres.

Bowie created music (and himself) in ways that the world had never seen before. The same could be said of Prince. Muhammad Ali is arguably the greatest athlete ever.

But something else separated them from others. Bowie was said to be down-to-earth to the very end. Prince loved his hometown Minneapolis and stayed loyal, building his empire there. And Ali was sentenced to five years in jail (which became a three year abstinence from his work) for refusing to be drafted for the Vietnam War. He famously declared, “I ain’t got no quarrel with those Vietcong.”  Bowie, Prince and Ali lived in accordance to their values, while disregarding any possible financial or career damage.

Perhaps, instead of simply working, we can work simply: with our values as our guides.

It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. It could be as simple as refusing to wear makeup to work.

“I swear it is the strongest, most empowered, most free, and most honestly beautiful that I have ever felt,” she said of the experience. (Alicia Keys, Huffington Post)

 

 

 

Tiebacks

cactus with tiebacks
Our Ocotillo

We’re growing various plants in our backyard, including an herb garden and, of course, cactus. My favorite desert plant is the ocotillo. I see them growing magnificently in Usery Park (where they grow wildly and without irrigation) but in my own backyard, it’s taking its time. We don’t want the branches to grow out into the pathway, so we placed tiebacks on the branches to “encourage” and “redirect” growth in our desired formation.

Tiebacks work when the plant is still supple and maturing, and the tiebacks are gentle in their support. It wouldn’t work to have harsh restraints which could harm or kill parts of the plant.

Humans have tiebacks, too. They’re called habits. As with plant tiebacks, they’re most effective when we’re receptive and “supple” and when the habits are firm, but not too harsh.

 

 

 

 

Bossy

She took her daughter out of the store and turned to her. She bent down so they were face to face. “I want you to stop touching everything in the store and when you make something fall down, you need to pick. it. up.”

I smiled. Ah! Order had been restored in the universe!

This was such a refreshing scene to what is becoming more commonplace in restaurants and malls: parents busy on their phones while their children run and scream,  hit each other or drum on tables with forks and knives.

ava note

My daughters have cell phones. I do regret purchasing iPhones for them. But we had purchased them a “dumb” phone (only good for making calls) and they never had it on them. Or, they wouldn’t turn it on. So much for emergencies! In any case, they love their new phones and we can always reach them. Problem: They’re on Instagram or Snapchat all the time. It’s summer break and they will (literally) be happy to lie on their bed and play on their phones for hours. They become sullen, lethargic and anti-social.

So I took their phones away. They have to hand them to me at 9:30pm and they don’t get them again until 5pm. In the meantime, they must make their beds, practice violin for at least 70 minutes each and do other chores. I’ve actually been called “strict,
“mean” and “bossy” for doing this. Really? 4 or 5 hours of complete freedom on their phones is being strict? I’m trying to teach them ethics – “work before pleasure.” Someone said, “Well, all the teenagers do this now.” This sentence reminds me of a comeback…something about everyone jumping off a bridge?

Balancing “control” and “freedom” is always a delicate issue when raising children. Giving them room to grow, letting them make mistakes and standing back as they learn from their mistakes is imperative! However, we are parents. We must not be afraid to do the right thing, which is limit the “bad stuff”. You don’t allow your kids to eat all the sugar they want, do you? Technology is the same thing. As they mature and demonstrate that they can put the phone down and do other things, I will ease up. But not yet.

 

 

 

 

Post-Mortem (Or, Reflecting On the Year)

A Piece of the Berlin Wall in DC
I’ve held several jobs: website producer, executive secretary, digital media salesperson, radio sales coordinator, and teacher.
I’ve been teaching for over ten years and I’m still learning!

My daughters, ages 13 and 14, attend the school where I teach.

They are teenagers, so I take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. However, when they talk about their teachers, I really listen. Here is what I have learned:

  1. Be strict, but also be fun and approachable.
  2. If a girl is a few minutes late to class, assume she just got her period unexpectedly and give her respect by not belittling her in front of the class.
  3. Teach well – in class. Limit homework. Middle school kids have at least 9 teachers who also assign homework.
  4. Give points and kudos for effort.
  5. Routines are excellent, but change things up a bit once in awhile.
  6. Extracurriculars and school-wide events are worth attending! Don’t make your students miss them.
  7. Control your class!

I think the rules can apply to any job: know your “stuff,” be flexible, respect everyone. Be professional, fun and approachable.

Habits

Trying to lose weight?

Want to step up your work performance?

 

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At Art Show – Mesa Arts Center, Mesa, AZ

The importance of developing excellent habits in order to reach lofty goals is well-known. However, James Clear and Charles Duhigg  (The Power of Habit) have studied the efficacy of habit-making and, after reading their work,  I found 2 findings especially enlightening and helpful:

  1. Habits generally take 66 days to form permanently and;
  2. Considering making a “habit” a personal rule (“I never eat candy” or “I always workout at 6am”) for example.

Clear admits that although the (commonly held) belief that it takes 21 days for a habit to hold sounds better than 66, it’s actually inspiring to know that it takes longer. If you “fall off the wagon” within the 21 days, you know that you haven’t failed. You just get back up and continue the work.The habit hasn’t formed permanently yet. Don’t give up!

Personally, I feel a difference between saying “I want a,b,c, to be a new habit” vs. “My rule is a,b,c.” It feels permanent and there is no wiggle room.

 

 

 

Demands

Roseanne-Roseanne-Barr

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ”

― Roseanne Barr

I love this quote.

At the time of this writing, women make 79₵ to a man’s dollar. Isn’t it time to remedy this?

Robin-Wright-Close-Up

Recently, Robin Wright has been in the news for negotiating a salary equal to her male co-star, Kevin Spacey. HOW she did could prove to be an invaluable lesson for women everywhere.

  1. Conduct research. She found that her character was just as appealing if not more, than Kevin Spacey’s.
  2. Arm yourself with the data.
  3. Make your case and make your demand(s). Be prepared to walk away.

Some women argue that Robin is already wealthy. That she makes millions and can walk away. True. But still gutsy, no? She could have settled like so many other actresses. She didn’t settle.

“I wasn’t building my salary bracket. If you don’t build salary bracket with notoriety and presence, you’re not in the game any more. You become a B-list actor.” – Robin Wright

“The Guardian”

I believe that women’s worst enemy is not a successful man, but a fellow insecure woman.

“This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.”
― Roseanne Barr

If women are going to gain gender equality, we need to support each other.

I’m buoyed by the following article. It convinces me that the younger generation of women are smart, brave and DO DEMAND what they want:

Aerie Lingerie is an upscale lingerie company. They listened to women and modified their ad campaign: they stopped Photoshopping their models and began a “body positive” lobby. It worked. Their sales increased by 20%.

Money talks.

 

“…We really felt like girls today are just more independent and stronger than ever. We just knew that it would really resonate with this generation.”

– Aerie’s president, Jennifer Foyle

 

Meliora: Always Better

“Make it a great day!”

be free.jpg

I kiss my daughters and say this as they start their day. Make – not have – a good day. They complain about “the stress” at school and in life. They are (soon-to-be 13) and 14. Stress. It’s a choice. Honestly. They are still learning this. My parents grew up in a country that was a battlefield. Korean War civilians know actual lack of food, closed schools and physically/emotionally battered families.

And me? I walked to school many miles – uphill – both to and from! Ok. I didn’t.

It’s the closing of the year and there is a lot going on. People feel “stress.” Don’t buy into it. Ask yourself an empowering question:

How can you be better today than you were yesterday?

Less petty?

Less passive?

Less complaining?

Do it.

Being better every day is how you reach your goals. It’s how you make a  happy life.

Go back

Your message has been sent

Outliers

If you haven’t read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, you need to put it on your reading list as soon as possible.

41h5QL0vVEL

In nine chapters, he illustrates and analyzes the factors for quirky successes as well as a few quirky disasters. One of the strong influences for some very interesting anomolies is the culture factor. For example, in the chapter “The Ethnic Theory of Plane Crashes,” he states: “Planes are safer when the least experienced pilot is flying because it means the second pilot isn’t going to be afraid to speak up.” One particularly frightening example Gladwell uses is that of Korean Airlines between 1988 and 1998. Their plane crash rate was 17 times higher than the U.S. In Korean culture, a subordinate (in this case, the first officer) plays a very passive role. This is not ideal in cases of inclement weather, mechanical failure or pilot fatigue. Only after a major revamping of their work culture, did KAL improve their safety status.

Continuing this analysis, I believe there is also a socioeconomic culture that keeps some people “down.” High SES kids are taught early to “speak up” and even question authority if they see fit. Low SES students generally do not question “experts” and do not feel they can ask questions in the classroom or the doctor’s office. Assertiveness is a skill that needs to be modeled and taught because a lack of it leads to apathy in health and wealth.

 

citation

Gladwell, Malcolm. Outliers: The Story of Success.
1st ed. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2008.
Print

Immigrant – Outsider – Newcomer – Foreigner – Alien

 

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You came from a war-torn country

to get a job here
and to start a family
you attended university and held
three jobs
fatigue, stress, discrimination
As the years went by, despite
– the eggs and toilet paper on our house
– the “chinky chinky China” sing-song following me home
– and the ostracization of neighbors and peers
we are so grateful to be American