Author: chungwipff

Walking Meditation

Opal baby

I read about the “Happiest Man in The World” Matthieu Riccard, a Buddhist monk.

I was intrigued both by his title and the advice he gives to “be happy.” His happiness measurement was taken by a “highly complex MRI scan” conducted by cognitive scientists. Basically, he’s off the charts with his happiness.

How does he attain such bliss?

According to Riccard, happiness is something you must cultivate by practice. You have to look in the right places and you have to be aware of your intention – your intention is to be happy. Happiness is not something that just happens to you.

Secondly, you must work to rid yourself of mental toxins. This is a very challenging task during this election year. Included in the definition of negativity are: greed, envy and pride. Again, this is an enormous obstacle for our “selfie” generation!

Learn to master your inner mental state. Be aware of anger and allow it to dissipate. You are not your anger. And contrary to popular belief, anger is not “natural.”

Meditate. Studies show the efficacy of this practice. Start with focusing on your breath as it goes in and out. When you do this, thoughts cannot enter your mind. This is meditation.

Riccard also recommends that you think only positive thoughts for 15 minutes straight. I tried this during my morning walk with Opal. Although it was nearing 90 degrees F. at 5:30am, I arrived home refreshed, energized and…happy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Non-Doing

FullSizeRender (13)
by Josie Wipff, age 14   6/20/16

We run around and cross off tasks from our “To Do” lists because we believe we are not enough just as we are. We must achieve.

The misconception is that if we don’t do, we are lazy.

Non-doing is not being lazy. It’s simply the decision to be unoccupied.

Sometimes, non-doing is just what we need.

Breathe.

Notice what is right in front of you.

From stillness comes magic.

 

 

 

Sunday Funnies #2 – Father’s Day Edition

The Setting: San Francisco, Mt. Vernon Street

Me:  Stay-at-home mom to two young babies, both in diapers. I keep a vigilant eye on the girls, change them as soon as they soil their diapers. Feed them healthy food and push them on swings in the park.

You: Your usual goofy self – the “Mayor” of our street; very sociable. Your impressions of famous people make everyone laugh.

 

By the time you get home from work, I’m in serious need of “me” time. You swoop Ava under your arm, carrying her like a football. Josie walks under your feet and so does Maggie our Labrador. With your one free hand, you carry a cabernet and say, “Bye honey, relax. Enjoy some solitude. I love you.” You and the family are out the door, to visit the “Different Boys” – a group of young, single party guys up the block.

The silence in the house is deafening. I don’t know what to do with my free time. I’m glad to have it, but also miss you, the girls and the dog. After a bubble bath, I get worried. You are not as “obsessed” as me when it comes to safety. So I get dressed and walk up to the boys’ house. No one answers. The front door is unlocked and I walk in. There are papers and clothes piled up everywhere in the house. I walk some more. On the pool table are Josie and Ava, wearing only diapers now. Where are their shirts? Ava has the 8 ball in her hand. She holds it up to her mouth and slobbers all over it. Josie has a ball and chucks it off the table and onto the floor. The ball bounces off the hard wood floor.

You are in the next room, lying on someone’s bed, drinking and talking to Matt-the-Artist. Maggie lies next to you.

“Uh, Willey, I think I’ll take the girls home.”

“Why? Honey, just stay. Relax. Grab a beer.”

“Oh, thank you. But the girls need their baths, their books read to them…we need to get ready for dinner and then bed.”

You look at me adoringly.

“Ok. I’m going to finish my wine here. I’ll bring Maggie.”

I take the girls home. You come home shortly, and we eat dinner right after you tickle the girls silly.

 

Ava_Daddy2

josie_bug20130616_152117

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tear It Down In Order to Build It Up

 

FullSizeRender.jpg
“Swollen Heart” by Josie Wipff, age 14 (6/18/16)

In order to build your dream house, you might have to destroy the dilapidated building that stands on the property first. You have to clear the area. And then you build. You have to spend money, hire people to help, do some problem-solving, tear some hair out…but in the end, it’s built.  And your dream comes true.

When you want to increase muscle in your body, you have to lift heavy weights. This hurts. I guess that’s why so many people don’t do it. But when you tear those muscles, your body works to build them up again – stronger. And you can lift things you couldn’t lift before. And you feel good and you look good and your lover/spouse can’t keep his/her hands off of you. Hm, might be worth the pain?

There are people who are working hard at a relationship that brings more tears than laughter. “Well, I’ll forgive so-and-so again, he/she didn’t mean to hurt me, etc.” They spend their precious time trying to make the other person into someone he/she isn’t. They invest their energies only to be disappointed time and time again. They hope he/she won’t yell/hit/stay out late/do drugs/get drunk anymore. But their partner isn’t changing. Some major tearing down and clearing is necessary in order for something special and amazing to be built.

What do you need to destroy and clear out before beginning again?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even if You Don’t Want To…

One of my summer school students – I’ll call her Liliana – was woefully deficient in her math skills. Going into 5th grade this year, she should be prepared to work math problems with fractions. However, she was still struggling with simple addition and multiplication. After working intensely for over a week, she grasped basic multiplication quickly.

After successfully solving four multiplication problems, I told her, “OK, you’re ready for division.”

Her eyes grew large. She stepped back from me. “No, not yet.”

“Liliana, you’re ready.”

“Just one more.”

“No, you’re ready. What’s the matter?”

She just stood there, silent.

“It’s ok if you make mistakes at first. That’s how you learn. Look how far you’ve come!”

She looked at me doubtfully. I gave her a problem to sort out, after working one through for her.

She returned with her work. She had made one small mistake. Her brows were furrowed. She was looking at her mistake.

Yet she had successfully worked out several steps correctly before that.

“Look at how far you came, Liliana! Look at how many steps you got right. Focus on that. And now, study your mistake. This is learning.”

She’s still working on division. It will take time. But you and I know that  if she’s determined and works consistently, she will master it.

How many times do we shy away from the next step? How many times do we say, “Not yet”? And how many times do we focus on our mistake and not our successes?

Take that next step, even if you don’t want to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wake Up Calls

It starts as a whisper: a pain in the body, the nagging voice inside your head, a small “accident.”

And then it gets louder: the pain can’t be ignored, your boss talks to you, the accident incurs debt.

Looking back, you see the warning signs. But hindsight is always 20/20.

You can heed the call and attend to the real problem, or you can deal with the inevitable catastrophe.

 

Meet Fear with Courage, Love and Art

Josie with her air violin
Josie with Her Air Violin

 

A few years ago, Josie and Ava were watching a Disney program. At 8 and 9, they were excited about a young, rising star named Christina Grimmie. Her love and talent of music fueled their desire to be musicians.

When Ms. Grimmie was shot to death, my daughters were devastated and in shock. Why? Why her? She was such a good person. 

There is no answer to this question. We keep asking this question and there is no satisfactory answer.

On the heels of this tragedy, another one occurred: 50 people killed in Orlando. Innocent young lives were taken by an armed and mentally deranged person.My girls were very quiet. “I’m so….sad,” Ava said before she fell asleep.

Two weeks ago, our neighbor across the street murdered his wife with a gun. To my children, it seems like guns are everywhere. We live in Arizona…America…so they are. Guns are everywhere.

I don’t want my children to grow up fearful and angry.

I don’t want my children to be victims of terror or violence.

I don’t want my children to be disgusted with their world.

Ava had decided months ago that every Monday during summer vacation, she would play her violin for the Alzheimer residents at a nearby facility. As I drove her and Josie to the center today, I told them that every person can only control how they act in this world. “You two are influencing your world for the better. You are spreading love and music to lonely people and you help them be happy. I’m very proud of you.”

They nodded silently.

Sometimes, the only answer to senseless violence is the persevering action of kindness. Love will always prevail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Funnies #1

When I was a kid, I used to love reading the Sunday comics. They were in color and I studied each one. This was back in the day when we had news in paper form…right after fire was invented.

FullSizeRender (9)
Josie’s creation

 

I’ve decided to make my own “Sunday Funnies”. Here is Sunday Funny #1:

 

Setting: Yesterday morning at the breakfast table

Characters: Josie (14) and Ava (13) and me

Ava: Mom, what is your favorite color?

Josie (answers for me): Green.

(I nod in agreement.)

Ava: What’s your favorite song?

Josie: “Sweet Caroline.”

Me: Duh.

Ava: What is your favorite ethnic cuisine?

Me: That’s hard. I love so many foods…Italian…

Josie: Mmmmm!

Me: Greek…Vietnamese, Korean, Thai….I guess I could say that I love them all. They are all delicious!

Ava: What is your favorite kind of dog? You know, which breed?

Me: (Thinking)…Labrador, pit bull…

Josie: All of them! They are ALL delicious!

Both girls giggle and high five.

Ava: We are so Asian.

 

 

 

 

 

Image

Less is Truly More

I was driving on the freeway and a man next to me cut me off so closely, I thought he was going to hit me.

My adrenaline raced and I had thoughts that no teacher-of-young-children should ever have.  I was angry. What a *$#@&! I cursed him and his family. I wished him ill will in every way. He was a jerk, a self-centered @#&$ and…and then I stopped. I was judging him and the situation. As soon as I stopped judging and taking the incident personally, I felt calm. It was a choice: I could be angry or I could be happy. I chose to be happy.

I’ve been trying to secure a grant. It was turned down a few months ago. A great despair and sadness overcame me. I really wanted it. Badly. And then I realized I was too attached. I was suffering and I needed to let it go. Of course, I can re-apply. I can keep re-applying. But if I do, I need to do my best on the application and LET IT GO. No attachment. I’m fine whether I get it or not.This process is really challenging, but definitely possible.

Finally, I find myself in this situation often: I want to get to my writing/workout/GNO, but I have to (fill in the blank = drive my girls to violin lessons or teach summer school).  Because I have my mind on what I want to do and because I can’t do it right then, I am resisting reality. And it’s painful. I feel stressed and resentful when I am not doing what I want to do right when I want to do it. This is resisting reality and the only thing that can come of it is unhappiness and suffering. I’m still working on this!

Thus, JAR: Judging, Attaching and Resisting. Eckhart Tolle says that in order to gain complete freedom (and peace of mind) you need to master these mentalities: non-judgment, non-attachment and non-resistance. Do not judge others OR yourself. Do not attach to your desires. And do not resist the present moment.  This is really hard to do in our competitive, judgmental world. But, it can be done. Start by paying attention throughout your day. Are you judging? Are you (needlessly) attached to something or someone? Are you resisting the moment? There is great freedom in letting go.