Did you know it’s been scientifically proven that celebrating small celebrations and experiencing fun times frequently vs. celebrating big achievements and taking big vacations less frequently will lead to more happiness?
How can you celebrate and insert small moments of joy frequently in your life?
I went rollerskating today. It’s one of my “flow” activities: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defined flow activity as being in the groove or “in the zone.” It’s when you’re so utterly absorbed in what you’re doing, that time passes without regard.
I’m skating and happy when an older gentleman gestures for me to come to him. I relent. I’ve seen this guy before, he’s a good skater. He looks like a slender Santa Claus – easily in his 70s. I’m curious.
“When you move forward, move your skates outward, not backward. Do you know why?”
I answer, “I’ll go faster?”
By now, I’m miffed that he’s telling me how to skate better when I’ve been skating for nearly 40 years. But I listen. I’m curious.
I consciously skate outward. It works!
“When you turn, bend your left leg. Lean into the turn. Don’t lift your right leg.”
This takes me a lot more focus. I realize I have a hard habit. But he’s right. My upper body is much more stable. It feels better.
My resentment is just a whisper now. But it’s there. He hangs back. I smile in appreciation.
He doesn’t try to talk to me for the duration of my skate. I focus on my newfound skills and realize…after 40 years of skating, I learned something new!
If I had gotten defensive and refused to listen, I would not have learned.
We need to be receptive in order to accept constructive criticism. And this receptivity is in our control.
Baby:
I had my share of failed relationships before I met him. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had married any of the others I dated before he came along. It is not so much that those gentlemen were not “good enough,” but because I wasn’t evolved enough until I met William.
We met at a party. This is going to sound cheesy, but I promised myself – just hours before the party – that I would never put anyone before myself again.
Yes, this is intensely personal. But if my post can help just one person, then it’s worth it.
Our relationships with others can’t be good until we get straight with ourselves.
You should not seek a partner so that she or he can love you. You have to do that for yourself.
Naturally, clarity of your life’s ambition will help you get there. But lucidity of your vision will also foster creativity and cultivate resilience. For example, I want to help people (children and adults) feel empowered and be the best they can be through my writing and teaching. I applied for a job that would have helped me reach even more (students) than the 90 I help now. I received a letter of rejection and felt pretty awful. Until…
I realized there are many other ways to achieve my ultimate goal. I’m excited and energized all over again. “Failing” is just another way to readjust your road.
As Robert Frost infamously wrote:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference.*
*from Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Less Traveled”
Great achievements take time, energy, commitment and a positive attitude.
Chau Smith, at 70, decided to run 7 marathons on 7 continents in 7 days.
On the same page is Harriette Thompson who, at 92, is the oldest person to complete a marathon.
Colonel Sanders, Founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, began peddling his recipe at 65.
At 73, he sold it for $2 million.
It’s never too late.
In three months, my husband and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. We dated for 2 1/2 years before we tied the knot and I believe that is a factor for success: Don’t jump into a lifelong commitment!
But another key to making it work is translating what your spouse says. You see, we don’t always say what we actually mean. There are more positive underlying meanings that we’re missing out on! I’ll give you an example:
My husband does not like going to the doctor. He does not get checkups, despite the fact that I – his wife – am a cancer survivor and that he has some serious cancer issues on his side of the family. Naturally, I look out for him.
Me: Honey, would you mind if I make a colonoscopy appointment for you, now that you’re 50? (Translation: I care about you and want you to be around for awhile).
Him: I guess there’s no stopping you. (Translation: Oh thank you so much! I really appreciate that you love me so much to do that).
There’s power in “no.” Saying no to boring parties, mindless gossip and other wasteful diversions will save you valuable time and energy. Just make sure that while you say “no,” you are saying “yes” to something constructive or restorative.
It was a pitted day
where little was fit or fulfilled,
peace and calm rose as sunset
but not too rightly willed
a desire to escape (!)
from noise, doubt and sorrow
I began the screen event
with little thought to morrow
but conscience tugged at my brain
here sat the binder full of work
you promised me – the voice said –
this endeavor you would not shirk
One of my favorite books of all time is James Altucher’s Choose Yourself.
Hate your job? Create your own!
Want a house? Build your own.
Hate your boyfriend? Break up with him and make your own.
Ok, maybe not that last one so much.
I’ve got to go to work
vs.
I get to go to work.
Read the first one. How do you feel physically?
Now read the second one (without sarcasm, please)! How does that feel?
which one feels more empowering?
Kismet 