Stay curious. Ask yourself, “What would happen if I dipped the whole side of the brush, for example…”
Flora Bowley, artist
While experimenting with my own brushes and hearing her words, I thought of how critical it is to stay curious in life. It’s so easy (and debilitating) to allow things and people to get “old” on you.
We complain that we’re bored, but maybe WE have become boring.
Ask yourself, “What if…” (and act on that question!) at least once a day.
Click to hear her play
Malcolm Gladwell estimates it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to be world class at a skill.
But a new study destroys that rule.
In any case, we’ve estimated that with regular practice, rehearsals, competitions and school orchestra, the girls have at least 5,000 of deliberate practice under their belt.
In nearly nine years of playing, the girls have not once said they want to quit. I attribute that to the fact that they only play violin – they do not do any other extracurriculars. The upsides of “being good” at something are: self-confidence, self-discipline and optimism!
Click to hear her play
John Force is an NHRA drag driver. He has over 144 victories and is a major player in his field.
As a child, he overcame childhood polio. As a young adult, he raced for twenty years and failed so miserably that he became the butt of jokes.
But he never gave up.
Most of us attempt something a few times and throw in the towel after a few failures.
What are you passionate about? Can you endure hundreds of fails? Public mockery? If you enjoy the process, (the learning and growth) instead of focusing on the end game, it takes care of itself.
Henri Matisse was a masterful artist who is credited with being an essential contributor to modern art. When Matisse decided to leave his law studies for art, his father was bitterly disappointed.
Good thing he did it anyway!
We cry from hunger pains
yearning to fill the void
but after we’ve eaten – with “bellies” full –
we’re left dissatisfied – a bit annoyed
Listless and sleepy,
we roll on to our side,
hoping to rest and feel content,
but conscious of the divide
No longer desirous, for
we ate the bread you gave,
but we’re bloated and numb
It was far better to crave
Female Emperor Penguins will walk 50 miles to the ocean in harsh whether while their male mates stand over their eggs, keeping them warm and safe. The mothers return against all odds and regurgitate food for the newly hatched chicks. The fathers – who have not eaten for two months – then go to the ocean to eat.
March of the Penguins is an amazing film. If you haven’t seen it, it’s truly inspiring. These animals embody true passion. If you’re having trouble finding motivation, watch the movie.
Photo by Paz Arando
More information from Tony Robbins’ podcast with Esther Perel on Infidelity:
Infidelity is #1 reason for divorce in France, but not just because of cheating, but because the cheated believes their partner “fell in love with someone else.”
Perel asks her cheating clients if they suffered a loss recently, such as the death of a loved one. Sometimes people try to fill that loss. It has nothing to do with their partner.
People often do what they are allowed to do.
That’s worth repeating: People often do what they are ALLOWED to do!
If you find messages between your spouse and his/her lover, do not read all the messages. You will not be able to get them out of your head.
Some questions to ask when you find out your partner cheated:
How did this happen? Were you being safe? Why did this happen? Is there another child? Do I know this person? Is this person likely to come after us?
Don’t ever make decisions based on the affair. Do not think your entire life is destroyed. You will need a good therapist who can help you contain the situation in the first month or two.
What should people DO in this situation?
Change your story, change your life.
Is there any good in staying and working it out?
You need to ask yourself if you’ve given what the other needs.
We are willing to work really hard in business, in our work, but we expect our marriage to be easy.
Show up. Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. No one who does the right thing ever regrets it.
Stop being a pleaser.
Ask for what you want.
What if the worst day of your life became the best day of your life? (This is a Tony-ism)
What can we learn from this? What did we neglect? What were we complacent about?
You can’t change your partner. You can only change yourself.
Ask questions that will reveal information about your partner. Don’t ask sordid questions.
If you made mistakes in this relationship and you choose to move on, you will repeat your mistakes.
Your partner never belongs to you. We all have the option to renew.
If you want to purchase Esther Perel’s book,
The State of Affairs, you can go here .