Dogs embody the very concept of presence. They live for the moment, not worrying about the future or reliving the past.
They do not judge.
They do not form attachments to anything (OK, maybe their toys and treats). But they’re not attached to goals or ideas.
They do not resist reality. They roll with it.
Let’s try to emulate our best friend. Let’s try to stop judging, attaching and resisting reality. Let’s be fully present.
by Sam Ferrara
“Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.”
– Pema Chodron
I stepped up my workout yesterday and this morning (in pain) I asked, why did I do that to myself? The answer: I want to be strong and flexible and … I want to look good in my swimsuit. 😉 Completing an “easy” workout would not have the same effect. Sure, I’d burn a few calories, but without the extra burn and stress on my muscles, I would see little benefit.
It’s this way with our mental muscles, too. Pema Chodron, a world reknown Buddhist nun and author of several books, (including The Places That Scare You), informs readers that it takes effort to experience peace and happiness. One must be attentive and aware of one’s thoughts. “Our training encourages us to open the bags and look closely at what we are carrying…much of it isn’t needed anymore.”
We’re so used to blaming others for our emotions. The first step to everlasting happiness is to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Self-deception is a workable habit of the mind, we only need to decide to change and do the “heavy” lifting.
While pregnant with her, the most astounding thing happened! I would put food in my mouth and chew. She’d kick like mad before I even swallowed. This occurred every time. I was incredulous – what a baby!
When she was two, she had chocolate cake. She kicked her feet high in delight. The frosting was all over her face and her eyes shone with joy.
At four, she had pizza. How she held it in her tiny, pudgy hands!
She’s had many meals since then. With girlish abandon, she eats what she wants when she wants: warm bread with butter, garlic mashed potatoes, steak, ice cream sundaes and healthy food, too.
She. Loves. Food. She likes high quality food. She can discern whether ingredients are fresh and she doesn’t like gristle on her steak.
She also loves dance class. She loves to learn challenging moves and practice them over and over and get good at it. She’s made such progress! Her body is lithe, supple and strong.
She’s my baby. She’s 15, but she’s my baby and I want her to be happy and healthy. I want her to love eating, dancing, laughing and playing violin all the rest of her days. I want her to enjoy life!
But our culture wants to destroy her. American society wants her mind to be cloudy with insecurity and a bit of self-hatred. Air-brushed models are in magazines, surgically modified celebrities are on TV, the Internet and film.
Even family members make comments. Grandparents plant seeds of doubt when they caution against weight gain. They compare sisters to each other, silently massacring dreams and self-confidence. They undermine the strong sisterly bond that exists. Well, they try anyway. These girls have each other’s backs, thank goodness.
If she were my son, would you tell him to watch what he eats? Would you scare him and tell him he might get fat if he “puts that” in his mouth? Would you comment on his figure as he stands in front of the fridge?
Please…I implore you…stop it. Stop with the comments and the body shaming. Stop trying to exert control through fear.
Let her enjoy all that life has to offer.
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I strive to be as constant as the sun
but sometimes I am the tide
at the whim of sun and moon
at the mercy of yoga and whiskey
straddling love and fear
My husband pours orange juice and tea into a glass full of ice.
“I can’t believe you’re doing that. That looks so gross!” I say.
“It’s called an Arnold Palmer,” he takes a chug.
“Arnold Palmer is ice tea with lemonade,” says his father Ken.
“Oh yeah,” my husband takes another sip.
“You’re drinking an Annie Palmer,” Ken laughs.
I was shopping in a clothing store yesterday. I overheard one lady tell another, “Tag these before you put those away.” She said it in a very bossy and unkind way.
The other lady responded in a cheery tone, “Sounds good! I will definitely do that.”
Another command in a cold tone followed: “When you’re done with those, these need to be put away.”
“Got it! I will do it right away. No problem!”
For a second, I wondered if they were joking around. But there was no joviality or levity with the first lady. She was dead serious. The commands continued with the same enthusiastic, positive voice responding. They didn’t share a laugh. It was a genuine conversation with the junior retailer maintaining a positive demeanor.
The cheery saleslady demonstrated true persistence and integrity. Most people react to negativity with more negativity. In remaining unchanged, the lively retailer took responsibility for her own actions and her own feelings. She was unshakably positive. This is what is meant by “non-reaction” (Tolle). This is one of the keys to inner peace.
On Memorial Day, we ought not just remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice, but we should truly honor them. War is rarely necessary. We need to be mindful of those who profit from war and act ethically.
When my daughters (14 and 15) are grown and living on their own, I hope they miss me and call me often. I hope they visit.
We’re in middle of high school angst: social issues, the need to be more independent, and stress of grades. On some days, I feel like I am nagging incessantly. It can be drive a wedge between us.
The 14 year old went out with friends so I pounced on the opportunity.
“Josie, want to go out for lunch with me?”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you want.”
She chose a Japanese restaurant and had the chicken teriyaki bento box. I had the California roll. She told me funny stories about her friends and how she feels anxious, even when on vacation. I was careful to just listen and sympathize.
We had a wonderful time.
Kismet 