I’ve got to go to work
vs.
I get to go to work.
Read the first one. How do you feel physically?
Now read the second one (without sarcasm, please)! How does that feel?
which one feels more empowering?
Author: chungwipff
The Compost in My Garden
compost [kom-pohst]
1.a mixture of various decaying organic substances, as dead leaves or manure, used for fertilizing soil.*
Every green thumb gardener knows that her garden needs rich soil in order to grow bright, brilliant plants. Compost enriches soil but it is stinky and takes time to degrade and cultivate. The compost of my life’s garden (thus far) consists of (but is not limited to):
- Kids taunting me with “chink” when I walked home from school
- Every grade I ever received other than an “A”
- my first heartbreak
- the deaths of my grandparents, sister-in-law and friends
- breast cancer and the six surgeries that followed
- every awful job and boss I ever had
- every workout that pushed me to the brink of insanity
- the police officer at my high school football game who hatefully asked me if I speak English
- scooter/car accident right before my wedding (I had to wear a leg brace under my wedding dress)
- my mentor’s suicide
Let us not dwell on our past, but let us celebrate our survival. It is pain and loss that molds us into the strong people we are.
Resources:
*Dictionary.com
unsplash.com
Bank Your Account
I’m a teacher with a limited income. (How’s that for redundant?)
I contribute to my retirement funds, pay my bills, pay for my daughters’ violins, symphony fees and lessons. After that, I don’t have much left. And I don’t feel like I can treat myself to a manicure or purse. I just put the little morsels in savings, paycheck after paycheck.
But I’ve been finding myself feeling a bit empty. Do you know how Stephen Covey says you need to be mindful of emotional bank accounts in your relationships? I believe this pertains to the relationship you have with yourself, as well.
I decided to invest in myself and I have not felt this good in a very long time. I’m taking a class. It’s not cheap. But I believe it will help me achieve a lot more than if I didn’t take it. I feel empowered. Invigorated. Optimistic.
It might take just a small visit to a cupcake shop. It might mean you check yourself into a local hotel for a night or two to have peace and quiet to work on your screenplay. Or maybe it’s time for you to pursue that degree you’ve always dreamed of. Only you know for sure what will make a deposit into your own emotional bank account. But do it. Do what it takes. It will not only raise your spirits, but it’ll raise the spirits of those you love and who love you.
Two days ago, a car was t-boned right in front of me. My daughter was with me, sitting in the front passenger seat. The car flipped and landed upside down just 8 feet from my car. When it was in the air, I thought it might land on us. It didn’t. I realized at that moment – life is really short and unpredictable. When you’re on your deathbed, will you have regrets? That would be the saddest thing of all. It’s up to you. What are you waiting for?
Terms and Conditions
When you buy a new cell phone with service or sign up with WordPress, you have to sign a contract called “Terms and Conditions” regarding use. Basically, you agree to a set of rules and guidelines in order to use the app/website/service. What they don’t say is that they want to make clear the limits of your use. If you go over certain minutes, a fee is charged. If you call across state lines, another fee. If you don’t pay on time…you get the picture.
As you live your life, you have your own set of Terms and Conditions. There are things you won’t do (most of us won’t risk prison in order to steal groceries). And there are things you will do (work a steady 9 to 5 for a paycheck instead of pursuing your dream of entrepreneurship). You have set limits in how you live your life. Some are important, but others may require re-thinking.
Your life, as it is now, is what you’ve chosen.
It’s an amalgam of your life circumstances and your choices, certainly. But your decisions have been the forks of your life which led you here.
You might argue. You may deny.
But it’s true. And the first step in making things better is to take responsibility for your actions. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Secondly, be grateful. You are fortunate. If you’re reading this, you have access to the Internet. When you live in a state of gratitude, you’re more likely to attract positivity.
Thirdly, be aware that YOU set the Terms and Conditions of your life.
Don’t like your job? Leave. But, I have to pay the bills….I didn’t get a college degree.
Excuses.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse is abusive? Leave. But I’m afraid…I don’t want to be alone.
Get over it. (And really, you’d rather be with someone who calls you names than be alone?)
What are the Terms and Conditions of your life? Are any of them limiting you?
Losing “Everything”
Ellen DeGeneres decided to come out of the closet in 1997. She was at the top of her game at the time, starring in her popular “The Ellen Show.”
Why did she take the risk? Because she felt it was important -and healthier – than living in fear or denial of who she really was. The “secret” made her feel as if she was wrong and she knew she was right.
So she came out as the real Ellen and then had her character come out on the show.
What happened?
She lost her show. No one would call her. She got no gigs.
Three years.
For three years, she was stripped of all the external factors of identity: no career or the benefits that come with it. Not only that, some of her previous fans berated her and judged her. Christian groups picketed her studio and mentioned God while acting very un-Christian. Studios wouldn’t touch her.
You realize who you really are when you don’t have anything. – Ellen
And then “Finding Dory” came along. Ellen also got her own new talk show. She’s immensely popular all over again. Only now, she has no secrets.
Does she regret coming out?
NOT AT ALL.
“It’s the best -because I’m free.
I’m completely able to be exactly who I am.”*
*http://www.upi.com/Entertainment_News/TV/2011/10/04/DeGeneres-doesnt-regret-coming-out-as-gay/74651317701340/
You
You are not your body.
You are not your thoughts.
You are the presence of these things.
Go ahead with your ambition, but be easy with it. Be calm and unattached. If the world seems too noisy, too loud and obnoxious, then get quiet. Be still.
Allow fear to dissipate before you take action.
You Be You
It’s cliche – “Just be yourself.”
Most of us don’t really know what that means, or we believe that “being ourselves” isn’t good enough for xyz.
But if you focus on just being the best you that you can be, you’ll find that you naturally are more innovative, creative, original. Because you’re not expending any energy to fit a mold or be like someone else.
So, think outside the box. But look within.
Let ’em Go
One day, a mother took her four year old and five year old daughters to their Montessori preschool. She apologized to the teacher for being late, and explained that it took some time to get her kids dressed.
“Why don’t you let them dress themselves?” The teacher asked.
“They’d look like disasters! Nothing would match.”
“So?”
The mother thought about it. She decided to let them dress themselves. Thegirls wore odd things: sweaters with light pants, short-sleeved shirts with boots…but eventually, each daughter forged her own style. The girls laughed loudly, and they walked proudly. It was clear that each girl was her own person.
It was challenging for the mom. She wanted to help them so many times. “Relax.They’re doing great!” The father said.
As the girls grew, their mother made mistakes. She got some things right, but she learned that “letting go” was her biggest challenge. She noticed that they learned lessons most effectively through mistakes: forgetting an instrument at home and having points deducted at school taught them to plan the night before. When they didn’t eat well, they felt sick and chose to eat better next time.
Everyone – the father, the mother and the kids – are still learning. And it’s all good.
The Universe
When it comes down to it, aren’t we each just a flash in the pan*?
*flash in the pan
-
a thing or person whose sudden but brief success is not repeated or repeatable.
Not Better, Just Different
My husband, daughters and I frequent a gelato place called Dolce Vita. It’s owned and operated by an Italian immigrant and his wife. They sell authentic Italian groceries, and prepare food from scratch, including the BEST gelato you could ever eat. Walter is the quintessential snob. He’s not afraid to be snooty with you and if you complain too much, you’ll be kicked out of his shop for life.
He mocks some of his troublesome American customers:
“Hm, what does this pear gelato taste like?”
In his thick Italian accent, he answers snidely, “Vaneeela!”
Another stupid question: “Which one is better, the Nutella gelato or the pineapple gelato?”
“It’s no better, just diffeh-rant!”
This reminded me of so many times I hear parents compare their children. I was compared a lot, to my siblings. It never made any of us feel good.
How can you compare human beings? It’s like comparing Nutella to pineapple gelato!
We do this alot, don’t we? We compare ourselves to others. How’s this working for you? You’re comparing an apple to oranges! Suggestion: stop comparing. If you’re going to be in competition so that you can improve, compete against yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today. Simple.
Stop the madness and be joyful.
Kismet 