Life
Buddhism
Beginner’s Mind
Beginner’s Mind is a term in Buddhist thought referring to how fresh “things” are to someone who is just beginning. I am a beginner when it comes to art (just completed my first online class)! Our society tends to laugh or look down at beginners. But when and how else are you to get good? You have to start at the beginning.
I love learning about basic lines and curves and putting them together to create art. Wow. I surrendered to it. I don’t judge. I just draw. Using Skillshare’s free classes (to start with), I took “Become a Pencil Ninja.” After completing it, my eye caught one of the feedback comments, “This is a perfect class for children.” I had to laugh…for children, indeed. I am a child when it comes to drawing.
Next up: a self portrait. This looks like it will be much more challenging!
Skillshare is pretty cool. You can teach classes as well ask take them. Check them out! Skillshare.com.
declaration
May the laughter and love in your life eclipse tears of sorrow.
May your present be so full, that there’s no thought of tomorrow.
May your life’s work – day to day – be notably divine.
May your heart beat loud and full, a veritable goldmine.
I wish great fortune to smile down upon you –
that is – for you to accept all that is absolute.
Non-Reaction
Engaging in an argument is futile.
Reacting to offensive remarks and actions is also unproductive.
When faced with distasteful feelings and thoughts (yours or someone else’s), imagine your insides to be transparent. Allow these episodes to go right through you.
Nothing is that serious.
This is why Buddha smiles.
On Marriage
“Your partner is your mirror…to think your partner is anything but a mirror of you is painful. When you see him flawed in any way, you can be sure that that’s where your own flaw is. The flaw has to be in your thinking, because you’re the one projecting it.”
Byron Katie
Katie tells a story in A Thousand Names for Joy about the time she came home, excited to eat her snack which she carefully placed “on the top shelf, to the right” in her fridge. But it was gone! Her reaction: she chuckled. “If I had believed stressful thoughts such as he’s so inconsiderate! He knew it was mine…he ruined it all, then I would have been annoyed, resentful and even angry with him.” Instead, Katie laughed at her plan gone awry. She chose to not believe those destructive thoughts. “…It turns out, I bought it for him.”
My marriage is a very good one. My husband and I share plenty of laughs, but I can get into ruts where I am bothered by something he is doing (or not doing). We have four cars right now with only two drivers in the house (him and me). He can’t let go of his Alfa Romeo, which is beyond repair. I tried to think of what I could say to get him to get rid of it. I started to feel a bit resentful as I imagined an argument and then I stopped.
Just let it go. Do not fall for these thoughts! He’ll release it when he’s ready.
The thought continues to intrude…we have a car outside in the 114⁰F heat, because we have a three car garage and FOUR cars!
So what?
I decide to chuckle.
My husband is sentimental. He appreciates that car. He loves that car.
And I love him. I love this life.
Katie’s assertion that marriage is really your relationship with yourself is spot on.
True Suffering
Until I started studying spiritual philosophy, I had a narrow definition of suffering which encompassed mostly physical pain: headaches, cancer, childbirth, broken bones, etc.
But I have realized that suffering is really what we do to ourselves with our (negative) thinking. Anxiety is suffering. Depression is suffering. Guilt and regret are suffering. Worrying is suffering!
In the path to non-suffering, one essential practice (according to the Tao, Buddhists and other spiritual practitioners, such as Eckhart Tolle) is to refrain from resisting reality. For example, if you are planning an outdoor party and it rains as your guests arrive, you do not resist reality (the rain). Instead, you simply move the party indoors and continue your celebration. If you complain and cry out against the rain, will it stop? No. But you pollute the environment for those around you (family and friends) with your resistance.
I propose a concerted effort to watch one’s language in this pursuit: eliminate the words “I wish.”
“I wish it wasn’t so hot in Phoenix!” [forecast: 110°F today]
“I wish my children were better at (fill in the blank)”
“I wish my spouse/co-workers would…”
Wishing for something that is counter to reality is inviting misery, disappointment and anguish.
Wagging Sage #1
The world is moving faster than ever. Impatience and tempers ablaze. Stress fortifies insomnia. Chaotic thoughts emanate from the computer, the phone, and your mind.
You must deliberately seek the quiet, the stillness, and nature.
Be silent. There is no place to be, but here.
Laziness #3: Pema Chodron
Chodron’s third kind of harmful laziness is the “Couldn’t Care Less” form. This is a harder, tougher version of “Loss of Heart.” For in this type of apathy, we are hardened and angry at the world. We are “aggressive and defiant.” If someone tries to cheer us up, we lash out at them. We use “laziness as a way of getting revenge.” But really, we hurt ourselves the most.
Until we decide to investigate and objectively look at our intentions, we will continue this destructive pattern. We will continue to have our “problems”: health, relationships and career.
It’s simple, but not necessarily easy. Sometimes, we don’t want to “get real.” We are comfortable in our habitual patterns of laziness. But the benefits of doing the work will greatly outweigh any temporary comfort.
Laziness #2: Pema Chodron
Yesterday’s post was a review of Pema Chodron’s take on laziness (part one) from her book The Places That Scare You. Chodron asserts that there are three “debilitating habitual patterns” that we often partake in.
The second type she identifies is “loss of heart.” One symptom of this form is when we tell ourselves something like, “I’m the worst. There’s no hope for me. I’ll never get it right.” (Chodron, 90).
When we become lazy with loss of heart, we avoid interacting with the world. We retreat and we watch lots of TV (or surf the net). We eat, drink, smoke and watch the screen mindlessly. We have forgotten how to help ourselves.
The remedy for Lazy Type 2 is the same for Lazy Type 1. Get curious. Ask the right questions (hint: one wrong question would be, “why me?”). Notice that you don’t have to subscribe to negative thought or belief patterns. You can choose differently.
We often condone our behavior. We say we are “happy” and deserve to relax. But in reality, we are “haunted by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.”
Why concern ourselves with these notions of laziness? As Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor, 161 – 180 AD) reminds us in The Meditations, our lives are short. There is no time to waste.
Compassionate Living
“Don’t expect applause.”
– Pema Chodron
I was waiting for my car to be repaired at Discount Tire. Waiting at the counter, sitting on a tall stool, was a girl of about six. She was coloring in her coloring book. Her little brother started to walk up towards her. He must have been four or five. Anticipating his height, she pushed the stool next to her closer to the counter and he was able to climb onto it. She resumed coloring. He didn’t say thank you and she didn’t anticipate it.
“Don’t expect applause” means don’t await thanks for what you do. And do not do kind acts in hopes of having people like you. Be kind for integrity’s sake.
Kismet 