love

Losing “Everything”

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Ellen DeGeneres decided to come out of the closet in 1997. She was at the top of her game at the time, starring in her popular “The Ellen Show.”

Why did she take the risk? Because she felt it was important -and healthier – than living in fear or denial of who she really was. The “secret” made her feel as if she was wrong and she knew she was right.

So she came out as the real Ellen and then had her character come out on the show.

What happened?

She lost her show. No one would call her. She got no gigs.

Three years.

For three years, she was stripped of all the external factors of identity: no career or the benefits that come with it. Not only that, some of her previous fans berated her and judged her. Christian groups picketed her studio and mentioned God while acting very un-Christian. Studios wouldn’t touch her.

You realize who you really are when you don’t have anything. – Ellen

And then “Finding Dory” came along. Ellen also got her own new talk show. She’s immensely popular all over again. Only now, she has no secrets.

Does she regret coming out?

NOT AT ALL.

“It’s the best -because I’m free.

I’m completely able to be exactly who I am.”*

 

*http://www.upi.com/Entertainment_News/TV/2011/10/04/DeGeneres-doesnt-regret-coming-out-as-gay/74651317701340/

 

Not Better, Just Different

 

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My husband, daughters and I frequent a gelato place called Dolce Vita. It’s owned and operated by an Italian immigrant and his wife. They sell authentic Italian groceries, and prepare food from scratch, including the BEST gelato you could ever eat. Walter is the quintessential snob. He’s not afraid to be snooty with you and if you complain too much, you’ll be kicked out of his shop for life.

He mocks some of his troublesome American customers:

“Hm, what does this pear gelato taste like?”

In his thick Italian accent, he answers snidely, “Vaneeela!”

Another stupid question: “Which one is better, the Nutella gelato or the pineapple gelato?”

“It’s no better, just diffeh-rant!”

This reminded me of so many times I hear parents compare their children. I was compared a lot, to my siblings. It never made any of us feel good.

How can you compare human beings? It’s like comparing Nutella to pineapple gelato!

We do this alot, don’t we? We compare ourselves to others. How’s this working for you? You’re comparing an apple to oranges! Suggestion: stop comparing. If you’re going to be in competition so that you can improve, compete against yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today. Simple.

Stop the madness and be joyful.

 

 

Right Action

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There is a lot of action being taken nowadays: marches, boycotts, and lawsuits. People are unhappy and want to take action. Action can be good. It sounds better than just sitting on your tush, complaining. Complaining is definitely not productive.

In your own life, you might be pondering an action to take: to breakup with a lover, to make a career change, or to move out of the country. You ask yourself, is it the right thing to do?

In Buddhism, there is a saying, “Make right action.” By “right,” it is meant ideal or wise. It is not meant to be taken as the opposite of the Western concept of “wrong.” It means your decision comes from a place of calm, peace and compassion. And by action, it is all action, not just major decisions.

When you make dinner, serve it lovingly. When you drive, do it compassionately. When you work, do it mindfully. This will add up to a good life for you.

A hint: your action does not have its roots in anger or sadness.

So. Think about your choices. Which action is right action?

 

Something to Say

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I was watching an old (actually, timeless) interview with Quentin Tarantino. He was talking about his life before becoming a film maker. Did you know he worked in a video store? He was a clerk! His old life was very comfortable and he admitted he was pretty happy.

And then he realized he had “something to say.”

He was better than his friends, which was not hard to do, since they were drug addicts with no ambition. He got real. He realized that he  could continue to live his life watching free movies behind a counter and be superior to all those around him OR…work towards his  dreams of being a filmmaker.

And the rest is history.

Do you have something to say? What one step could you take – NOW – towards your dream?

Do it!

Discipline + Solitude

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It’s a busy world. Now, more than ever, we have “noise”: news, videos, people in cafes talking, television, the Internet, etc.

I’m  a teacher and my work is noisy. When I visit my husband at his corporate job, I’m always struck by the quiet in his office. It’s so quiet! Sometimes, I am envious.

I love my job with children, my life as mother to two daughters and I love getting together with friends.

But I always crave solitude. I want to be alone to read, write and just feel calmness.

Fortunately, I am married to a man who will help me out. He will take the girls to violin lessons without me if I need some seclusion.

Seclusion. Solitude. Loneliness. Some people like to be alone. I do. I think this is a good thing. It means you like yourself!

Demand some privacy. Detach yourself from social media and people.  It’s OK. In fact, I’d argue that you NEED it, you need to know yourself, your self. Make it a priority.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wishes

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When I was very young (maybe five years old),  my mother made rings out of dandelions. She’d pluck the weed and create a knot with the stem and, smiling, put the ring on my finger. I felt special and lucky. Within hours, the dandelion wilted, the yellow flowers tinged with brown. It was my first lesson of impermanence.

We were poor and a part of me knew it, but mostly, I was blissfully ignorant. I reveled in the smell of burning wood in the Iowa autumn. I loved the dandelion rings my mother made and I loved watching “The Muppets” on TV. All of this was (relatively) free. I thought everyone had a father who came home exhausted and discouraged. I thought everyone shared one bathroom in their family. I thought everyone fought over money.

I’m a lot older now and I have learned this: wishing for “stuff” always leads to disappointment. Nothing you can buy will deliver anywhere near the satisfaction of smelling burning wood on a Midwest autumn evening, or watching the “Muppets” on a chilly Halloween night or wearing a dandelion ring your mother makes just for you.

Nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Falling…

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I fall 1,000 times, I get up 1,001.

There’s a saying I like, although I might change two of the words:

“Winners do what losers won’t.”

I prefer: “Successful people do what the Unrealized won’t.” It’s more wordy … a bit clunky, but I don’t believe anyone is a “winner” or a “loser.” Some people have embraced courage and run with it.  Some people are still working on their courage.

Go on. Get up. Help make the world a better place. We need you.