The 15-year-old daughter says, “I want to start going to the gym.”
Incredulous, I ask, “Are you sure you want to go to the gym?”
“Well, I want the effects of going to the gym. Is there a pill out there that tastes like watermelon Jolly Rancher that will make me look like I work out?”
One order of large fries with a side of Asian representation, please. Over the weekend, 21-year-old college student Jevh Maravilla noticed a lack of representation in the posters at his local McDonald’s. He then decided to take the matter into his own hands. Maravilla and friends took to creating a fake (yet incredibly professional-looking) McDonald’s advertisement featuring themselves, and get this: the faux poster went unnoticed for 51 days.”
From Hello Giggles
My 15-year-old daughter was describing her picture day at school session to me.
“The photographer had us put our feet on this tape for what must have been a ten-foot person. Then he told me to point my shoulders to one lamp, but look at the other lamp. And he yelled, Keep your back straight and look over here! I think he took a picture of my profile. ”
Just got my paycheck stub.
Who the heck is FICA and why am I paying him so much?
*Taxman from The Beatles
“What’s wrong with dad? He looks like he lost his best friend.” Josie says.
I look at my husband sitting at the end of the pool. He does look forlorn.
“Are you OK? You look sad.”
“Yeah. I’m just considering the preseason injuries the 49ers sustained. It doesn’t look good.”
“Oh well, I’m sure sitting here worrying will help,” I chuckle.
“And we have the pool cover on wrong.”
“I’ll help you turn it over.”
“And I’m still fat*. I look in the mirror and I just don’t want to be this fat.”
“Why don’t you exercise? Make it fun?”
“No, it’s too hot for fun.”
“OK, Eeyore. Have it your way.”
We both laugh.
*see post about his weight loss. He’s lost over 15 lbs in the past two months!
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Unlike Opal, it appears that Olive was not abused in her former home. It’s a mystery. She’s not afraid of sticks or the hose…she can sit and shake on command. Aside from near-starvation and ticks, she is a pretty happy dog.
And curious.
Maybe her last home did not have a lot of technology. Olive is still surprised when she hears the ice maker and irrigation system. Yesterday, my daughter wanted me to bring Olive to her work so that her co-workers could meet her. First, though, she wanted me to pick up a Crunch Wrap from Taco Bell.
I went to the drive-through window and rolled my window down. I spoke to the black box. It spoke back to me. Olive jumped in my lap and looked for the man. She whined when she couldn’t find him.
“Sit, Olive!” She sits back in the passenger seat, still whining.
Next window, there he is (!) to take the money and give me the bag.
Ah, life makes sense again.
“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.”
Hannah Gadsby
Gadsby’s stand up is pure genius. Check it out on Netflix. Here’s the trailer.
Warning: Her one hour stand up is not for the timid.
When Chinese railroad workers came to California, they brought with them a magical elixir made from water snake fat. The fat from these snakes was high in Omega-3 fatty acids which we know today really does work for reducing inflammation, blood pressure and more. Non-Chinese went crazy for the stuff.
Non-Chinese started to make their own snake oil, but either watered it down, or used fat from other animals that were not nearly as high in Omega-3. Peddlers sold this inferior “snake oil” and then it got a bad reputation. (Very Well Health)
And here is one example of modern day “snake oil”:
Wait, you can INFUSE YOUR SKIN with youth? Why, then, is it on clearance?
Kismet 