Dear Ms.K., Thank You for Giving My Daughter Detention

Dear Ms. K.,

I want to thank you for giving my daughter detention today. Per our previous email, you informed me that she has been late to your class every day for several days. This baffled me, as I drop her off an hour early and you are her first class of the day. After several warnings, you emailed me to let me know that should she be late again, she would get detention. I assured you she would not repeat that mistake.

But of course, I cannot guarantee the actions of anyone besides myself.

After confronting her, she hurriedly assured me she learned her lesson. She explained that she gets hungry and her friend meets her to bring her food. Her friend is not always so quick.

Oh, are we blaming our friend?

No, no. It’s not her fault. Mom, it won’t happen again!

I try to give my daughter freedom within strict guidelines. A “C” in a class at any time means her cell phone gets confiscated until the grade goes up. How she operates within her hours and activities is up to her.

When I remind her to make time for breakfast in the mornings and to pack a snack, I am met with heavy sighs. She is too busy styling her hair and applying makeup to worry about breakfast.

So it happened again today. She didn’t eat breakfast. She got hungry and met her friend. She was late to your class. And, as you promised, she will now have to serve detention – one hour after school tomorrow.

In the car, she was shaken. She’s never had this kind of consequence from a teacher before.

“It’s my fault. I got hungry. I didn’t pack any snacks or eat breakfast. It’s my responsibility. I will pack food the night before.”

I wanted to lecture her and reinforce the lesson. I wanted to voice my dismay and disappointment. Instead, I said, “I am very proud of you for taking responsibility for this and not blaming anyone.”

Thank you, Ms. K., for doing the right thing. You are helping my daughter develop character and responsibility.

“Not Knowing” Is OK

I gave my 5th graders a writing assignment today. I already knew what they’d say after our poetry lesson and the directions. “I don’t know what to write about!”

Literally, I had to turn away ten students from my desk. They are so frightened to face a blank piece of paper and not know “the answer” immediately. They wanted me to tell them what to write.

I found myself saying, “It’s OK to sit in anguish.” I was joking, of course, what I meant was,

“It’s OK to sit without knowing.”

You don’t know what will happen tomorrow.. You don’t know what you’ll be when you grown up. You don’t know who you will marry (or if you will)!

So sit with not knowing. Be quiet and still. Let it come to you.

How to Control Your Motivation

When I was in 6th grade, I learned about the push and pull factors for migration. People who migrated because their country was in a war, for example, migrated for “push” reasons. They were pushed out: Food, jobs, and security were scarce.

Most people who came to America during the Gold Rush came for “pull” factors: the opportunity for wealth, better living conditions and greater security.

When it comes to your personal motivation, are you being driven from something or toward something? Being driven to eat better and exercise because you had a heart attack (push) is mighty powerful, but so is choosing a better lifestyle because you want more energy and you want to live longer.

If you want to be motivated to make a change, consider the possible push and pull factors. Make a list – make it specific – and exhaust the possibilities.

Something to Say

I was watching an old (actually, timeless) interview with Quentin Tarantino. He was talking about his life before becoming a film maker. Did you know he worked in a video store? He was a clerk! His old life was very comfortable and he admitted he was pretty happy.

And then he realized he had “something to say.”

He was better than his friends, which was not hard to do, since they were drug addicts with no ambition. He got real. He realized that he could continue to live his life watching free movies behind a counter and be superior to all those around him OR…work towards his dreams of being a filmmaker.

And the rest is history.

Do you have something to say? What one step could you take – NOW – towards your dream?

Do it!

The Paradox of People

Gun sales have dropped since we elected a President who supports gun rights.

When you’re always available to talk to your crush, he doesn’t really want to talk to you.

Telling people what to do often results in rebellion.

Trying hard to fit in will get you kicked out.

Not getting the results you want with people? Maybe you just need to relax.

Discipline + Solitude

It’s a busy world. Now, more than ever, we have “noise”: news, videos, people in cafes talking, television, the Internet, etc.

I’m a teacher and my work is noisy. When I visit my husband at his corporate job, I’m always struck by the quiet in his office. It’s so quiet! Sometimes, I am envious.

I love my job with children, my life as mother to two daughters and I love getting together with friends.

But I always crave solitude. I want to be alone to read, write and just feel calmness.

Fortunately, I am married to a man who will help me out. He will take the girls to violin lessons without me if I need some seclusion.

Seclusion. Solitude. Loneliness. Some people like to be alone. I do. I think this is a good thing. It means you like yourself!

Demand some privacy. Detach yourself from social media and people. It’s OK. In fact, I’d argue that you NEED it, you need to know yourself, your self. Make it a priority.

The Ledge

Anxiety and responsibilities set me down on the ledge of my life.

I save myself with exercise, yoga, and reading.

Endless Energy

We have the capacity to feel energetic all the time. You don’t need chemicals or a special diet. We are naturally full of energy. The reason we lack energy is because we create blocks which stem from our ego.*

For example, let’s say you wake up in a great mood. You go to work, full of energy. You want to make this an outstanding day! You plan on getting a lot done. A client calls you, berates you and demands some of his money back. Now you feel indignant against this person. You take what he says personally and call him names (after you hang up the phone). How dare he demand things outside of the contract? How dare he accuse you of trying to pull a fast one?

You run your fingers through your hair. You don’t feel like moving forward because you’ve lost the energy to get a lot done today. You just want to fume and you walk to your boss’ office to complain and have someone agree with you.

There goes a day of productivity.

If you want to maintain your energy, you need to clear the blockages. Don’t take things personally, don’t feed your ego’s desire to vent and draw attention to itself. Let the drama go. You can choose to go with the problems, ego and power drain, or choose to remain energetic.

*Michael Singer, The Surrender Experiment

Wishes

When I was very young (maybe five years old), my mother made rings out of dandelions. She’d pluck the weed and create a knot with the stem and, smiling, put the ring on my finger. I felt special and lucky. Within hours, the dandelion wilted, the yellow flowers tinged with brown. It was my first lesson of impermanence.

We were poor and a part of me knew it, but mostly, I was blissfully ignorant. I reveled in the smell of burning wood in the Iowa autumn. I loved the dandelion rings my mother made and I loved watching “The Muppets” on TV. All of this was (relatively) free. I thought everyone had a father who came home exhausted and discouraged. I thought everyone shared one bathroom in their family. I thought everyone fought over money.

I’m a lot older now and I have learned this: wishing for “stuff” always leads to disappointment. Nothing you can buy will deliver anywhere near the satisfaction of smelling burning wood on a Midwest autumn evening, or watching the “Muppets” on a chilly Halloween night or wearing a dandelion ring your mother makes just for you.

Nothing.

Waiting

You’re waiting in line at the (fill in the blank: post office, grocery store, gas station).

Do you grab your phone and surf the ‘net? Do you get on Facebook? Do you sigh and impatiently monitor the line, wishing you were somewhere else?

An alternative activity: sit with your eyes closed. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feel sensation in your hands, feet, stomach. Want a sample of nirvana? Ask yourself, “I wonder what my next thought will be?” And wait. The moment that follows, where you mind is completely blank, that is complete peace of mind.*

Kismet

Daily Practice

Author: chungwipff