Author: chungwipff

The Spoon

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My mother arrived in America in the late 1960s from a small town in rural South Korea. She knew a little English from school, but you can imagine going from the countryside in South Korea to a small apartment building in North Carolina is not exactly a smooth transition.

My sister, brother and I were born in quick succession following her immigration. We quickly grasped the many, many nuances of the English language, especially slang. Mom tried to understand it. But the words and gestures of profanity eluded her.

One day, my siblings and I were doing something that caused her displeasure: eating with our mouths full? Fighting with each other? Getting Bs? I don’t recall. But I do remember her suddenly raising her fist in an incomplete “f*** you” gesture (no middle finger) and yelling, “Fist up!” This created peals of laughter from us and, in her frustration, she gave chase. With a wooden spoon.

The chase was thrilling. Mom and that spoon could sting. But the sight of her in that apron, her face red with anger…it was too much.

As we ran around the house – us kids laughing at the sight of our indignant mother and the epic fail of her attempt to be obscene -she broke into laughter too. Soon, all four of us were in a puddle of giggle tears.

We carried on that day in a lighter state. Life is good. Grades are grades. People are people. Poor is poor. As long as we have each other, we can laugh.

 

Equanimity

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e·qua·nim·i·ty
ˌekwəˈnimədē/
noun
  1. mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
    “she accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity“

As I study “The Greats” of yoga and meditation, I run across this word a lot. It’s central to the philosophy of yoga. Deep breaths. Space. Equanimity.

For me, it’s connected to the Tao, the Middle Way. No extremes. Don’t over react to either end of the spectrum. This way, you can be happy no matter what.

Beware. Once you decide to be more equanamous, you will be challenged left and right. Just remember, nothing is that serious. Take a deep breath. Allow s-p-a-c-e between your reaction and whatever it is that is happening.

Stay composed.

 

 

 

Why Our Partners Drive Us Mad

 

I like to create my own content, but tonight, I MUST share something with you. If you’re interested in emotional intelligence, you need to see this:

The School of Life

I love this website. There is so much to learn. Who is “The School of Life”?  They’re based in London.There is a psychotherapist on staff and many writers and researchers. They seem to know their stuff. I like their style.

Here is their Vision Statement:

BEING DEDICATED TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH MEANS THE FOLLOWING:

We want people to have better relationships

To be better parents

To be more understanding children

To be less anxious

To be less scared

To be more self-aware

To be more appreciative

To be more forgiving

To be wiser consumers

To be more mature employees, entrepreneurs and leaders

To create businesses that more accurately satisfy the true emotional needs of consumers

To help work to be more meaningful

To be better at resisting certain noxious messages in society around happiness, success and status.

To have a good understanding of one’s place in history and the distinctive challenges of living in modern consumer capitalism, with its Romantic individualistic hedonistic philosophy.

To be more modest about what happiness is possible – and at the same time more hopeful and appreciative day to day.

To be at ease with culture, mining it for what is useful, using it to enhance one’s own life, not to pass an exam: to be consoled and enlightened by culture.

 

 

So check them out. They cover a wide spectrum of topics. 

 

The Secrets To Being Fit For Life

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You’re on your 18th diet. You’ve lost weight before – many times – and you’re planning on doing it once more. You’re going to the Bahamas this spring and you want to look good.

Why do you find yourself back in this place again and again?

You had the wrong kind of motivation.

There’s short-term motivation and long-term motivation. Short-term motivation is fueled by factors outside of the goal. For example, you’re motivated to lose 15 lbs. because you want to look good for your trip to the Bahamas. “The Bahamas” is not only outside the contiguous United States, but it’s also outside of  being healthy and fit. You’ll be able to take the weight off, maybe. But the weight will come back. This is because your motivation lies outside of you. It’s external.

If you want to lose 30 lbs. because you want to be more ambulatory or because you want to get off your blood pressure medication and you want to feel more energetic, then your motivation is internal and you are much, much  more likely to stick with your exercise, diet and all the other healthy habits that you need to adopt for the change.

This goes for any goal you create for yourself. If you want to ensure that you make a long-lasting (permanent) change, define for yourself the internal motivation for it. The externals are easy: more money, the respect of others, prestige, etc. But the internals? These could include: new skills, peace of mind, confidence, mental strength, and physical strength.

Of course, there are consequences for hard work. You very well might make more money by gaining new work skills. You might get noticed and gain fame. You might look great on the beach.  But make sure these are not part of your motivation and it’s more likely that you’ll sustain your success.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the WHY, as well as the how.

 

“A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action…”*

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No Excuses

I’m grateful for many, many things. I have a very good life: a job I love, two healthy, beautiful children, a husband who loves me, a nice home, an affectionate dog and an enormous “wine refrigerator”.

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However, I’m not 100% content. I don’t like the recent spate of racist incidents around the country (KKK). I don’t like that Asians are under represented in TV, film and books. I don’t like the fact that so many in this country (and the world) go hungry each night.

Complaining isn’t going to change anything.

Writing an amazing script, raising money and getting the independent film with Asian actors produced and shown at film festivals WILL change the scene.

Organizing a passionate, savvy group of people to pressure our legislators for gun control laws WILL save lives.

Reaching out to all the different, beautifully diverse people in my community WILL help change racial stereotypes and bring some peace.

Creating programs to help homeless people get job skills and become income earners WILL change their lives.

Inventing affordable solar panels WILL help save the environment.

What can you do today/this week/this month/this year to provide “A little more bite, and a little less bark”?

 

*”A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley

 

Melancholy or Merriment?

 

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Yesterday’s blog was about being fierce and how to get there. Today’s post is about the opposite: sadness and lethargy.

2016 was a difficult and painful year for many people I know. The holidays can sometimes lead to funk, not cheer. According to Psychology Today, the anticipation of merriment might lead to pensive gloominess or even depression. We drink too much, eat too much and sleep too little. Some signs of the holiday blues include: “Headaches, insomnia, uneasiness, anxiety, sadness, intestinal problems, and unnecessary conflict with family and friends.” (Psychology Today)

How to beat it?

The article cites 10 tips. I’ll give them to you in a nutshell:

  1. Be reasonable with your schedule.
  2. Organize your time.
  3. Declare an amnesty with your friends and family.
  4. Manage your expectations. Holidays won’t be for you as an adult what they were when you were a child!
  5. Volunteer to help others in need.
  6. Alcohol is a depressant. Drink in moderation.
  7. Take breaks – especially physical ones, like exercise or just walking.
  8. Think half-full, not half-empty. The choice is yours!
  9. Take breaks – exercise, walk around the neighborhood. Get moving!
  10. Choose to see the glass half-full, not half-empty. You do have a choice.

 

 

 

 

Fierce

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Fierce – adj., 3. Furiously Eager and Intense

When I was in my early twenties, I lived in San Francisco and wanted to be a writer. To be a good writer, you have to read a lot. I was forever changed when I read Natalie Goldberg’s Wild Mind. In it is a passage about feeling “wild” while you sit calmly, writing. I completely identified with this! I made up my mind to have a Wild Mind from then on.

Being “wild” mentally naturally helps my writing and my creativity. However, I noticed that when I feel sluggish physically, I am pretty dull inside, too. So I force myself to exercise. Believe me, I am never excited about lacing up the work out shoes. But I make it a habit. I get my shoes on, turn Jillian on (the DVD, not her…) and I go to town. It’s hard. I sweat. I look forward to it ending. But I do it. And when I’m done, I feel SO GOOD (not just because it’s over). The endorphins kick in and I feel more energized and positive. I am on top of the world!

On some Sundays, I like to go roller skating. I’m almost as fast as Apolo Ohno. This gives me a great high, too. I feel fierce.

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What makes you feel ferocious? What can you do to make it a habit?

 

 

 

 

Tying Loose Ends

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It’s December 5. We are almost at the finish line of 2016 and I have some loose ends to tie: complete my children’s book and edit my novella (Nanowrimo). These are my writing goals for this month.

Jillian Michaels says, “It’s when you’re uncomfortable that change happens.”

When it comes to writing, I enjoy the research phase. I also love the writing phase where I just throw it onto paper. But when it comes to editing, I get…uncomfortable. All those monkey mind thoughts I fought while writing come back and it prevents me from finishing.

Working out and changing your diet is uncomfortable.

Interviewing for your dream job is uncomfortable.

Making new friends is uncomfortable.

Disconnecting from friends who don’t act like your friends is uncomfortable.

Discomfort leads to change and growth! Who cares about perfection? It’s not important. In fact, it can be your enemy. Finishing is the most important thing.