Inspiring Insight
I sat down to work on my Teachers’ National Board Certification.
I got a lot done:
Three loads of laundry, the dishes, my car, and refrigerator are clean, and my dog got a bath.
And now this post.
Ok. Here I go. I’m really going to do it.
I just turned 50 and everyone is asking me how it feels
“amazing, wonderful and miraculous!”
At 27, I got in a horrible car accident (I was on a scooter)
Had I entered the intersection seconds sooner, I would have died
At 34, I gave birth and almost died from blood clotting
I had breast cancer 8 years ago
now I’m cancer-free with a beautiful family and a job I love
My new (and just fired) financial advisor said,
“I won’t say your age out loud”
as if growing older is shameful
as if getting older is bad
Last night, a friend of mine told me
she has a friend who has three months to live (cancer spread)
that woman is a mother and in her thirties
to her, turning 50 would be a miracle
Turning 40…50…60…(70…and on) is a miracle
It should be embraced (!)
Fearing aging is fearing life
Our culture is kind of sick in that way
The good news is,
we don’t have to buy into it
“I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that.”
Lauren Bacall
Recently, I (wo)manned a booth at our school’s International Festival. We were making maracas using empty toilet paper rolls, duct tape and (uncooked) beans and rice. Kids of all ages and sizes came to make their maracas.
After just one hour, I realized something: six and seven-year-old girls came up confidently and chose their colors without hesitation. “I want blue! And red! And green!” They taped their rolls, scooped up rice, taped again and smiled radiantly.
Teenage girls, however, hemmed and hawed, wracked with indecision. “Ummmmm. I dunno. I dunno what to choose! Ummmm…” It took them far longer to decide and even after they decided, they second-guessed their decisions and did not seem entirely happy with their results.
What happens to girls?
You’re on your 18th diet. You’ve lost weight before – many times – and you’re planning on doing it once more. You’re going to the Bahamas this spring and you want to look good.
Why do you find yourself back in this place again and again?
You had the wrong kind of motivation.
There’s short-term motivation and long-term motivation. Short-term motivation is fueled by factors outside of the goal. For example, you’re motivated to lose 15 lbs. because you want to look good for your trip to the Bahamas. “The Bahamas” is not only outside the contiguous United States, but it’s also outside of being healthy and fit. You’ll be able to take the weight off, maybe. But the weight will come back. This is because your motivation lies outside of you. It’s external.
If you want to lose 30 lbs. because you want to be more ambulatory or because you want to get off your blood pressure medication and you want to feel more energetic, then your motivation is internal and you are much, much more likely to stick with your exercise, diet and all the other healthy habits that you need to adopt for the change.
This goes for any goal you create for yourself. If you want to ensure that you make a long-lasting (permanent) change, define for yourself the internal motivation for it. The externals are easy: more money, the respect of others, prestige, etc. But the internals? These could include: new skills, peace of mind, confidence, mental strength, and physical strength.
Of course, there are consequences for hard work. You very well might make more money by gaining new work skills. You might get noticed and gain fame. You might look great on the beach. But make sure these are not part of your motivation and it’s more likely that you’ll sustain your success.
It’s the WHY, as well as the how.
True Beauty exerts and sweats
she’s strong and flexible
she’s persevering and unstoppable
she likes to eat (!)
she’s assertive
outspoken
positive
active
opinionated
creative
resourceful
and
relentlessly, tirelessly, defiantly
independent
I’m asked how the girls are taking the impending surgery. Here are their words:
June 12, 2010
-My mom is having surgery on Tuesday. I’m a little bit frightend but mommy said she would be alright. So, Ava and I have made a little menu for my mom with all different food and drinks when she’s in her bed. Her friends and our relletivs are coming over and helping us. I’m going to miss mommy. But when she’s up and around were going to play lots of board games and do math 
puzzles .My mom has done so much for me in the past that I’m not going to realy be used to all these people being with me.
Josie 🙂
June 12, 2010
My mom is having surgery on Tuesday.
I gave her my zu zu pet so she could press the nose and it would make a noise so we could come running to her. We made a menu for her so she could pick what food she wanted. If needed anything more she would tell us. There was coffee on the menu. Diet coke, water, and many other things. I feel a little scared because my mom is having surgery. But my mom is always brave. I will have quit violin for a little while. But till my mom gets better we have to go back to violin.
Ava
I am grateful for the amazing outpouring of love, support and encouragement I am receiving from friends and family near and far, and from complete strangers I have met online via friends. It makes me want to be a better person.
I’m asked,”What do you think you are supposed to learn here?” Although I believe everything happens for a reason, I don’t think I have led a life of unhealthy habits I need to ameliorate, nor have I sustained any toxic relationships. I don’t think this is a wake up call, because there is no place in my life where I need to realign my actions to suit my goals. I do, however, feel a renewed sense of appreciation for people in general, for the importance of health and responsibility. I always considered myself to be a strong person, but I’m having my mom sew a giant “S” on a blue nylon shirt after my recovery. Willey is making the cape.
On Friday, I had a 9am appointment with my plastic surgeon and a “check engine” light came on in my car. My first thought was, “On top of everything….my classes, and my surgery … my car now?” I was in Scottsdale and wondered if it was safe to drive. I completed my appointment (they took the “before” pictures and had me sign papers acknowledging all the risks of surgery, including infection, asymmetry, the need for more surgery, etc.). Suddenly, I felt as if I was being challenged. Someone or something was testing me to see when I would break. I will not break!
So I go home, find a mechanic with great reviews online, pack Josie’s swimsuit and towel, go to the mechanic, learn I have to go to a different mechanic sometime next week (it’s probably the o2 sensor), pick up the girls from summer school, drop Josie off to her playdate, have a date with Ava at the mall, go home, make dinner, get ready to go out with some friends and chat with the husband before I leave. I had a wonderful evening talking and laughing with a group of strong, beautiful women.
I’m ready.
“Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.” John Lennon
