Sometimes, the best teachers are not our favorites.
The best teachers in my life have been bad bosses, miserable jobs, serious illnesses and cruel “friends.”
Where there’s pain, there’s a lesson.
school
Whirlybird Lunacy
There is a label, in the education field, for parents who “hover” over their children in an overprotective, and micro-managing way: helicopter parenting.
As teachers, we get it. You don’t want your child to ever “fail.” You want to prove to your child, the world, your self, that you are an involved parent. But you are not doing your child any favors.
When you hover, you:
- subconsciously tell your kid that you don’t trust him to do it himself;
- create anxiety for your child;
- cheat your child out of the opportunity to work independently;
- cheat your child out of learning from failing; and
- cheat your child out of accomplishing something on his own.
Sometimes, effective parenting means surrendering.
5 Magic Words
It Is What It Is
I used to hate this saying. I often heard it after I complained about something. What kind of retort is that? It just made me angry. “It is what it is.”
When I was a kid, my home was toilet papered and egged. They wrote “chink” on the driveway. “This happens,” my father said as our family cleaned the mess up. The words stung, like alcohol on an open wound. How could he react in such a weak manner?
And yesterday, my daughter cried. A boy she considers to be a good friend made a racist joke about Asian eyes and dental floss. I was inflamed! But she sat – quiet and still and oh-so-wise, in the puddle of ignorance, stupidity and pain this boy caused. She said, “I want to talk to him and explain why it was hateful and hurtful. He will understand and never do it again. I know he’s a good kid.” As her mother, I could only see red. Someone broke my daughter’s heart and made her question this world (once more), just so he could get laughs.
And I knew. I knew the anger I felt was a false sense of power.Being angry makes you feel energized and ready to mobilize. But anger is fear on steroids.
“It is what it is” is not a rallying cry to be passive. It means,”what you see before you, IS.”
When I was undergoing surgery for breast cancer, these five words were embodied in the doctor’s confident hands, the nurses’ night time vigil and my family and friends’ constant support. This IS the situation and we’re taking care of it right now.
It’s about accepting that which you cannot change. If you can’t change it, your anger and defiance – your energy – are wasted. You continually generate negativity.
In fact, acceptance is the first step to proactivity. Once you accept reality (that which IS, that which you cannot change), you can use your energy and creativity to begin to make steps to exact change. A couple of wise friends of mine often say, “This, too, shall pass.” Everything is impermanent. Accept each season.
Wake Up!
Sometimes, I feel like people are asleep. I mean, sleeping is nice, right? So why not be awake and be asleep? Just close your eyes to that which you do not find pleasant. We really do not wield much power in reality anyway, right?
My daughter came home extremely upset today. A boy in her class drew the swastika on his arm. This is not the first time. It’s the third time he’s done this. She told him (for the third time) that this is absolutely unacceptable, that it’s a symbol of unspeakable atrocities against mankind. Um, Holocaust, anyone?
He laughed and said he was just “joking around.” And then he told her to “lighten up.” [Does this kind of rhetoric sound familiar?]
Crying, she said, “Mom, I’m just terribly sad and AFRAID.”
Our current political climate, our literal climate, our rising gun violence rates, and our collective unconsciousness are not instilling confidence in our children. Do the right thing. If your school tells you your child is drawing swastikas on his arm and books, then give him an education and a serious consequence. Teach him that it’s wrong.
Don’t “Boys will be boys” it.
I’m going to call that boy’s parents and I will let you know if they are “asleep” or not.
Even if You Don’t Want To…
One of my summer school students – I’ll call her Liliana – was woefully deficient in her math skills. Going into 5th grade this year, she should be prepared to work math problems with fractions. However, she was still struggling with simple addition and multiplication. After working intensely for over a week, she grasped basic multiplication quickly.
After successfully solving four multiplication problems, I told her, “OK, you’re ready for division.”
Her eyes grew large. She stepped back from me. “No, not yet.”
“Liliana, you’re ready.”
“Just one more.”
“No, you’re ready. What’s the matter?”
She just stood there, silent.
“It’s ok if you make mistakes at first. That’s how you learn. Look how far you’ve come!”
She looked at me doubtfully. I gave her a problem to sort out, after working one through for her.
She returned with her work. She had made one small mistake. Her brows were furrowed. She was looking at her mistake.
Yet she had successfully worked out several steps correctly before that.
“Look at how far you came, Liliana! Look at how many steps you got right. Focus on that. And now, study your mistake. This is learning.”
She’s still working on division. It will take time. But you and I know that if she’s determined and works consistently, she will master it.
How many times do we shy away from the next step? How many times do we say, “Not yet”? And how many times do we focus on our mistake and not our successes?
Take that next step, even if you don’t want to.
Father’s Day
Summer School. Day Five. 12 students. Ten more days left. Our days together are so few and there is so much to do.
Kids are like mirrors. I am always learning from them and they show me things about myself. They help me be better. Today, I was teaching them how to use Word: how to open it, type in it, save , change fonts, etc. We were making Father’s Day cards and the fact that one student’s father just went to jail was not lost on me. “If you prefer to write a card to your mother or grandparent, that’s fine.” She chose to make it for her father anyway.
“What if I need to write it in Spanish? My father can’t read English.”
(Taken aback): “How do you communicate with your dad then? How do you talk to each other?”
“We say, ‘How are you?’ and simple stuff like that.”
“OK, Type it in English and we will translate it to Spanish when you are all done.”
Several kids nodded and resumed typing. I continued walking around, helping, realizing the chasm within their families.
One student asks, “Mrs. Wipff, are you going to call Anthony “honey” too?”
What Do You Want?
Summer school students
yawning, with heads on their desks
Why are you here?
To get smart!
College – what is that?
Listen – you can be whatever you want to be
You can do it!
But you must work hard
Now, write down what you want to be
Dream Big!
Mrs. Wipff, how do you spell….
(a list of jobs shouted out)
I write them down
There. You can be successful,
but you need strong math skills
you need to work hard
it’s all up to you
For the rest of the day, I call on
the doctor, the engineer, and the mechanic
(oh, the teacher and the artist, too)
they smile with their new monikers
they work hard on this hot summer day
Post-Mortem (Or, Reflecting On the Year)
I’ve held several jobs: website producer, executive secretary, digital media salesperson, radio sales coordinator, and teacher.
I’ve been teaching for over ten years and I’m still learning!
My daughters, ages 13 and 14, attend the school where I teach.
They are teenagers, so I take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. However, when they talk about their teachers, I really listen. Here is what I have learned:
- Be strict, but also be fun and approachable.
- If a girl is a few minutes late to class, assume she just got her period unexpectedly and give her respect by not belittling her in front of the class.
- Teach well – in class. Limit homework. Middle school kids have at least 9 teachers who also assign homework.
- Give points and kudos for effort.
- Routines are excellent, but change things up a bit once in awhile.
- Extracurriculars and school-wide events are worth attending! Don’t make your students miss them.
- Control your class!
I think the rules can apply to any job: know your “stuff,” be flexible, respect everyone. Be professional, fun and approachable.
East Palo Alto’s Potent Transformer
In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point.*
I interviewed the Vice Principal and Co-Founder of Eastside College Preparatory School today (Helen Kim). Trying to write a blog post about the interview in 20 minutes (which is all I have tonight!) would not begin to do her or her school justice. Not even close. But I will write about one very important aspect of her work with low-income students who are college-bound: growth mindset. One of the most critical factors for success in helping her students reach their monumental goals is to have them perform self-assessments and self-reflection. One of the questions they most pose of themselves regularly (each quarter, minimum) is: Do I have a growth mindset?
Asking this question is very powerful. Instead of believing success in certain areas are “fixed,” its premise is that through hard work and focus, one can achieve lofty goals. The question empowers the student.
Eastside College Preparatory School consistently and vigorously trains their students to love learning and to be resilient. THIS is the key to success! Of course, academic basics and content mastery are important, but without love of learning, one is apt to quit when the going gets rough. And believe me, the going is going to get rough.
In a world that seems to be going a bit loco, it is truly heartening to know there are people like Helen and her staff who work tirelessly, selflessly and energetically to help others in need.
*http://mindsetonline.com/whatisit/about/
Elections from Kids’ POV
Our school just held Student Council officer elections this week. Classes voted yesterday and we identified our winners by the end of the day.
One thing that struck me throughout the week of campaigning was how CLASSY the kids were. These were 12 and 13 year olds. They wanted to be school President, Vice President, Secretary, Historian and Treasurer. Each one made posters (most decorated them themselves) and they were funny and witty.
NONE called their opponents names. Instead, they focused on the positive: they shared their visions of making our awesome school even better. They wrote speeches. They were nervous wrecks as they recorded them and they did it despite knowing the entire school would see them on the broadcast system. They did it, dreading the fact that by running for office, they left themselves vulnerable to criticism and defeat. I wanted every one of them to win, but of course, that’s not possible. I was excited to announce the winners, but I also dreaded breaking young, hopeful hearts.
The candidates were an eclectic bunch: nerds, athletic nerds, new-to-school kids and popular kids. The popular kids didn’t always win.
Each candidate focused on giving the student body what they wanted. They promised to listen. They shared personal information (“I have two sisters and a dog. I love watching movies and eating ice cream.”) They were so scared, that a few shared how nervous they were giving the speech DURING the speech. One of the candidates sang her entire speech acapella. They read their qualifications and it sounded like a list of Over Achievers Anonymous: Science Fair winners, Eagle Scouts, Straight A students, Star Soccer player, and on and on.
I don’t doubt that most of our American Presidential candidates really want to help America. But I wonder where our election process is going. Billions of dollars are spent on campaigns for an election that has been named “A Race to the Bottom.” Certain candidates have made allusions to gender, sexual body parts and trophy wives. They have mocked each other’s intelligence and looks. They lie and disregard fact-checking. In my social studies class, I wanted to utilize this year’s election in the classroom by taking candidates’ speeches and having students analyze them. To my dismay, I couldn’t do that (in a bipartisan platform, anyway). Must of what was bantered about was X-rated!
As I spoke to the candidates, I expressed how extremely proud of them I was and how I wished that adults could handle their campaigns in the same smart and mature way. They smiled. They knew what I meant.
I really hope that our young students grow up and remain full of enthusiasm and integrity. I have faith that they will.
Kismet 