Personal Success

Why Do People Cheat? Tony Robbins and Esther Perel #1*

 

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Photo by Jeremy Wong

 

I’ve been listening to podcasts. Many podcasts. My favorites are Tony Robbins and Optimal Living Daily. Recently, I heard Esther Perel on Tony Robbins and it was mind-blowing! I learned so much.  I’m in a healthy marriage, but I know a lot of people are not. I thought I’d share some interesting tidbits here. Perel, by the way, is a relationship expert. She’s been studying relationships for 35 years. Esther is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. She’s amazing and you can read more about her here.

The following information is from Tony’s podcast with Esther, Part II:

  • It’s our differences that create passion.
  • Triggers for affairs – Two main reasons:
    • feeling neglected, loneliness, sexual frustration, a deadness inside (bad marriages)
    • to feel “alive” – the absence of obligation and burden (good marriages). Not for sex, but for desire and aliveness.
  • People having affairs are not looking for another partner, but a new “self”
  • How to recover from an affair:
    • acknowledge the pain you created with the affair (remorse);
    • prove how much you want to stay – give back the value of your partner;
    • help your partner understand why you did it (a list of hotels is NOT the answer);
    • there can be no shame in staying

 

…to be continued…

 

 

 

*Tony Robbins Podcast October 18, 2017

Art is Hard (for Me)

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I’ve always wanted to draw. I had a babysitter (Julie) who shut that dream down when I was six. She told me I couldn’t draw or color well.

Yet, when shopping for art supplies for my daughters, I’ve always lingered in front of the pencils and drawing tablets, the paints and brushes a bit longer than necessary. I’ve saved tons of art supplies for “someday” when I have time to take a class.

I realized that “someday” is pure imagination. We only have TODAY.

For my birthday, I treated myself to Lisa Congdon’s book, 20 Ways to Draw Everything. It got 5 out of 5 stars! I’ve watched her videos. She’s really good. It arrived in the mail today. But page after page just shows 20 dogs, 20 rabbits, 20 flowers, etc. perfectly drawn! There are no step-by-step directions. In the very beginning of the book, she instructs “Draw the big shapes and lines first, then add in the smaller details.” Really?

That’s it?

I need a lot more help.

So I drew and drew and the whole time, my inner critic was talking snidely to me. Seriously, do you call that a leg?

Look at Jazz. He looks like he’s had a craniotomy.

Oh for Pete’s sakes! Why do all of your dogs look pregnant?

Precious looks broken.

Is Brutus a dog or a deer?

I have to laugh. My inner critic is funny. My drawings are funny. I want to get good, but in my own way. I’ll never be Lisa Congdon good and that’s OK. I also ordered Milk and Honey. Look at one of her illustrations:

 

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From Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

 

Her illustration is not “perfect.” It’s impactful. Her poetry has resonated with so many readers that her volume of poetry is a New York Times Bestseller.

So, I’m not going for perfect. I’m on a quest to develop my own style.

Screw you, Julie!

 

Time is Money

 

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Photo by Ales Krivec

 

My biggest inefficient use of time: preparing food for the family.

I grocery shop, of course, but I rarely think past the next meal or two. Consequently, I stress out a bit 5x/week, deciding what to cook for dinner and what to pack for lunch. We get  Blue Apron delivered 2x/week (skipping weeks where the recipes are not to our family’s liking), but then we’re either out and about and I buy the kids dinner (can’t be helped – they go to symphony practice straight from school and don’t get home until 8 or 9pm.) Or I am too tired and fussy and we eat something which I cook in a groggy state. Sometimes, it tastes halfway decent.

This Sunday, I am going to plan the entire week ahead of time, prepare it, and freeze it.

This will free up time during the weekdays (our busiest days!) and lessen stress.

I’ve had this idea in the back of my mind for a long time, but I’ve always countered it with I don’t want to cook all day Sunday.  However, I’m using those hours (Monday – Friday) when I’m at my most fatigued.

I am going to use recipes from this book:

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But I’m not sharing the title with my family. Knowing it’s healthy, they’ll decide they don’t like the meals before they even eat!