T is for Teaching*
Slim wallet but exuberantly rich life
*part of my alphabiography series
A Six-Word Memoir
joy
You Can Feel This Way All the Time
S is for the Sun
When I was four, I stood in the backyard
dotted with dandelions and a baby pool
I looked up – the sun radiated my face
I felt melded with everything and life was so good
We were “poor”, but I did not know that
Dad was already worrying about college for his three kids
Mom cried and missed her family back in Korea
But the sun was out and I felt like a flower, blossoming
Trapped No More
O is for Opal*
Go to the animal shelter
walk up and dawn the barking galley
make eye contact with several dogs
– German Shepherds, Pitbulls (many) and a Chihuahua –
she sits quietly with those huge eyes
you can see every rib through her skin
Years later, she will prove herself
to be the most tender family member
yet the most ferocious watchdog –
Her love is vast and absolute
Here is an inspiring (under 3 minute video) of someone using his talents and know-how to help disabled dogs:
My favorite quote of his:
“…but the more I do, the more I want to enhance my knowledge and improve my skills.”
*Part of my alphabiography series
Show a Little Tenderness
K is for Kindness
To be kind means to be benevolent, to be compassionate and caring.
I am kinder on some days than others. When I’m not as kind as I’d like to be, it’s always because I am not being so kind to myself. Being hard on myself because I didn’t eat as healthy as I should have, or skipped my work out, or said or did something “dumb”…can lead me to show not-so-kind behavior to others.
If we were all kinder to ourselves, and we made a concerted effort to be kinder to others, this world would change.
Truly, I believe members of hate groups (such as the KKK) do not like themselves. They possess unsavory feelings about themselves and then their outlook on the world changes. They look for scapegoats to blame for their own unhappiness and fears.
Have you noticed when you’re really happy – happy with yourself and your life’s situation – the last thing you want is to be mean to others?
I wonder if you know the story behind the KIND bars. The founder (Daniel Lubetzky) is a son of a Holocaust survivor. He remembers his father telling him that while he was in the concentration camp, one German soldier threw him some potatoes, risking his own life in order to be kind.
Watch the three minute video. I love how this company says that “nice” is passive, but being kind is an ACTIVE verb!
Thanksgiving in August
You know someone who is always cheerful and helpful, don’t you? This person has a big heart and is dependable when you need them most.
Don’t wait for Professional Administrative’s Day to give him or her a small token of appreciation. Don’t wait for birthdays or holidays.
Say thank you. Write a card. Give a small gift.
Make a positive, unexpected gesture. See what happens…
Buying Fishing Tackle
Her name was Daisy.
She got blue ice cream.
After she named all the colors of the various dots on the ice cream window (blue, red, orange, green, and purple), I told her parents that she was adorable. I asked her, “How old are you?”
She held three fingers up.
“Wow, you know all of your colors and you jump so high and you’re only three?”
She nodded yes. Not proud, not shy, just being factual.
“My name is Daisy. What is your name?” Her voice was a shiny bell.
“Caroline.”
“How old are you?”
Her parents and I laughed.
“A LOT older than you!”
Her brows furrowed and she asked, “Why can’t you tell me?”
And I realized that I have bought into it hook, line and sinker*. Why was I being coy about my age? Because I’m a woman? Because 49 is old?
“I’m 49.”
She turned to her ice cream, satisfied. Not judgmental. Not shocked. Simply satisfied.
I watched her spoon blue ice cream into her mouth.
And I thought, I’m 49. I’m not proud, not shy, just factual.
*American idiomatic phrase
declaration
May the laughter and love in your life eclipse tears of sorrow.
May your present be so full, that there’s no thought of tomorrow.
May your life’s work – day to day – be notably divine.
May your heart beat loud and full, a veritable goldmine.
I wish great fortune to smile down upon you –
that is – for you to accept all that is absolute.
Fresh as a Flower
“Don’t go to bed angry.”
This is an ancient sentiment and lives on to this day, for good reason.
Numerous studies suggest that avoiding anger at bedtime is the most common advice given by couples married for life.
Buddhists and other spiritual teachers advocate the sentiment behind “flower fresh” (Thich Nhat Hanh) (YouTube video) not only for relationships with others, but for our own happiness. Approach each day, each moment, with the freshness of a flower. You do not harbor anger, sadness or worry, which is suffering that you bring upon yourself.
It takes 90 seconds for your body to process the anger both mentally and physically. And then it can be released completely. If your anger lasts longer than that, it’s because you’re holding on to it.
Choose happiness and let it go.
Ease Up
I’ve mentioned a tense relationship between my daughter and me on this blog. It has gotten pretty distressing at times and when I decided to push my ego aside, I realized I had to surrender. Pestering was not working. I had reflected on my intention. Was my primary motive to help her be “successful” in life? Was hounding her to do homework and practice her violin most important? No. But that was what I was practicing.
I set my priorities clearly. First of all, she must know I love her unconditionally. Secondly, this is her life. I trust her with it. She knows what to do and if she doesn’t do it, she will have to face the consequences. That’s how she will grow. Throughout it all, I will love her, absolutely.
What I DO owe her is a happy mother. Every time I start to resort to my habit of nagging, I redirect my energies to what I want to do: plant lantana in the backyard (even in 100 degree heat), exercise, write, cook and so on.
Since I’ve put this practice in place, a magnificent event has occurred. We’ve become closer than ever. She wanted to get into shape. I took her to a fitness club. We signed her up for a four week membership (realizing there will be NO time for the gym once school starts). The club gave me a 2 week free pass. Organically…naturally…completely unplanned…I’ve become her trainer. We work out together and laugh and (sometimes) partake in junk food afterwards. There is ease and love where angst and friction once were. And if I ask her to do something, she does it. Most of the time. And that’s OK.
The intention came first. Space (a lot of it) came next. And then complete awareness and unconditional love. I’d say this works for all relationships.
On Marriage
“Your partner is your mirror…to think your partner is anything but a mirror of you is painful. When you see him flawed in any way, you can be sure that that’s where your own flaw is. The flaw has to be in your thinking, because you’re the one projecting it.”
Byron Katie
Katie tells a story in A Thousand Names for Joy about the time she came home, excited to eat her snack which she carefully placed “on the top shelf, to the right” in her fridge. But it was gone! Her reaction: she chuckled. “If I had believed stressful thoughts such as he’s so inconsiderate! He knew it was mine…he ruined it all, then I would have been annoyed, resentful and even angry with him.” Instead, Katie laughed at her plan gone awry. She chose to not believe those destructive thoughts. “…It turns out, I bought it for him.”
My marriage is a very good one. My husband and I share plenty of laughs, but I can get into ruts where I am bothered by something he is doing (or not doing). We have four cars right now with only two drivers in the house (him and me). He can’t let go of his Alfa Romeo, which is beyond repair. I tried to think of what I could say to get him to get rid of it. I started to feel a bit resentful as I imagined an argument and then I stopped.
Just let it go. Do not fall for these thoughts! He’ll release it when he’s ready.
The thought continues to intrude…we have a car outside in the 114⁰F heat, because we have a three car garage and FOUR cars!
So what?
I decide to chuckle.
My husband is sentimental. He appreciates that car. He loves that car.
And I love him. I love this life.
Katie’s assertion that marriage is really your relationship with yourself is spot on.
Kismet 