personal growth

Not Better, Just Different

 

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My husband, daughters and I frequent a gelato place called Dolce Vita. It’s owned and operated by an Italian immigrant and his wife. They sell authentic Italian groceries, and prepare food from scratch, including the BEST gelato you could ever eat. Walter is the quintessential snob. He’s not afraid to be snooty with you and if you complain too much, you’ll be kicked out of his shop for life.

He mocks some of his troublesome American customers:

“Hm, what does this pear gelato taste like?”

In his thick Italian accent, he answers snidely, “Vaneeela!”

Another stupid question: “Which one is better, the Nutella gelato or the pineapple gelato?”

“It’s no better, just diffeh-rant!”

This reminded me of so many times I hear parents compare their children. I was compared a lot, to my siblings. It never made any of us feel good.

How can you compare human beings? It’s like comparing Nutella to pineapple gelato!

We do this alot, don’t we? We compare ourselves to others. How’s this working for you? You’re comparing an apple to oranges! Suggestion: stop comparing. If you’re going to be in competition so that you can improve, compete against yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today. Simple.

Stop the madness and be joyful.

 

 

How to Control Your Motivation

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When I was in 6th grade, I learned about the push and pull factors for migration. People who migrated because their country was in a war, for example, migrated for “push” reasons. They were pushed out: Food, jobs, and security were scarce.

Most people who came to America during the Gold Rush came for “pull” factors: the opportunity for wealth, better living conditions and greater security.

When it comes to your personal motivation, are you being driven from something or toward something? Being driven to eat better and exercise because you had a heart attack (push) is mighty powerful, but so is choosing a better lifestyle because you want more energy and you want to live longer.

If you want to be motivated to make a change, consider the possible push and pull factors. Make a list – make it specific – and exhaust the possibilities.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Paradox of People

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David Marcu

Gun sales have dropped since we elected a President who supports gun rights.

When you’re always available to talk to your crush, he doesn’t really want to talk to you.

Telling people what to do often results in rebellion.

Trying hard to fit in will get you kicked out.

 

Not getting the results you want with people? Maybe you just need to relax.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Discipline + Solitude

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It’s a busy world. Now, more than ever, we have “noise”: news, videos, people in cafes talking, television, the Internet, etc.

I’m  a teacher and my work is noisy. When I visit my husband at his corporate job, I’m always struck by the quiet in his office. It’s so quiet! Sometimes, I am envious.

I love my job with children, my life as mother to two daughters and I love getting together with friends.

But I always crave solitude. I want to be alone to read, write and just feel calmness.

Fortunately, I am married to a man who will help me out. He will take the girls to violin lessons without me if I need some seclusion.

Seclusion. Solitude. Loneliness. Some people like to be alone. I do. I think this is a good thing. It means you like yourself!

Demand some privacy. Detach yourself from social media and people.  It’s OK. In fact, I’d argue that you NEED it, you need to know yourself, your self. Make it a priority.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Endless Energy

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We have the capacity to feel energetic all the time. You don’t need chemicals or a special diet. We are naturally full of energy. The reason we lack energy is because we create blocks which stem from our ego.*

For example, let’s say you wake up in a great mood. You go to work, full of energy. You want to make this an outstanding day! You plan on getting a lot done. A client calls you, berates you and demands some of his money back. Now you feel indignant against this person. You take what he says personally and call him names (after you hang up the phone). How dare he demand things outside of the contract? How dare he accuse you of trying to pull a fast one?

You run your fingers through your hair. You don’t feel like moving forward because you’ve lost the energy to get a lot done today. You just want to fume and you walk to your boss’ office to complain and have someone agree with you.

There goes a day of productivity.

If you want to maintain your energy, you need to clear the blockages. Don’t take things personally, don’t feed your ego’s desire to vent and draw attention to itself. Let the drama go. You can choose to go with the problems, ego and power drain, or choose to remain energetic.

 

*Michael Singer, The Surrender Experiment

Life is…

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What do you think life is? Your answer will tell alot about you and how you live your life.

Is life a game? Are there winners and losers? Are you trying to win? This philosophy always reminds me of the quote:

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you‘re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin

I consider life to be an adventure. You simply can’t predict what will happen, but you can go forth with an attitude of openness and wonder. Embrace what comes to you and know that everything (“good” or “bad”) is temporary.

Habits, Success and Resolutions

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I don’t like to work out, but I’ve been working out regularly for decades. The secret? A reward shortly after working out. It’s usually a bubble bath.

I just bought this:

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According to Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit), the secret to developing a habit is to identify and implement three things:

  1. a cue
  2. a routine
  3. a reward

The cue could be “morning”, the routine could be going to the gym and the reward could be a bubble bath (I don’t advise chocolate cake).

Remember, good habits are invaluable: they help you reach your goals on autopilot. If you don’t have to struggle to do the work because it is a habit, the more likely you’ll stick with it!

What are your cues, routines and rewards?

 

 

 

Brick by Brick

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Let’s say your life is a small house made of brick. Each day is one brick. Is any day really more important than another? How would you feel if you realized, at the end of construction, that most of those bricks were spent worry, hurrying, or wishing for the one Vacation Day brick…or the Promotion Day brick? Pretty silly, eh?

Conversely, what kind of house – life – would you have if each day (brick) was spent in full presence? What if you placed each brick carefully, lovingly and enjoyed the process?

Each brick is important, but the most important one is the one you’re laying down right now.