Sometimes, the best teachers are not our favorites.
The best teachers in my life have been bad bosses, miserable jobs, serious illnesses and cruel “friends.”
Where there’s pain, there’s a lesson.
relationships
Honesty
‘Tis the season!
We receive holiday cards, mostly from friends and family but also the occasional acquaintance.
We received a card with one of “those” letters in them. You know what I mean, the ones that review the entire year for every family member in 8 very full paragraphs in 8pt font. Everything that happened was fantastic. Each family member is on his/her way to great success.
This card/letter came from a family with whom we don’t have a personal connection. We never speak on the phone, we never meet up. We are not even Facebook friends. They happen to be real estate agents in the community.
2016 is almost over. I’d like to see some authenticity happen in 2017.
Communications (email, phone, social media, etc.) are time-consuming, both for the sender and the recipient. Wouldn’t it be nice if every attempt at reaching out was genuine? Do you really care to forge a relationship with us? Then be real. Invite us for a meet up. Call. Even an email invitation is acceptable these days.
But please, don’t send a generic “personalized” letter and assume we care. Why should we?
Why Our Partners Drive Us Mad
I like to create my own content, but tonight, I MUST share something with you. If you’re interested in emotional intelligence, you need to see this:
I love this website. There is so much to learn. Who is “The School of Life”? They’re based in London.There is a psychotherapist on staff and many writers and researchers. They seem to know their stuff. I like their style.
Here is their Vision Statement:
BEING DEDICATED TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH MEANS THE FOLLOWING:
We want people to have better relationships
To be better parents
To be more understanding children
To be less anxious
To be less scared
To be more self-aware
To be more appreciative
To be more forgiving
To be wiser consumers
To be more mature employees, entrepreneurs and leaders
To create businesses that more accurately satisfy the true emotional needs of consumers
To help work to be more meaningful
To be better at resisting certain noxious messages in society around happiness, success and status.
To have a good understanding of one’s place in history and the distinctive challenges of living in modern consumer capitalism, with its Romantic individualistic hedonistic philosophy.
To be more modest about what happiness is possible – and at the same time more hopeful and appreciative day to day.
To be at ease with culture, mining it for what is useful, using it to enhance one’s own life, not to pass an exam: to be consoled and enlightened by culture.
So check them out. They cover a wide spectrum of topics.
Workshop Wisdom
I attended a workshop on educational leadership today. I walked away with lots of good stuff but one quote that stuck with me was:
Get what you want. Find a way.
Being a leader means helping others lead, really. Supporting others to be the best they can be is one of the biggest objectives and one of the most challenging. One vital channel to this goal is to make others feel appreciated and help them in their jobs.
Make your staff feel valued by obtaining resources that they need or want for their work. Show them that you appreciate what they do and that you consider it important. “Get what you want. Find a way.”
This is really the secret to success, isn’t it? What do you want? How can you find a way to get it?
New Beginnings
We’re a little over a month to the New Year, but it’s never too early to think of New Beginnings. I’m not into countdowns, as that takes your mind out of the present moment. However, I believe reflection and assessing the areas of your life can be important in getting what you want. Perhaps everything is great: your marriage, the kids, and your health. But your career is flagging? Or maybe your career is going great, but your relationships are strained?
Here is a “life wheel:”
Can you identify the areas of current strength and happiness? Which area(s) would you like to address? Pinpointing your target areas is the first step to improvement.
And remember…only you can make it better!
How to Fall in Love Again
I met my husband at a party. He made me laugh with his amazing ability to do impressions of famous people. He could do perfect Irish accents. On one of our dates to an Irish bar in San Francisco, we met a couple Irish tourists. Willey spoke to them with an Irish brogue and they asked him which part of Ireland he was from!
It’s 22+ years later:
22 years is a long time. Nights at bars gave way to babies, cancer (and recovery), school activities, music lessons, mortgages, bills and retirement plans. The impressions and carefree days faded away. We had have responsibilities.
I threw my husband a surprise birthday party for his 50th last night.
Relatives and friends flew in from out of state. Local friends attended the party. We had a great time. One of our guests was from Australia. Suddenly, Willey was from the Outback, talking like the Crocodile Hunter. We all gathered around him, laughing. And I saw him. I saw us.
I saw our future, our hopes, our dreams, our joy.
And it all came true: We have a home, dear friends and family, beautiful children.
When life is ebbing instead of flowing, remember the high tide. Remember what made you fall in love. It’s always there.
What’s Transparency?
I was in a workshop for educational leadership. We broke out into groups and were asked to list cultural values we would uphold as leaders. One group mentioned “transparency.”
“What does that mean?” Our instructor asked.
“You know…you get what you see,” one group member answered. She sounded feeble.
“Transparency. No secrets! You share everything…that includes your conversations about other people. When you talk about someone who isn’t there, you should only say what you’d say if they WERE there.”
This is when I realized I have worked in a lot of dysfunctional work environments. How would this affect your professional life? That is, if you stopped engaging in gossip? How about your personal life?
Less is Truly More
I was driving on the freeway and a man next to me cut me off so closely, I thought he was going to hit me.
My adrenaline raced and I had thoughts that no teacher-of-young-children should ever have. I was angry. What a *$#@&! I cursed him and his family. I wished him ill will in every way. He was a jerk, a self-centered @#&$ and…and then I stopped. I was judging him and the situation. As soon as I stopped judging and taking the incident personally, I felt calm. It was a choice: I could be angry or I could be happy. I chose to be happy.
I’ve been trying to secure a grant. It was turned down a few months ago. A great despair and sadness overcame me. I really wanted it. Badly. And then I realized I was too attached. I was suffering and I needed to let it go. Of course, I can re-apply. I can keep re-applying. But if I do, I need to do my best on the application and LET IT GO. No attachment. I’m fine whether I get it or not.This process is really challenging, but definitely possible.
Finally, I find myself in this situation often: I want to get to my writing/workout/GNO, but I have to (fill in the blank = drive my girls to violin lessons or teach summer school). Because I have my mind on what I want to do and because I can’t do it right then, I am resisting reality. And it’s painful. I feel stressed and resentful when I am not doing what I want to do right when I want to do it. This is resisting reality and the only thing that can come of it is unhappiness and suffering. I’m still working on this!
Thus, JAR: Judging, Attaching and Resisting. Eckhart Tolle says that in order to gain complete freedom (and peace of mind) you need to master these mentalities: non-judgment, non-attachment and non-resistance. Do not judge others OR yourself. Do not attach to your desires. And do not resist the present moment. This is really hard to do in our competitive, judgmental world. But, it can be done. Start by paying attention throughout your day. Are you judging? Are you (needlessly) attached to something or someone? Are you resisting the moment? There is great freedom in letting go.
Kismet 