What did you find useful today?
What can you discard?
How/what can you add that is uniquely your own?
Can you tell I’m a huge fan of Bruce Lee?
self-help
Decide
Decide to be happy no matter what.
Life is a rollercoaster. There will be ups, and there will be downs. But decide to be happy through it all.*
*The Surrender Experiment – Michael Singer
“A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action…”*
No Excuses
I’m grateful for many, many things. I have a very good life: a job I love, two healthy, beautiful children, a husband who loves me, a nice home, an affectionate dog and an enormous “wine refrigerator”.
However, I’m not 100% content. I don’t like the recent spate of racist incidents around the country (KKK). I don’t like that Asians are under represented in TV, film and books. I don’t like the fact that so many in this country (and the world) go hungry each night.
Complaining isn’t going to change anything.
Writing an amazing script, raising money and getting the independent film with Asian actors produced and shown at film festivals WILL change the scene.
Organizing a passionate, savvy group of people to pressure our legislators for gun control laws WILL save lives.
Reaching out to all the different, beautifully diverse people in my community WILL help change racial stereotypes and bring some peace.
Creating programs to help homeless people get job skills and become income earners WILL change their lives.
Inventing affordable solar panels WILL help save the environment.
What can you do today/this week/this month/this year to provide “A little more bite, and a little less bark”?
*”A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley
Melancholy or Merriment?
Yesterday’s blog was about being fierce and how to get there. Today’s post is about the opposite: sadness and lethargy.
2016 was a difficult and painful year for many people I know. The holidays can sometimes lead to funk, not cheer. According to Psychology Today, the anticipation of merriment might lead to pensive gloominess or even depression. We drink too much, eat too much and sleep too little. Some signs of the holiday blues include: “Headaches, insomnia, uneasiness, anxiety, sadness, intestinal problems, and unnecessary conflict with family and friends.” (Psychology Today)
How to beat it?
The article cites 10 tips. I’ll give them to you in a nutshell:
- Be reasonable with your schedule.
- Organize your time.
- Declare an amnesty with your friends and family.
- Manage your expectations. Holidays won’t be for you as an adult what they were when you were a child!
- Volunteer to help others in need.
- Alcohol is a depressant. Drink in moderation.
- Take breaks – especially physical ones, like exercise or just walking.
- Think half-full, not half-empty. The choice is yours!
- Take breaks – exercise, walk around the neighborhood. Get moving!
- Choose to see the glass half-full, not half-empty. You do have a choice.
New Beginnings
We’re a little over a month to the New Year, but it’s never too early to think of New Beginnings. I’m not into countdowns, as that takes your mind out of the present moment. However, I believe reflection and assessing the areas of your life can be important in getting what you want. Perhaps everything is great: your marriage, the kids, and your health. But your career is flagging? Or maybe your career is going great, but your relationships are strained?
Here is a “life wheel:”
Can you identify the areas of current strength and happiness? Which area(s) would you like to address? Pinpointing your target areas is the first step to improvement.
And remember…only you can make it better!
What Makes You Tick?
When I use the “chuck it” with my dog, Opal, she runs as fast as lightning. I’ll throw the tennis ball 6 or 7 times and when we’re done, Opal is exhausted and happy. And then she’s mellow for the rest of the day. She is kinder with other dogs and she’s a delight to be around.
When I skip my own workout, I feel sluggish. I don’t have as much energy. When I force myself to work out – despite fatigue – I feel energized and I’m ready to take on my work.
Sometimes, the “magic pill” is just hard work.
What is it for you? Meditation? Yoga? Weight lifting? Set yourself up for success and do it, even if you don’t feel like it.
Maybe…
Instead of despair, action
Instead of judging, observing
Instead of destruction, creation
Instead of attaching, detaching
Instead of worrying, meditating
Instead of criticizing, helping
Instead of resisting, accepting
Joyful action attracts positive help
The 1,400 Mile Journey
“Most sea turtles undergo long migrations, some as far as 1400 miles, between their feeding grounds and the beaches where they nest.”*
I thought of animals like the sea turtle who complete Herculean tasks as a part of just living. Since I started Nanowrimo and set a daily word count goal for myself, I’ve realized how it’s so important to stick to your daily goals in order to reach your End Goal. If I skip one day, not too big a deal, but if I fail to meet my goals two, three or more days, I’ve now got quite the task in front of me and it only adds to my anxiety.
Your good great health is built on a long string of days doing the right thing: eating well and exercising. If you skip too many days, you’re no longer healthy or fit and it’s just that much more difficult to reach your goal.
If you give 50% effort during several days of work per week (or month), the quality of your work (in general) suffers. You no longer have the respect of your peers, your boss(es) or your clients. Most importantly, you no longer have self-respect.
An off day is OK. But be sure to jump up and start your long journey right again the next day and catch up!
Each day is precious.
*http://www.defenders.org/sea-turtles/basic-facts
The Magnificence of Margins (Or, Superb Space)
Pablo Garcia, Mexico – Unsplash.com
On a document, we have margins or space to define boundaries between text and the edges of the paper. It’s aesthetically pleasing. It the words went to the edges of the paper, we’d find it a bit distracting and perhaps difficult to read.
Space devoid of things or noise or thoughts can bring joy, calm and purpose.
When you complain to me, if I take the space of time to process it before I respond, I’ll probably come up with something more equanimous than if I reacted immediately.
A room cluttered with things might bring a sense of anxiety or disgust.
If you clean it up and there is physical space to sit, lie down, and walk, it will be a more welcoming room.
When I meditate, I am focusing my attention on my breath. This allows me to not think any thoughts. The more I practice this, the easier it is for me to enter this state of space and calm. This is good. When something bad happens, I do not need to react. Also, when a good thing happens, there is no need to go crazy. “This, too, shall pass” means life is a rollercoaster and the secret to happiness is to not react to the crazy.
I’ve Been Asking the Wrong Question
As a recovering Tiger Mom, I’m working really hard to unlearn some bad practices. I don’t expect my kids to get straight A’s. I just want to ensure they always do their best. HOWEVER, I’m aware that I often use grades as a default metric. It’s so easy to buy into the hype: competitive college scholarships, high tuition, “name brand” universities, etc.
In my heart, I know it’s wrong. It’s the wrong place to stress priorities with my kids.
A blogger on Huffington Post bragged wrote about how he and his wife ask their daughters 3 questions each night:
- How were you brave tonight?
- How were you kind today?
- How did you fail today?
Aren’t these more important concerns? Won’t these values take them further than a perfect GPA? Their third question, “How did you fail today?” opens the discussion about effort and not achieving the goal. The parents wanted to stress lessons learned from this taboo subject and, to in fact, celebrate failing! The word “fail” is leaden with negativity in our culture, but it’s really the only way we get stronger. It’s how we get resilient.
I’ve been asking my daughters a question each day, too. I thought I was being positive. I shared my experience on FB with my friends:
What is school for?
According to Seth Godin, school’s purpose should be to:
- teach kids to lead; and
- teach kids to try things and to FAIL.
He says, “Fine, getting an A is good. But it’s not the most important thing.”
Personally, I’ve known many “successful” (read: high income) folks who burned the midnight oil to get the excellent grades, get into the perfect college and then obtain the perfect, high-paying job. They’re still not happy.
Don’t we want our kids to lead happy, productive, creative lives?
If you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions. Perhaps the right question is not, “How can my kid get into an Ivy League School?” but “How can I raise my child to be a compassionate, productive, happy citizen?”
What do we need to do to be happy? Thoughts?
*photo from unsplash.com
Kismet 