How to Avoid Letting Ego Ruin Your Night

We are at the Ikeda Theater, waiting to watch Itzhak Perlman. We’re in the nosebleeds section, despite paying several hundred dollars. But this is Perlman. You can’t put a price on this.
Who comes to sit right next to us, but the girl and the mom who were so rude during summer symphony camp! I had set some gifts for the teachers and a sweater on my seat and came back after lunch to find them removed. “Mrs. S.” was sitting in our seats, her tripod and fancy camera all set up to capture her princess in her quartet group. She had placed my possessions in “lost and found.”

I was fuming.

And here we are now. It’s funny how feelings can come to surface again.

Deep breath. This pain is ego. You cannot fight ego by resisting it.

This is called “practice” or meditation. Be mindful. Be aware. And let it go.

People are talking while Mr. Perlman is playing. Let it go.
It is not always easy.

I’m sitting with my husband and my daughters who are dressed in their finest clothes. They did their hair in fancy dos and they feel special because we are taking them out to see Itzhak Perlman.

I choose to enjoy the evening, moment by moment.

Your “Role” Vs. “Being”

You’re a parent and you want to do ~~a good~~ an excellent job. Afterall, what could be more important? I’ve learned (the hard way), that to be a good parent, you have to both DO and BE.

DO – remind your kids to brush their teeth, make their beds, do their homework, etc.

BE – sit with them and just listen. 100% listening, with your eyes and ears and your full attention. Laugh with them. Ask questions and know them as people. They are people, separate from you.

You have a job: protect, nurture, teach.

But then, let them go and love them for who they are.

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Brick by Brick

Let’s say your life is a small house made of brick. Each day is one brick. Is any day really more important than another? How would you feel if you realized, at the end of construction, that most of those bricks were spent worry, hurrying, or wishing for the one Vacation Day brick…or the Promotion Day brick? Pretty silly, eh?

Conversely, what kind of house – life – would you have if each day (brick) was spent in full presence? What if you placed each brick carefully, lovingly and enjoyed the process?

Each brick is important, but the most important one is the one you’re laying down right now.

Sweet Salvation

Opal was a rescue from a shelter.

People say, “Wow, she’s lucky you found her.” She’s a pitbull mix and there are many where she came from. Her breed is supposedly unpredictable. Mean. Violent. She’s lucky to have found a home!

But really, we are the lucky ones.

She makes her rounds all night, checking on each daughter and then on us.

She rarely barks, saving her growls for trespassers outside our door. She’s so protective!

Petting her releases endorphins and dopamine, chemicals that keep anxiety at bay.

She looks at us with those beautiful eyes and persuades us to go for a walk, even if it’s cold outside.

Her mere presence cheers us up after a rough day at work or school.

She reminds us to revel in the present moment, to breathe in the fresh air, and to spot rabbits in the bushes.

What makes her happy? Food. A warm bed. Loved ones nearby. She teaches us that it doesn’t take much to be blissful.

Death as a Teacher

For something that affects each of us without fail, the subject of death remains taboo in our culture. Why?

2016 was rife with “surprise” celebrity deaths: Rickman, Bowie, Prince, Fisher and so many more. It’s sad to lose people we admire and love.

Yet, death can be the best teacher. It reminds us that life is, in the end, pretty short. It can clarify values pretty quickly. Six and half years ago, I was told by my doctor that I had cancer. I was fortunate – it was early stage I breast cancer – and my prognosis was very good. But I was 41 and not expecting that diagnosis at all. My life got crystal clear: Family and friends were priority. I realized that my job – teaching – was something I truly valued and I was grateful for it.

As I walked out of the hospital to go home to recover from my radical mastectomy, the air was crisp, the sun shone brightly and I noticed practically every blade of grass of the hospital lawn. I felt so alive!

Realizing that we don’t have much time gives us urgency. Don’t waste a day complaining. Don’t be negative. Live in the light of positivity and gratitude. Work towards your dreams. You might not have much time.

Money Is Only a Tool (Ayn Rand)

What are your beliefs about money? That you’ll never have enough? That only greedy people are rich?

Money is energy. You receive it in return for your work. If your work is valuable, you will receive currency. Focus on the giving and the rest will take care of itself.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. –Winston Churchill

Funds (like people) escape those who squeeze too tightly. Do good work, serve people generously, and wealth will come.

Honesty

photo-1472057529714-3f679372f673 — Nothing fake about me!

‘Tis the season!

We receive holiday cards, mostly from friends and family but also the occasional acquaintance.

We received a card with one of “those” letters in them. You know what I mean, the ones that review the entire year for every family member in 8 very full paragraphs in 8pt font. Everything that happened was fantastic. Each family member is on his/her way to great success.

This card/letter came from a family with whom we don’t have a personal connection. We never speak on the phone, we never meet up. We are not even Facebook friends. They happen to be real estate agents in the community.

2016 is almost over. I’d like to see some authenticity happen in 2017.

Communications (email, phone, social media, etc.) are time-consuming, both for the sender and the recipient. Wouldn’t it be nice if every attempt at reaching out was genuine? Do you really care to forge a relationship with us? Then be real. Invite us for a meet up. Call. Even an email invitation is acceptable these days.

But please, don’t send a generic “personalized” letter and assume we care. Why should we?

7 Benefits to Gratitude

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Practicing gratitude improves your life in a multitude of ways. According to Amy Morin, a psychological business writer for Forbes.com, reflecting on all that you have to be grateful for benefits you in the following ways:

Opens the door to more relationships.
Improves your physical health (fewer aches and pains)!
Improves your psychological health (reduces your emotional toxins)!
Enhances empathy and reduces aggression.
Helps you sleep better.
Improves your self-esteem.
Increases mental strength.

Reflecting on gratitude is a form of living in presence.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

A 10 Year old Says…

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One of the questions on our last 5th grade social studies quiz was, “How can we, as Americans, ensure equal rights for everyone?” This was on the heels of learning about slavery and the Civil Rights Movement (literary study: The Watsons Go to Birmingham).

Most of my students answered, “Treat everyone like we’d like to be treated,” or “remind everyone about the Constitution.”

But one student wrote:

We could start an activity or sports program where EVERYONE was invited. People of all races would play together and while they played and made friends with each other, they would see we are all the same and racism would be gone.

If you’re feeling discouraged, by recent racist rhetoric from a small group of small-minded people, remember there are a lot of good people out there. Our children are wise.

When Labels Are Necessary

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Labels are important on:

chemicals, poisons, toxins,
produce, canned foods, cosmetics, prescriptions
private documents
shipping containers
plants at a nursery
DVDs, CDs, records
clothing
contact lens cases (left, right)
luggage
shelves at a library, store, science lab

But labels do not belong on people.

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When we label each other as “other” (Republican, Democrat, poor, rich, stupid, illegal immigrant, foreigner, smart, crazy, disabled, etc.), we create a chasm which enables us to treat each other inhumanely.

We can each do our part by stopping this practice. Go ahead, try it. I bet it will make you happier.

Kismet

Daily Practice

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