Instead of despair, action
Instead of judging, observing
Instead of destruction, creation
Instead of attaching, detaching
Instead of worrying, meditating
Instead of criticizing, helping
Instead of resisting, accepting
Joyful action attracts positive help
On a document, we have margins or space to define boundaries between text and the edges of the paper. It’s aesthetically pleasing. It the words went to the edges of the paper, we’d find it a bit distracting and perhaps difficult to read.
Space devoid of things or noise or thoughts can bring joy, calm and purpose.
When you complain to me, if I take the space of time to process it before I respond, I’ll probably come up with something more equanimous than if I reacted immediately.
A room cluttered with things might bring a sense of anxiety or disgust.
If you clean it up and there is physical space to sit, lie down, and walk, it will be a more welcoming room.
When I meditate, I am focusing my attention on my breath. This allows me to not think any thoughts. The more I practice this, the easier it is for me to enter this state of space and calm. This is good. When something bad happens, I do not need to react. Also, when a good thing happens, there is no need to go crazy. “This, too, shall pass” means life is a rollercoaster and the secret to happiness is to not react to the crazy.
Because I work with children all day (super busy bees!) and have two children of my own, daydreaming about solitude occurs from time to time. To be alone! Ahhhhh! To stand in silence. I dream.
But it is within community that we find meaning in our lives and our work. You might work alone, but your work inevitably touches people. If it doesn’t, it’s not of value.
I’ve walked this trail so many times,
in seasons of both joy and grief;
matters bloom which suspend belief,
now I’m mezzo from birth to death.
This term, I’ve come to realize,
the purpose of one’s life lodges
not in popular mirages,
but undulates upon each breath.
Growing up as a 2nd generation Korean-American girl, I was taught that indolence (or laziness) was a crime. My siblings and I took Tae-Kwon Do lessons, violin/cello/saxophone lessons, and piano lessons during the school year. During the summer, we added gymnastics (for us girls) and sports (for my brother). My father held three jobs when he first immigrated to the United States and he still managed to earn a PhD. All of this was considered “the norm” for people who wanted to succeed. And if you didn’t succeed, well, then you were a loser, a dreg of society. If you didn’t get straight A’s, get a full scholarship to college and then make a ton of money, you were not special. You were “blah.” No one wants to be “blah,” right?
All the other 2nd Gen KA’s felt the pressure. When the Koreans got together for dinners at each others’ houses, the main conversation was which child was going to which Ivy League school.
As you can imagine, there was fallout. Someone got pregnant and dropped out of high school. Another dropped out of law school and became (gasp!) an artist.
I became an elementary school teacher and writer. This is maybe one rung above being an artist. Maybe. It could be one rung lower. I don’t know. Ask a Korean. Anyway…
I’ve known a few people who committed suicide because their outsides didn’t match or meet their inside expectations. These were really good people and it scared me, because I could relate. So I studied yoga and meditation. The idea of just “being” resonated deeply. Feeling calm and peaceful feel really good. Isn’t this why people work so hard to attain their goals? To feel good in the end?
Yet, I had this conflict: I still wanted to DO something. I wanted to be “successful” at what I pursued and I wanted to feel at peace at the same time. Is this possible? How do you simultaneously work really hard at something and feel that “just being” is enough?
I’ve come to realize that there is nothing wrong with ambition, as long as it aims to help others. And working really hard toward that aim provides all the contentment one could want in reaching one’s goals. The surrender part replaces the expectation part (of accolades, awards, bonuses, fame, etc.)
As one yogi says,
“We show up, burn brightly, live passionately, hold nothing back, and when the moment is over, when our work is done, we step back and let go.”
(Gates and Kenison, Meditations From the Mat).
So go ahead, burn brightly! But remember to surrender.
I practice yoga at home. I don’t practice enough, but when I do, I like Bryan Kest’s Power Yoga video.
My favorite part of the practice is when he says:
“It’s not WHAT you do, but HOW you do what you do.”
He says it slowly and it makes me think every time. Yes, how you do what you do.
Example #1:
Your server at the restaurant carefully places the plate in front of you, smiles and wordlessly refills your glass.
OR…
Your server brusquely sets your plate down and hurries off to the next table.
Example #2:
Your daughter tells you a story and you listen while looking at your cell phone. She feels like an after thought.
OR…
You give your daughter full attention – eyes and ears – as she tells you a story. She feels loved and respected.
We have our “to do” lists. We have jobs that have to be done. We do these action items day after day and they build up to weeks, months and years. This is called “our life.” There is no end to the things that need to be done. But the quality of our life is in the how of what we’ve done on a consistent basis.
I read about the “Happiest Man in The World” Matthieu Riccard, a Buddhist monk.
I was intrigued both by his title and the advice he gives to “be happy.” His happiness measurement was taken by a “highly complex MRI scan” conducted by cognitive scientists. Basically, he’s off the charts with his happiness.
How does he attain such bliss?
According to Riccard, happiness is something you must cultivate by practice. You have to look in the right places and you have to be aware of your intention – your intention is to be happy. Happiness is not something that just happens to you.
Secondly, you must work to rid yourself of mental toxins. This is a very challenging task during this election year. Included in the definition of negativity are: greed, envy and pride. Again, this is an enormous obstacle for our “selfie” generation!
Learn to master your inner mental state. Be aware of anger and allow it to dissipate. You are not your anger. And contrary to popular belief, anger is not “natural.”
Meditate. Studies show the efficacy of this practice. Start with focusing on your breath as it goes in and out. When you do this, thoughts cannot enter your mind. This is meditation.
Riccard also recommends that you think only positive thoughts for 15 minutes straight. I tried this during my morning walk with Opal. Although it was nearing 90 degrees F. at 5:30am, I arrived home refreshed, energized and…happy!
We run around and cross off tasks from our “To Do” lists because we believe we are not enough just as we are. We must achieve.
The misconception is that if we don’t do, we are lazy.
Non-doing is not being lazy. It’s simply the decision to be unoccupied.
Sometimes, non-doing is just what we need.
Breathe.
Notice what is right in front of you.
From stillness comes magic.
In order to build your dream house, you might have to destroy the dilapidated building that stands on the property first. You have to clear the area. And then you build. You have to spend money, hire people to help, do some problem-solving, tear some hair out…but in the end, it’s built. And your dream comes true.
When you want to increase muscle in your body, you have to lift heavy weights. This hurts. I guess that’s why so many people don’t do it. But when you tear those muscles, your body works to build them up again – stronger. And you can lift things you couldn’t lift before. And you feel good and you look good and your lover/spouse can’t keep his/her hands off of you. Hm, might be worth the pain?
There are people who are working hard at a relationship that brings more tears than laughter. “Well, I’ll forgive so-and-so again, he/she didn’t mean to hurt me, etc.” They spend their precious time trying to make the other person into someone he/she isn’t. They invest their energies only to be disappointed time and time again. They hope he/she won’t yell/hit/stay out late/do drugs/get drunk anymore. But their partner isn’t changing. Some major tearing down and clearing is necessary in order for something special and amazing to be built.
What do you need to destroy and clear out before beginning again?
Kismet 