C’est La Vie

Student Council member: “We didn’t get out Student Council t-shirts in time for Club Picture Day?”

Me: “No, they haven’t arrived.”

StuCo member: “Wow. That’s a problem. That’s a real issue.”

Me: “No, it’s not. We’ll get them when we get them. We will take our pictures wearing what we’re wearing and smile. It is what it is.”

At first blush, this sounds like a negative and cold response. But diving deeper, you can see that “It is what it is” is actually a great way to deflect negativity. Why stew about something that we cannot help? Why feel bad and see “no t-shirts” as a problem? There is no solution except to accept it, happily.

This doesn’t apply to areas where there might be a solution of course. I am a proponent of seeking creative solutions to any and all problems. But in cases where there is nothing to be done, why fret?

 

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Drawing #4 – “A Few Look Like Otters”

S

 

 

 

Why Do People Cheat? Tony Robbins and Esther Perel #1*

 

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Photo by Jeremy Wong

 

I’ve been listening to podcasts. Many podcasts. My favorites are Tony Robbins and Optimal Living Daily. Recently, I heard Esther Perel on Tony Robbins and it was mind-blowing! I learned so much.  I’m in a healthy marriage, but I know a lot of people are not. I thought I’d share some interesting tidbits here. Perel, by the way, is a relationship expert. She’s been studying relationships for 35 years. Esther is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. She’s amazing and you can read more about her here.

The following information is from Tony’s podcast with Esther, Part II:

  • It’s our differences that create passion.
  • Triggers for affairs – Two main reasons:
    • feeling neglected, loneliness, sexual frustration, a deadness inside (bad marriages)
    • to feel “alive” – the absence of obligation and burden (good marriages). Not for sex, but for desire and aliveness.
  • People having affairs are not looking for another partner, but a new “self”
  • How to recover from an affair:
    • acknowledge the pain you created with the affair (remorse);
    • prove how much you want to stay – give back the value of your partner;
    • help your partner understand why you did it (a list of hotels is NOT the answer);
    • there can be no shame in staying

 

…to be continued…

 

 

 

*Tony Robbins Podcast October 18, 2017

Art is Hard (for Me)

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I’ve always wanted to draw. I had a babysitter (Julie) who shut that dream down when I was six. She told me I couldn’t draw or color well.

Yet, when shopping for art supplies for my daughters, I’ve always lingered in front of the pencils and drawing tablets, the paints and brushes a bit longer than necessary. I’ve saved tons of art supplies for “someday” when I have time to take a class.

I realized that “someday” is pure imagination. We only have TODAY.

For my birthday, I treated myself to Lisa Congdon’s book, 20 Ways to Draw Everything. It got 5 out of 5 stars! I’ve watched her videos. She’s really good. It arrived in the mail today. But page after page just shows 20 dogs, 20 rabbits, 20 flowers, etc. perfectly drawn! There are no step-by-step directions. In the very beginning of the book, she instructs “Draw the big shapes and lines first, then add in the smaller details.” Really?

That’s it?

I need a lot more help.

So I drew and drew and the whole time, my inner critic was talking snidely to me. Seriously, do you call that a leg?

Look at Jazz. He looks like he’s had a craniotomy.

Oh for Pete’s sakes! Why do all of your dogs look pregnant?

Precious looks broken.

Is Brutus a dog or a deer?

I have to laugh. My inner critic is funny. My drawings are funny. I want to get good, but in my own way. I’ll never be Lisa Congdon good and that’s OK. I also ordered Milk and Honey. Look at one of her illustrations:

 

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From Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

 

Her illustration is not “perfect.” It’s impactful. Her poetry has resonated with so many readers that her volume of poetry is a New York Times Bestseller.

So, I’m not going for perfect. I’m on a quest to develop my own style.

Screw you, Julie!

 

Choosing Accountability is Empowering

 

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Photo by Jack Kaminski

 

“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.”

R.D. Laing