Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
lisa congdon
Rumination
I used to “meditate” incorrectly. I closed my eyes and focused on being aware of my surroundings and my thoughts. I noticed my thoughts and tried to “let them go.” But my thoughts were either judgments or I was judging my thoughts (!) I assumed I was meditating correctly, because I was quite aware of everything…however, I was placing opinion on all of it.
Being present (meditating) means being aware of everything in the present time without judgment.
If you’re like me, you’d be shocked at how much you judge yourself and others. With practice, you can minimize placing personal value on yourself and others. I catch myself doing it and am able to correct it.
Criticizing is the opposite of kindness and impedes inner peace.
Wanting Vs. Doing
If you want different, you have to do different.
This includes:
Putting more hours in;
Doing smarter research;
Visualizing it happening and then doing more work; or
Thinking about it differently and accepting it for what it is. This last possibility escapes most people. They don’t believe they can think or feel differently about something. And they don’t feel they can accept reality. But they can!
Berry Good for You
A recent study in the journal Circulation suggests that sprinkling just a few more blueberries in your yogurt or blending strawberries into your morning smoothie may help reduce heart attack risk.
Whose Business is it?
“Mind your own business.” This phrase could be perceived as rude (context and tone would give a clue), but not necessarily. It comes down to facts. I have my business, you have yours. Conflicts can arise when we cross boundaries.
Sometimes, people make other people’s business their own. Why? Because they are judgmental, unhappy, uninformed, or just fearful of change.
Case(s) in point:
This year, I have decided to pursue learning how to draw and paint. I was not expecting comments like, “Why are you taking a class? Just draw! You don’t need a class, that’s silly.”
I also decided to stop doing a lot of extra volunteer duties at work. Response: “But you’ve always done (fill-in-the-blank).”
These responses are generally directed toward women, by the way. I
rarelynever see men at the receiving end of such remarks.
How to react? Just smile and ignore it. Listen to your gut and do what works best for you. As Eric Barker says, the first step to pursuing what makes you happy is to define it for yourself!
Speaking of grains (sort of)….
Did you know Doritos is making “lady friendly chips“? (Washington Post) Read the article, Maura Judkis is hilarious.
An excerpt:
What do I like about chips? Hmm, I guess I like how they are small and petite, like me! I like how the bags are shiny and have bright colors. Though I know that chips are not technically meant for Ladies like me because their bags are never pink. If only there were chips that came in a pink bag, so I would know that gentle Ladies like myself could consume them with dignity!
Maura Judkis
The Surprising Science Behind Success
As I mentioned before, Eric Barker’s book, Barking Up the Wrong Tree is definitely worth reading. Most of the book consists of interesting case studies to prove points (importance of networking, believing in yourself, risk-taking, being kind vs. ruthless, perseverance and the company you keep). However, his final chapter does a nice job of wrapping things up tightly.
In a nutshell, here is what he (and tons of research) find:
You must define success for yourself.
There are four quadrants to everlasting happiness:
- Enjoyment, winning (achievement), feeling significant (to others) and one’s legacy (extending oneself).
Barker recommends creating an actual grid and listing action items for each category. Also, he believes there is value in tracking what you are actually doing against this grid (Netflix marathon would not qualify for “enjoying” – rather, being in the flow of work is true enjoyment).
Lastly, Barker says scheduling your to dos is much more effective than a list!
Serene Snafus
When I paint and I’m in the “zone,” I’m not disagreeing with anything or anyone.
I’m doing my thing.
I’m happy. So I may spread more happiness. It keeps my worries at bay.
Even if the art is imperfect.
Ambition – Aspiration – Appetite
Ambition is the strong desire to achieve something.
Aspiration is the hope to achieve something and it also means to draw breath.
Appetite is the natural desire to satisfy a bodily need.
I posit this: that it’s best to work from your appetite when it comes to striving for something. You should literally feel it in your gut and your heart- and allow that to drive your actions. Your body will never steer you wrong.
If your labor is derived from aspiration – the hope with the breath – that is almost as good.
And if you blindly seek your ambition – that desire which originates and stays within your mind – there is a danger that it’s misguided.
“We get more of what we respond to.”
Matisse
Henri Matisse was a masterful artist who is credited with being an essential contributor to modern art. When Matisse decided to leave his law studies for art, his father was bitterly disappointed.
Good thing he did it anyway!
Practice Daily
In a few of these, I was afraid of too much space and added graphics. The result was a non-uniform crowding of images, which is not pleasing to the eye.
In relationships, space is even more critical. “Caring” and “parenting” are not about invading space, but respecting our teenagers as their own people. Crowding and controlling them is not pleasing to them!
This is the exact opposite of how I was raised.
But I can choose to question that thinking and do better.
Kismet 