As I approach the end of my novella, I find myself (still) keeping Monkey Mind at bay and working hard to get to the finish line. This means business! This means focus!
My shoulders get tight.
I look at the word count constantly to ensure I am making my goal.
I second-guess myself.
And I forget to have fun.
But when I remember to lighten up, the writing flows. I get more creative. And I magically hit my numbers.
Do what kids and puppies do: Have fun!
Labels are important on:
But labels do not belong on people.
When we label each other as “other” (Republican, Democrat, poor, rich, stupid, illegal immigrant, foreigner, smart, crazy, disabled, etc.), we create a chasm which enables us to treat each other inhumanely.
We can each do our part by stopping this practice. Go ahead, try it. I bet it will make you happier.
When you are in the presence of a person who speaks his mind freely, spontaneously and thoroughly (often inappropriately) we say, “He has no filter.”
This is often a problem in the classroom when there are 34 students and the teacher has numerous goals she wants to achieve. The outspoken person not only takes up valuable time uttering words that have little to no value, but it can distract other students and take them off-task.
It often causes drama.
That student can filter his words, but it requires self-awareness and self-discipline.
We can ALL filter our minds. We are in control of what we choose to read. We are all, each, in control of who we socialize with and, to some degree, who we engage with at work. You can choose to read the news and get upset or, you can choose to opt out.
But how will I stay informed? How will I continue to participate in my world?
To which I ask, “Are you truly engaging and participating in the world when you read what inflames you and then complain about it?” How about doing some volunteer work? How about starting a rights group? How about writing letters to your state representatives?
There will things you see or hear that you do not like. This is when space is helpful.
Filter your world carefully and you will see a change for the better.
Instead of despair, action
Instead of judging, observing
Instead of destruction, creation
Instead of attaching, detaching
Instead of worrying, meditating
Instead of criticizing, helping
Instead of resisting, accepting
Joyful action attracts positive help
I’m still writing, just haven’t blogged about it. Thought I’d share the progress (and I want to hear from you, too!)
I am an entire day behind on Nanowrimo. As I wrote last night, I have been busy planning and executing my husband’s 50th birthday and it was WELL WORTH IT!
My children’s book is also progressing nicely, my teacher/friend is halfway through the Spanish translation. Yippeee! Somehow, it looks more real when I see progress that someone else has added to it.
When I realized I am not on pace with my Nanowrimo schedule (approximately 900 words/day), I started to feel a bit bad/sad/panicky. And then I was reading The Book of Joy and Desmond Tutu said something that gave me pause: sometimes, our ambition wrecks our happiness.
All the spiritual leaders I know have spoken about this. It’s FINE and GREAT to have ambition, as long as it doesn’t stress you out and cause you negative feelings. I don’t want to give up my goals, but I also don’t want to feel bad when I don’t reach my goals. I’ve always used stress to motivate myself (so my husband tells me). What to do?
Work towards them and remain flexible for a bend in the road. Continue working happily. Continue working through obstacles happily. Work around them and just remain equanimous.
I met my husband at a party. He made me laugh with his amazing ability to do impressions of famous people. He could do perfect Irish accents. On one of our dates to an Irish bar in San Francisco, we met a couple Irish tourists. Willey spoke to them with an Irish brogue and they asked him which part of Ireland he was from!
It’s 22+ years later:
22 years is a long time. Nights at bars gave way to babies, cancer (and recovery), school activities, music lessons, mortgages, bills and retirement plans. The impressions and carefree days faded away. We had have responsibilities.
I threw my husband a surprise birthday party for his 50th last night.
Relatives and friends flew in from out of state. Local friends attended the party. We had a great time. One of our guests was from Australia. Suddenly, Willey was from the Outback, talking like the Crocodile Hunter. We all gathered around him, laughing. And I saw him. I saw us.
I saw our future, our hopes, our dreams, our joy.
And it all came true: We have a home, dear friends and family, beautiful children.
When life is ebbing instead of flowing, remember the high tide. Remember what made you fall in love. It’s always there.
When I was sixteen, I subscribed to “Cosmopolitan” Magazine. I was young and dumb. I spent good money to receive a thick magazine full of ads and editorials, telling me the definition of beauty was to be rail thin. It advertised things that were well out of my reach money-wise. It did very little for me.
Since then, I’ve gotten wiser. I subscribe to “Sunset Magazine” which touts itself as the premier home and living magazine of the West. I learn about great shops and restaurants, home decor ideas, ideal plants for my yard, and time-saving (yet delicious) recipes. Most of the information provides timeless value.
Subscriptions should provide benefits. It should feel like a gift. When you subscribe to blogs, newsletters, magazines, wine of the month clubs, etc. where you pay ahead of time (if at all) and receive something on a regular basis, it ought to leave you happy and grateful, like a present.
As the year comes to a close, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your subscriptions. What’s automatically coming to your door or inbox? Does it provide value and joy? Does it fulfill someone else’s purpose or yours?
Being grateful is a choice. It requires reflection, time and care.
When I start my morning writing down 10 things or people I’m grateful for, I live the rest of my day in light.
Realizing the good in your life and focusing on that will put a smile on your face.
And good things come to those who smile.
I was talking to a friend who is also a mom. She was concerned about her daughter and who she’s been hanging out with at school and on weekends. My friend is divorced, so half the time she has absolutely no control over her child’s social activities. (The father is much looser with supervision).
We discussed the challenges of parenthood in an age where our kids can maintain a full social calendar in virtual reality.
We discussed peer pressure. Cattiness. Meanness.
We discussed drug and alcohol abuse among 13 (yes, 13) year-olds.
We discussed how kids are sneaking out of the house at 1am and trespassing in other people’s yards and pools. Here in Arizona America, where guns are ubiquitous, I can see someone shooting one of these kids in the dark. Absolutely. Unfortunately.
We discussed the very fine line between parenting and controlling.
I thought to myself, how lucky I am to have daughters who get excellent grades and work hard at everything. How lucky I am to have daughters who talk to me, show me silly Instagram posts and get along with each other so well.
And then I realized that I rarely tell them this. I think it a lot. I tell my friends and family. But I don’t tell my daughters to their face how I know it’s challenging to be them right now. I don’t acknowledge the dangers, pitfalls and temptations that they have in terms of technology, risky behavior and drugs. Instead, I tell them to not buy into society’s pressures to be “pretty” and primp in front of the mirror. I tell them that they need to learn how to manage money, or it will manage them. I tell them it’s important to get good grades and do well in music so that they can get college scholarships.
But today, I acknowledged them. I acknowledged the hard work, the struggle, the pain…and that I appreciate their fight. The 13-year-old looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I love you, mom.”
The final tip Daniel Pink offers in his book Drive is to Create Your Own Motivational Poster. I know, it sounds lame, but I played around with it and it’s incredibly fun.
Try these sites:
http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php
I made my Kismet poster using bighugelabs.com. It was very easy.
Try it!
Kismet 