“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
“Fall with Awareness and Acceptance.”
Bryan Kest
Love means freedom.
Love means independence.
Love means respect.
Malala Yousafzai’s father
John Force is an NHRA drag driver. He has over 144 victories and is a major player in his field.
As a child, he overcame childhood polio. As a young adult, he raced for twenty years and failed so miserably that he became the butt of jokes.
But he never gave up.
Most of us attempt something a few times and throw in the towel after a few failures.
What are you passionate about? Can you endure hundreds of fails? Public mockery? If you enjoy the process, (the learning and growth) instead of focusing on the end game, it takes care of itself.
It’s Sunday and that means…research update!
Page 91, Paul Tough’s book, How Children Succeed
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (or CBT) involves using the conscious mind to recognize negative or self-destructive thoughts or interpretations and to (sometimes literally), talk yourself into a better perspective.
CBT is just one example under the big umbrella of “Metacognition.” Talking about character, evaluating character are metacognitive strategies.
However, just knowing about strategies is not enough.
Gabrielle Oettingen (NYU Psychologist) says people tend to use one of three strategies when setting goals and only one is very effective:
If/then statements – “If I get distracted from my work, then I will…”
This is setting rules for yourself.
Rules overcome drawbacks of willpower which redirects our attention from the obstacle or challenge and helps us become automatic in practicing positive behavior.
According to Duckworth: “Habits are character.”
Group identity (stereotypes) can have both positive and negative effects on achievement.
Before a challenging math test, female college students need only be reminded that they are female for them to do WORSE on the test than female students who do not receive that identity cue. (p. 96)
Telling students that intelligence is malleable has led to better academic performance.
A study of low-income 7th grade students in Texas were divided into two groups:
The first group performed significantly better – girls who used to lag behind boys in math closed the gap completely.
16. Report Cards
Dual-purpose instruction – when teachers deliberately work explicit talk about character strengths into every lesson.
Optimism, self-control, social intelligence are a few examples
“Character strengths can become character weaknesses.” For example, someone with too much grit might then be weak in empathy towards others. There is a balance that needs to be reached.
17. Climbing the Mountain p. 101
KIPP School – tracking students in college
“…it’s the character piece that has held some back (procrastination). Depression is also an issue.”
The impact of poverty catches up even with children who are resilient.
Character can function as a substitute for social net that the middle and upper class kids enjoy.
To succeed, they need more grit, social intelligence and more self-control than wealthier kids.
But KIPP students who graduate do not have just a diploma. They have the knowledge that they climbed a mountain to get it.
“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
I was listening to the Rich Roll podcast with Susan David, a medical doctor and researcher out of Harvard. They were talking about emotional agility, which is handling our emotions in a positive and flexible way, without shame and permanence. Apparently, this resonates with a lot of people as her TedTalks have been watched millions of times!
One example she cited about “social contagion” leaped out at me:
Let’s say you have decided to go on a health kick and you want to avoid junk food. You get on a plane and sit next to a stranger. He buys a candy bar. There is a 70% chance that you, too, will purchase a sugary sweet. 70%! That is social contagion.
More on this tomorrow…
“If I think you’re my problem, I’m insane.”
Byron Katie
How passionate and persevering are you? Duckworth’s research shows the power of grit (courage and resolve). This is a strong indicator for success. People who score high in grit rarely quit or drop out of their pursuits.
Click here to answer the 10 questions: The Grit Questionnaire
How’d you do?
Grit is something you can work on. Duckworth believes you can use your results to reflect and increase your grit (if you want).
The following is a continuation of my notes on Paul Tough’s book, How Children Succeed:
Chapter 2 HOW TO BUILD CHARACTER p. 49
Climb the Mountain to College – college was always the goal
But only 8 got a college degree
Culture shock – overwhelmed
While in KIPP, they felt and acted like a family
KIPP did not prepare them for high school emotionally or psychologically
Nobody checks your homework
Levin noticed that the kids who succeeded in high school and graduated from college were not necessarily the highest academically. They possessed other gifts: optimism, social agility, resilience. Levin called these CHARACTER STRENGTHS.
Martin Seligman – Learned Optimism – it’s a skill that can be learned, not innate
Pessimistic adults and children can train themselves to be optimistic
Will lead to more happiness, health and success
Seligman – depression is simply a severe low mood
Pessimists react to negative events by explaining them as permanent, personal and pervasive
(e.g. failed a test because you’re stupid, not because you failed to prepare)
Seligman yelled a lot, in his class
Levin did a book study with his staff. Why do some of our students feel not well-liked?
Levin grew up in a ritzy area of Riverdale – he was a standout student in math and science AND the captain of the basketball team; Director of his boarding school believes CHARACTER is missing in today’s qualifications in school (grit, working hard, perseverance).
Daniel Goleman – Emotional Intelligence
Randolph, Seligman and Levin had a meeting – the beginning of a fruitful alliance
Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification by Seligman and Peterson
A study in character; an effort to identify (concretely) what character is
Finalized 24 character strengths they believed to be universally respected
includes : bravery, citizenship, fairness, wisdom, integrity; love, humor, zest, appreciation of beauty; day-to-day interactions (social intelligence), kindness, gratitude
–These virtues were chosen because they could lead to the “good life” of fulfillment and meaning – had practical benefits
Seligman and Peterson – defined character as malleable – skills you can learn and practice and teach
Seligman, Levin and Randolph turned to Angela Duckworth (in her PhD dissertation, after working in schools, she said the problem was not just in schools, but students themselves) “Learning is hard…it can be daunting, exhausting and sometimes discouraging…character is at least as important as intellect.”
Duckworth started her research with self-discipline: 164 8th graders.
Self-discipline levels were more indicative to GPA than IQ.
Collaborated with Walter Mischel, famous for his marshmallow test with four-year olds (delayed gratification study).
Duckworth was intrigued by this study – how did those with more self-discipline strategize or help themselves to delay gratification?
“Children who did best at this test created their own distractions.” [Talked, sang, covered their eyes, one kid took a nap]
With simple prompts, children were able to think of the marshmallow abstractly, which led to higher success.
After a six week long course to help students develop self-discipline, students believed they improved, but they didn’t.
Marshmallows were easy…very clear goals.
High school and college graduation are not as clear or tangible.
Duckworth divided the mechanics of achievement into two: motivation and volition. BOTH are requisites.
What if students just aren’t motivated to achieve the goals their teachers or parents want them to achieve?
All the self-control tricks in the world will not help.
But motivation can still occur. It’s just highly complex. Rewards sometimes backfire.
Reward systems in schools (stickers, candy, prizes) have not been successful.
No one really knows how to motivate people well.What motivates us is hard to explain and hard to measure.
Different personality types respond differently to different motivations.
The coding-speed test (Segal) actually tested the test-takers’ inclination to force themselves to care about the world’s most boring test.
It was proof that they TRIED harder. The low-stakes, low-reward test predicted how well someone is going to do in life. Over decades, Segal gave the test to the same people and in their forties, he compared their salaries. Those who scored high on this test made considerably higher salaries.
What Segal’s study measured was conscientiousness.
Brent Roberts, U of IL (Urbana-Champaign) – reigning expert on conscientiousness
This was not studied much by researchers because it denoted “control” and nobody wants to talk about people being controlled. However, Industrial/Organizational Psychology grew into everyone’s consciousness – because companies want to hire the most productive, reliable and diligent workers they can find. They found that conscientiousness was critical.
Roberts found that people high in conscientiousness:
The Downside of Self-Control (p. 71)
People who are critics of the education setting are not swayed by conscientiousness findings.
“Strength of character” – includes conscientiousness, responsibility, insistently orderly, determined and persevering.
Kismet 