Author: chungwipff

No Mud, No Lotus

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“Without suffering, there’s no happiness. So we shouldn’t discriminate against the mud. We have to learn how to embrace and cradle our own suffering and the suffering of the world, with a lot of tenderness.”

THICH NHAT HANH

Thich Nhat Hanh goes on to say that we are so afraid of facing our suffering (worrying, anger, despair, fears, loneliness) that we go look for something to eat, or drink or watch TV. And many people do all of those at the same time. Even if there is nothing interesting or satisfying to watch, we are afraid to turn the television off, because then we will be left to face our suffering.

But it is necessary to face it.

It makes you stronger.

It makes you lighter.

It leads to happiness and nothing else will.

Attitude, Focus and Sweat

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Photo by Rob Mulally

An important skill taught in Driver’s Education courses is to keep one’s eyes where one wants to go (the safe place) and not on obstacles that one wants to avoid. For example, if your car starts to skid out of control, don’t focus on the tree you’re afraid of crashing into, but on the open road. If you focus on the tree, that’s where you’ll end up.

In life, that tree can be a metaphor for the last decades of our lives. We tend to focus on fears such as, “What if I don’t have enough money to retire?”

We live in a youth-centered society. We don’t take care of our elderly very well. So it’s no wonder so many of us fear growing old (despite the fact that it’s inevitable if we don’t die first).

When we choose to stop focusing on aging (and limitations), and start focusing on The Possibilities, fascinating things can happen:

Annie Proulx, this year’s winner of the National Book Award, and author of Brokeback Mountain and The Shipping News, did not start seriously writing until she was 58. (Bigthink)

In the middle of his prolific career as inventor and businessman, Thomas Edison’s plant was burned down by a fire – all of his work was gone. What was his reaction?

“Although I am over 67 years old, I’ll start all over again tomorrow.”

And he did, the very next day. He didn’t even let any of his employees go. Edison and his team made $10 million the very next year. (BusinessInsider)

What are you going to focus on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CITATIONS

http://bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/how-the-mind-body-connection-determines-how-you-age

http://www.businessinsider.com/thomas-edison-in-the-obstacle-is-the-way-2014-5

How to be Fully Present

You don’t have to be “moody.”

You don’t have to be ultra “proud” of your children, your spouse or your possessions.

You don’t have to react to everything…or anything.

You can choose to live within the band of happiness no matter the context or situation.

The next time something great happens, say, “thank you.”

The next time something “bad” happens, say “thank you.”

This is how to be fully present and truly happy all of the time.

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Sunflowers

Sunflowers are my new favorite flower. I just learned that they are “hyperaccumulators”! They absorb toxins and pollutants so well that thousands were planted in Chernobyl to absorb radiation. They were also planted in Fukushima to clean up that toxic spill.

The trick is to harvest and destroy them before they produce toxic seeds that birds could eat. sunflowers

Lion

#1: When your computer breaks down and you have to type and publish your blog on your cell phone, ROAR like a lion.

#2: When the bonus they promised to deliver in December gets postponed to February, ROAR like a lion.

#3: When Pinterest tells you that someone in Russia has hacked your account and you can’t reset your password (see #1), ROAR like a lion.

#4: When you start to feel overwhelmed, anxious, angry or depressed, ROAR like a lion.

Or…close your eyes, breathe deeply and know everything is fine.

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Mean Girls

My 15-year-old daughter went to the bathroom at school today. She didn’t feel well. There was another girl in there – a waif with thin blond hair who looked like she was on meth.  The Daughter felt self-conscious, barfing into the toilet.  Outside her stall, the waif snickered. Suddenly, the lights went out. The door slammed shut.

Shrouded in darkness, she had to feel her way around to the light switch. Retching and bewildered, she cried. She’s still out there, waiting to see my reaction.

So when the tears stopped, she rinsed her face.

The waif was waiting. The Daughter walked out, head held high.

As she told me the story, she started to shake.

“Why did she do that, mom? She knew I was sick. She could have asked if I was OK and if I needed anything. Why would she do that? Why would she be so mean?”

I didn’t know what to say. Mean people have always existed, like cockroaches. They’re vile, but they must serve a purpose somehow.

“It wasn’t you. It was her. This was not personal, she didn’t even know you. She’s obviously very unhappy and wounded.” I hugged her and told I was sorry that it happened.

I was aware of several facts all at once:

  • that I wanted to exact revenge on The Waif;
  • that mean people will hurt my children and everyone I love many times over;
  • that we will never know why people do cruel things; and
  • that I have very little control over anything.

All we can do is be our best and be kind and provide love and comfort to each other.

And practice drawing octopodes.

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Leap!

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My favorite children’s book series is Frog and Toad. I’ve always loved the simplicity and hilarity of the stories and it dawned on me only recently that perhaps Frog and Toad were more than friends. Lobel, author and illustrator, came out to his family pretty late in life and then died from AIDS. Everyone needs to accept everyone for who they are. Why judge others?

Which brings me to a comment my husband made to me this morning. He was looking over my shoulder, watching me draw the frogs.

“So when are you going to draw your own things?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know…the things you like.”

“I like what I’m doing. I have drawn things on my own and they were pretty terrible. I’m still learning.”

“Just draw your own things.”

I understand what he’s saying. And I have wondered if I’m playing it safe by drawing out of a book, but I really am a beginner. My goal is to practice drawing until December 31st and then try my own “things.”

And that is when I will make my leap!

 

 

 

It’s That Time Again…

Holidays. Busyness. Stress.

Don’t forget that stress and complaining are choices. Complaining is a form of denying reality*. It also makes you sound like a victim. You don’t want that, do you?

Below are my drawings for today. They are incomplete. I helped my daughter learn how to drive today. Someone honked at her loudly as she paused at the red light, uncertain if she should go or not. She got stressed.  And then we went out to help her buy her boyfriend a birthday gift. She worried it wasn’t enough. I assured her that her thoughtfulness in choosing the gifts was what really counted.

I am now at my other daughter’s high school concert. When all is said and done, I will have been here with her for six hours.  I didn’t get to complete my drawing or get my workout in or get any holiday shopping done. Oh well. But I did get to have a wonderful lunch with her between two concerts and talk about everything she wanted to share with me. We ate and talked and ate and talked and then we had enough time to buy makeup from Target before going back for her final performance.

It’s all good. I’m grateful I can do these things – be completely present for each of my daughters…and be completely present while I draw my funny-looking lizards.

*Eckhart Tolle

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