happiness

2 Factors for Joy

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How happy are you? Your age might be correlated to the level of your happiness. And acceptance might be the key to joy.

According to a study by Nielsen, people ages 18-21 are pretty happy, but the level of self-reported well-being goes on a decline until it hits rock bottom at age 50-53. This is due, in part, because people in this age bracket are preoccupied with money concerns: kids’ college tuition and their own retirement funds. But then, the level of contentment goes up on a steady trajectory for a high into the eighties. The reason?

As people age, they accept their aging. THIS is the key to contentment.

Perhaps we should all accept our present condition, no matter the age? Wouldn’t this naturally lead to more joy?

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http://www.businessinsider.com/age-people-are-happiest-2016-5

 

Why Our Partners Drive Us Mad

 

I like to create my own content, but tonight, I MUST share something with you. If you’re interested in emotional intelligence, you need to see this:

The School of Life

I love this website. There is so much to learn. Who is “The School of Life”?  They’re based in London.There is a psychotherapist on staff and many writers and researchers. They seem to know their stuff. I like their style.

Here is their Vision Statement:

BEING DEDICATED TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH MEANS THE FOLLOWING:

We want people to have better relationships

To be better parents

To be more understanding children

To be less anxious

To be less scared

To be more self-aware

To be more appreciative

To be more forgiving

To be wiser consumers

To be more mature employees, entrepreneurs and leaders

To create businesses that more accurately satisfy the true emotional needs of consumers

To help work to be more meaningful

To be better at resisting certain noxious messages in society around happiness, success and status.

To have a good understanding of one’s place in history and the distinctive challenges of living in modern consumer capitalism, with its Romantic individualistic hedonistic philosophy.

To be more modest about what happiness is possible – and at the same time more hopeful and appreciative day to day.

To be at ease with culture, mining it for what is useful, using it to enhance one’s own life, not to pass an exam: to be consoled and enlightened by culture.

 

 

So check them out. They cover a wide spectrum of topics. 

 

7 Benefits to Gratitude

 

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Practicing gratitude improves your life in a multitude of ways.  According to Amy Morin, a psychological business writer for Forbes.com, reflecting on all that you have to be grateful for benefits you in the following ways:

  1. Opens the door to more relationships.
  2. Improves your physical health (fewer aches and pains)!
  3. Improves your psychological health (reduces your emotional toxins)!
  4. Enhances empathy and reduces aggression.
  5. Helps you sleep better.
  6. Improves your self-esteem.
  7. Increases mental strength.

 

Reflecting on gratitude is a form of living in presence.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

 

 

 

 

Mirth Within the Means

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As I approach the end of my novella, I find myself (still) keeping Monkey Mind at bay and working hard to get to the finish line. This means business! This means focus!

 

My shoulders get tight.

I look at the word count constantly to ensure I am making my goal.

I second-guess myself.

And I forget to have fun.

But when I remember to lighten up, the writing flows. I get more creative. And I magically hit my numbers.

Do what kids and puppies do: Have fun!

5 Magic Words

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It Is What It Is

I used to hate this saying. I often heard it after I complained about something. What kind of retort is that? It just made me angry. “It is what it is.”

When I was a kid, my home was toilet papered and egged. They wrote  “chink” on the driveway. “This happens,” my father said as our family cleaned the mess up. The words stung, like alcohol on an open wound. How could he react in such a weak manner?

And yesterday, my daughter cried. A boy she considers to be a good friend made a racist joke about Asian eyes and dental floss. I was inflamed! But she sat – quiet and still and oh-so-wise, in the puddle of ignorance, stupidity and pain this boy caused. She said, “I want to talk to him and explain why it was hateful and hurtful. He will understand and never do it again. I know he’s a good kid.” As her mother, I could only see red. Someone broke my daughter’s heart and made her question this world (once more), just so he could get laughs. 

And I knew. I knew the anger I felt was a false sense of power.Being angry makes you feel energized and ready to mobilize. But anger is fear on steroids.

“It is what it is” is not a rallying cry to be passive. It means,”what you see before you, IS.” 

When I was undergoing surgery for breast cancer, these five words were embodied in the doctor’s confident hands, the nurses’ night time vigil and my family and friends’ constant support. This IS the situation and we’re taking care of it right now.

It’s about accepting that which you cannot change. If you can’t change it, your anger and defiance – your energy – are wasted. You continually generate negativity.

In fact, acceptance is the first step to proactivity. Once you accept reality (that which IS, that which you cannot change), you can use your energy and creativity to begin to make steps to exact change. A couple of wise friends of mine often say, “This, too, shall pass.” Everything is impermanent. Accept each season.

 

I’ve Been Asking the Wrong Question

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As a recovering Tiger Mom, I’m working really hard to unlearn some bad practices. I don’t expect my kids to get straight A’s. I just want to ensure they always do their best. HOWEVER, I’m aware that I often use grades as a default metric. It’s so easy to buy into the hype: competitive college scholarships, high tuition, “name brand” universities, etc.

In my heart, I know it’s wrong. It’s the wrong place to stress priorities with my kids.

A blogger on Huffington Post bragged wrote about how he and his wife ask their daughters 3 questions each night:

  1. How were you brave tonight?
  2. How were you kind today?
  3. How did you fail today?

Aren’t these more important concerns? Won’t these values take them further than a perfect GPA? Their third question, “How did you fail today?” opens the discussion about effort and not achieving the goal. The parents wanted to stress lessons learned from this taboo subject and, to in fact, celebrate failing! The word “fail” is  leaden with negativity in our culture, but it’s really the only way we get stronger. It’s how we get resilient.

I’ve been asking my daughters a question each day, too. I thought I was being positive.  I shared my experience on FB with my friends:

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What is school for?

According to Seth Godin, school’s purpose should be to:

  1. teach kids to lead; and
  2. teach kids to try things and to FAIL.

He says, “Fine, getting an A is good. But it’s not the most important thing.”

Personally, I’ve known many “successful” (read: high income) folks who burned the midnight oil to get the excellent grades, get into the perfect college and then obtain the perfect,  high-paying job. They’re still not happy.

Don’t we want our kids to lead happy, productive, creative lives?

If you want the right answers, you need to ask the right questions. Perhaps the right question is not, “How can my kid get into an Ivy League School?” but “How can I raise my child to be a compassionate, productive, happy citizen?”

What do we need to do to be happy? Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

*photo from unsplash.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Letter to the Anxious

Dear Fellow Fretter,

I’ve always been a bit high-strung. I’ve always been a worrier.

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I used to spend more time worrying than taking action to stop the worry.

As I begin the last half of my life, I want to be a warrior.

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I’m reading Tolle, Singer, the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu.

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Bday gift from sis…

I’ve read all kinds of books and learned a lot. But I heard Elizabeth Gilbert the other day on  a podcast and she said something that clicked (!)

She was talking about her writing process and she said she writes in seasons….you know, as in nature.  She said something like this (totally paraphrasing): There’s the quiet (winter) phase, where’s she’s in between projects and thinking, getting inspired. Then she begins research (spring), and she writes (summer) and then does the whole marketing tour bit (fall). And the cycle begins again.

The part that struck me as shockingly KIND to herself was that she gave herself time to just think, rejuvenate, get inspired. She sees it all as an integral part of her creative process.

Wow.

You mean, you don’t have to keep working and sweating?

It made sense to me. Of COURSE, even nature takes breaks. Parts of it die in order to enable other things to grow. This applies to every career, every job, every role in life.

So yes, make your To Do lists and set goals. That is important. But be sure to take the time to relax, re-energize, and follow the cycle. Calmly get each step done. No need for stress.

 

 

 

 

 

4 Ways to Creative, Financial Freedom

I have been following Deep Space Sparkle  by Patty Palmer for years. I’ve watched her grow from an art teacher writing about her passions to a full-fledged entrepreneur with one of the most generous websites I’ve ever landed on.

Yesterday, I told you about Teachers Pay Teachers, a website where you can post your hard-earned work and start getting paid for it. Patty has created her own website and offers curriculum for sale (as well as a lot of FREE valuable resources).

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In her latest podcast, she reviews and shares her successes as a teacher and businesswoman. Teachers are some of the most creative, loving people you will ever meet, but it’s hard for them (us) to ask to be paid what we’re worth. Here are some of Patty’s tips for success while leaving your love of teaching intact:

  1. Enjoy – really enjoy – your teaching right now. Use this opportunity to experiment with your students…see what works. Bring your best each and every day.
  2. Start selling slowly. Use Teachers Pay Teachers, or start your own website. Don’t quit your job to do it, just begin.
  3. Create your curriculum based on your passions, don’t look to children or their parents for direction.
  4. Learn new skills! Have fun as you learn. It’s never too late.

One (of many) things I love about Patty’s site is that she emphasizes the importance of living and loving the present moment. This is what Kismet is all about. The paradox of success: In order to “get there”, you need to “be here.”